Thirst

[Alexander III]

Thirst

[Alexander III]

I realize the style of this poem may appear rather unappealing and un-poetic, but I am merely experimenting with many forms, trying to find one which I feel comfortable. I suppose this is a form of spontaneous verse, alla Ginsberg.

[MorpheusSandman]

Yeah, the form appears more prose-like, though the words, descriptions, and images themselves are quite poetic. A really heavy piece that could perhaps use with some trimming. As a general rule, line breaks work as well (if not better) than commas; especially when you have to use more than one per line.

[Buh4Bee]

Well, it is an uncomfortable topic to some people. I think you explore the topic with respect and cover a range of emotions and perspective well.

I found a number of good lines. This one spoke to me:

We offer salvation, flowering bright hues of coin upon the dry rotten heap before our innocence.

It is human nature to throw money at a problem as a means to solve it quickly and make ourselves feel better. Poverty and homelessness is a universal chronic problem.

The experimental style was Ok to me. I didn't find the format strange or unbalanced, but I don't think it works. It seems like a long list of sentences that tell a story. Doesn't seem to equate to a poem to me.

[Alexander III]

Well both you guys are right. This is not verse. The term prose poesy, is what best describes it I believe; as in a poem written in prose. This is actually a style which has been around for the last hundred and fifty years ( that I know off). I mean I have seen prose written as verse, so why cannot poesy be written in prose, if prose if often written as verse ?

Ahh and unfortunately I had formatted it in a way which appeared neater and more aesthetic but when putting it in the thread it all jot jumbled up, so I had to post each line individually.

[Buh4Bee]

I see, I hate when the transfer ruins how the poem looks on the forum.

[breathtest]

I like the way this is really empathetic, exploring the things we feel when confronted with so much hard reality just in the street, then how better we feel for helping even when we know it is only temporary. We have to go on living though, don't we.

[dizzydoll]

Its a very unsettling poem, it must have been difficult to write. Too much poverty around these days, I'm happy his torment is done by allowing the angels to cleanse his wounds. :angel: