MrRegular
04-30-2010, 11:37 AM
The bailiff called out “all rise for the honorable Judge Lawson,” bringing the courtroom tumult to end. The judge slammed his gavel several times, letting its knock echo through the silent court.
“Our first case is a divorce hearing between the plaintiff, Mr. Cuthbertus Szander Galahad and the defendant, Mrs. Tiffany Rose Galahad-Jones. Mr. Galahad, you are seeking to retain your estate and capital which you inherited, am I correct?”
The plaintiff stood with a straight back and proud voice; “certes, your honor is.”
“And you, Mrs. Jones,” the judge diverted his attention to the defendant, “wish to retain the estate and capital yourself on the claim of emotional distress, am I correct?”
The defendant stood with crossed arms and tight lips, “Uh-huh.”
“Did I understand you to say yes, Mrs. Jones?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, Mr. Galahad, if you could give me a brief description of why you wish to obtain a separation from your wife of…” the judge looked over his papers, “two months.”
“I do so gladly, your honor. Twas but three months ago that yon maiden and I first met. For one month I did court her and, though I found her speech as short as her temper, I was enchanted by the lady’s comely stature. I was beside myself in joy, for to look upon her was as to look upon a scantly clad angel. We comingled and jested, but when the lady laid eyes upon my castled estate, I did then see a swelling of love in her eyes which brought great joy to my heart-“
The judge interrupted, “Yes, and then you got married, but why do you wish to be divorced, Mr. Galahad, and so soon after?”
“In mine own heart I knew that this business was wrong when the maiden set upon me for… coitus within the first few days of our courtship. I should also have heeded my heart when I witnessed her sultry dances. What jiggling and bouncing! But, alas, I could not control my animal nature.
“When we were wed she immediately took to rearrange the estate, paying little attention to my presence after I had gone on my knee in proposal. This, I could withstand with ease. Soon I began to strive to converse with her, which was at first difficult. Then, one evening we began to speak, and we spoke all night. I told her of my days as an esquire and the year that I worked in a blacksmith’s shop. When I completed, she but laughed. I informed her that I had taken no notice of cause for jest. This wife of mine proceeded to tell me of her days at university, where one thinks that scholarly pursuit would come foremost! Nay, she told me of the debauchery that she had participated in, not only for others, but at times in the presence of videod cameracorders. She told me of a particular episode where she was surrounded by a half dozen men, all stroking their manhoods until, at last, they would each…” the man’s face began to redden, “ejaculate onto her visage.”
The plaintiff began to weep uncontrollably, unable to continue. The judge turned to the defendant. “Ma’am, while the plaintiff is recuperating, will you tell me in your own words what happened?”
“So dude thinks he’s all that, right? He thinks his sh** don’t stink, but I tell you it does,” she turned to address the plaintiff, “and yo horses stink and don’t get me started on yo rankity-a** crib. He complains about my dancing, I am bootylicious, and ain’t nobody gonna’ tell me different. The Playa’s at the club ain’t got not problem with it.
"And that’s another thing, this lame a** want to tell me I cain’t be goin’ to the club. Pshaw, like that’s happening. Ain’t no man gonna’ tell me what to do. Yeah, yeah. He wanna’ act like he’s all bad. Tell me, judge, Tell me! Where have the real men gone? Huh? Where’d chivalry go to? It’s dead, that’s where-“
“Ma’am,” the judge stopped her, “ma’am, that’s enough. I’ve heard enough. This court rules in favor of the defendant, ordering the plaintiff to relinquish his property to her in addition to paying a fine to the court for unlawful appropriation of moral standards. Mr. Galahad are you aware of what a fine piece of behind you are just letting get away? Should a woman of so fine proportion be made to hide it from a majority of sex-crazed men just to protect you, the minority, from a little emotional discomfort? No! That is the basest greed, sir. What you stand for is self-respect and self-control (the judge shivered) on a level completely unattainable to man, thus to present it in the manner that you have, is a malicious misrepresentation of truth.
“I am also going to sentence you to rehabilitation, sir, in a state strip club, where you will be fed tequila and pickled eggs twenty-four hours a day, for one month. If that doesn’t bring you back to your senses, then I do not believe that you have any. That is all.”
Thank you for reading. Interested in more? Got some here: http://lawsonlawsonlawson.blogspot.com
“Our first case is a divorce hearing between the plaintiff, Mr. Cuthbertus Szander Galahad and the defendant, Mrs. Tiffany Rose Galahad-Jones. Mr. Galahad, you are seeking to retain your estate and capital which you inherited, am I correct?”
The plaintiff stood with a straight back and proud voice; “certes, your honor is.”
“And you, Mrs. Jones,” the judge diverted his attention to the defendant, “wish to retain the estate and capital yourself on the claim of emotional distress, am I correct?”
The defendant stood with crossed arms and tight lips, “Uh-huh.”
“Did I understand you to say yes, Mrs. Jones?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, Mr. Galahad, if you could give me a brief description of why you wish to obtain a separation from your wife of…” the judge looked over his papers, “two months.”
“I do so gladly, your honor. Twas but three months ago that yon maiden and I first met. For one month I did court her and, though I found her speech as short as her temper, I was enchanted by the lady’s comely stature. I was beside myself in joy, for to look upon her was as to look upon a scantly clad angel. We comingled and jested, but when the lady laid eyes upon my castled estate, I did then see a swelling of love in her eyes which brought great joy to my heart-“
The judge interrupted, “Yes, and then you got married, but why do you wish to be divorced, Mr. Galahad, and so soon after?”
“In mine own heart I knew that this business was wrong when the maiden set upon me for… coitus within the first few days of our courtship. I should also have heeded my heart when I witnessed her sultry dances. What jiggling and bouncing! But, alas, I could not control my animal nature.
“When we were wed she immediately took to rearrange the estate, paying little attention to my presence after I had gone on my knee in proposal. This, I could withstand with ease. Soon I began to strive to converse with her, which was at first difficult. Then, one evening we began to speak, and we spoke all night. I told her of my days as an esquire and the year that I worked in a blacksmith’s shop. When I completed, she but laughed. I informed her that I had taken no notice of cause for jest. This wife of mine proceeded to tell me of her days at university, where one thinks that scholarly pursuit would come foremost! Nay, she told me of the debauchery that she had participated in, not only for others, but at times in the presence of videod cameracorders. She told me of a particular episode where she was surrounded by a half dozen men, all stroking their manhoods until, at last, they would each…” the man’s face began to redden, “ejaculate onto her visage.”
The plaintiff began to weep uncontrollably, unable to continue. The judge turned to the defendant. “Ma’am, while the plaintiff is recuperating, will you tell me in your own words what happened?”
“So dude thinks he’s all that, right? He thinks his sh** don’t stink, but I tell you it does,” she turned to address the plaintiff, “and yo horses stink and don’t get me started on yo rankity-a** crib. He complains about my dancing, I am bootylicious, and ain’t nobody gonna’ tell me different. The Playa’s at the club ain’t got not problem with it.
"And that’s another thing, this lame a** want to tell me I cain’t be goin’ to the club. Pshaw, like that’s happening. Ain’t no man gonna’ tell me what to do. Yeah, yeah. He wanna’ act like he’s all bad. Tell me, judge, Tell me! Where have the real men gone? Huh? Where’d chivalry go to? It’s dead, that’s where-“
“Ma’am,” the judge stopped her, “ma’am, that’s enough. I’ve heard enough. This court rules in favor of the defendant, ordering the plaintiff to relinquish his property to her in addition to paying a fine to the court for unlawful appropriation of moral standards. Mr. Galahad are you aware of what a fine piece of behind you are just letting get away? Should a woman of so fine proportion be made to hide it from a majority of sex-crazed men just to protect you, the minority, from a little emotional discomfort? No! That is the basest greed, sir. What you stand for is self-respect and self-control (the judge shivered) on a level completely unattainable to man, thus to present it in the manner that you have, is a malicious misrepresentation of truth.
“I am also going to sentence you to rehabilitation, sir, in a state strip club, where you will be fed tequila and pickled eggs twenty-four hours a day, for one month. If that doesn’t bring you back to your senses, then I do not believe that you have any. That is all.”
Thank you for reading. Interested in more? Got some here: http://lawsonlawsonlawson.blogspot.com