2 Poems about Lions

[Hawkman]

The lion doesn’t have conditional claws;
His incisors are incisive and his gaze is focused,
His pupils, two definitive periods
That look, unblinkingly, at you.

When a lion looks at you,
You know you’ve been looked at.

----o0o----

When lots of lions look at you
It’s best to back away,
More so if they look as though
They’re having a bad day.

And even if they’re not you’d better
Still proceed with caution,
For while they’re looking at you
They’re dividing you in portions.

The lions like to stalk you
But they do it as a group,
Coordinating strategy,
They’ll catch you in a loop.

They stealthily draw nearer,
From concealment they advance
And when they spring their trap
You really haven’t got a chance.

So when you’re on safari
Do not walk the wildlife park,
For lions may be watching
And they’ll eat you for a lark.

[hillwalker]

Two intriguing poems - I particularly liked the second one.

I just think the first line of the second poem starts off rather weakly -

When lots of lions look at you

I know it alliterates, but it also suggests it's ok if just a few lions look at you.

Perhaps 'Whenever lions look at you' makes better sense?

But it's your baby - you nurse it - you decide whether or not it needs changing.

Good work though.....

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Maybe not as much a lark as those lions have but one just the same.

[lallison]

First tigers, now lions, will cheetahs and lynxes be next?

I liked them both but the first better partly because I prefer free verse and I feel you say just as much with the dense lines of the first as you do with the longer second.

The second is nice too. I'm not sure whether you've had a tough day giving a presentation at work or have just returned from the zoo. I'd slash the last stanza of the second poem as well. If you just end with the reader being caught with the lions I think it makes the poem more powerful.

I love the big cats, saw a leopard a few years ago canoeing up a river in a park near Krakatoa. Nice poetry and themes!

[Hawkman]

Hill, thanks for your comments. I think I see what you're getting at but generally the 'lots' is in keeping with the kiddies rhyme tone of the poem. I did consider 'several' but it doesn't work. Your suggestion also doesn't work for me because it is not definitive enough to indicate a group looking at you at the same time. This poem was actually inspired by the footage I had to edit for some freinds who were on safari in Botswana. They were returning to the camp in the truck, in the dark I might add, and a pride of lionesses, with cubs, stalked them all the way home. I still have a copy of the DVD I cut for them. I had to cut a lot of swearing! (Even if they were whispered swear words...)

I'm cutting another one at the moment. Only one Male lion here but when he looks straight into camera his eyes definately convey the message, "You, you're nothing, I could have you, if I could be bothered!"

Hi Prince, Glad you enjoyed it.

H

[Hawkman]

Hi llalison,

I have never seen a leopard canoeing, do they scull with their tails? just kidding.

As you will gather from the previouse response the films I'm cutting inspired the poems.

I'm glad you liked the first one too. Maybe I shouldn't have posted them both on the same day...

I can see what you're getting at with the final verse of the second, but I felt that the poem needed rounding off, It's a kiddies poem after all. Maybe I'll do a gorier one for impressionable adults, lol.

Thanks for your comments - H

[PrinceMyshkin]

In the spirit of these poems, permit me to quote the opening lines of a poem I posted here some time ago:



I have seen the little foxes'
eyes
gleam beside the path, signals
of a world collapsed on ours...

[dizzydoll]

I love them both, btw ask your friends they will tell you, if a lion roars within eyesight you feel the sound of it physically, it hits you in the chest.

Battle at Kruger National Park (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM) 8mins

This is Africa, sometimes you get the shot.

Good job, :biggrin5:

[Hawkman]

Prince, consider yourself permitted, but where's the rest of it?

Diz, Glad you like 'em and thanks for the link, Outstanding! I will ask...

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Prince, consider yourself permitted, but where's the rest of it?



I HAVE SEEN THE LITTLE FOXES


I have seen the little foxes'
eyes
gleam beside the path, signals
of a world collapsed on ours,
and I know I've taken that path
too far, when terror,
like a fist, thuds against my heart. Behind
is a wall as near as in front.


The night pours down, sudden
as a bath in a world
overturned, where gravity
holds nothing in its place.
Lovers, and jagged rocks,
and the familiar smell of the world,
all tumble together.


I whisper into unknown ears, "Love me!
I've kept everything for you--"
--and draw back
to see fang-distended lips, eyes
filled with eager incomprehension.


Love waits in the dark.
The world that has collapsed
upon ours, its lung-walls
sighing hoarsely across each other,
random eye-gleams in the night, these
are suddenly all.


The stars doubt everything
you and I have begun.



J. Newman Sudden Proclamations copyright 1992

[Hawkman]

That's a fabulous poem, Prince.

[Lumiere]

Love that first one, Hawkman. Lions eyes are just like periods - great expression.

[AuntShecky]

Well, Hawkman, I'd be "lyin' " if I said that I ever gave much thought to these creature, albeit mountain lions (aka cougars) have been seen in my part of the world, esp. in the Adirondacks and Catskills.

I think these two poems are quite endearing, in a "Child's Garden of Verses" sort of way, and I mean that as a compliment. Only a couple criticisms:

-in the first poem, I'd split line #2 at the word "incisive," as I believe doing so would improve its appearance on the page.

--In the second poem, I'd try to tweak the meter a bit; lines 3 and 4 especially could use some smoothing out.

--and I may be wrong, but I thought that Homo sapiens was the only mammal that kills other creatures for sport or as you put it, "as a lark." But as I say, I'm not well-versed on the topic. I don't even watch the Animal Planet.

[Hawkman]

Hi Lumier, thanks, Glad you liked it.

Auntie, I had a look your suggestion for #1. By splitting the line there I feel it actually starts disrupting the flow. I immediately wanted to start trimming out words which started to alter the feel of the poem.

As for #2, Ive taken a good look at it and I can't see a problem. Maybe this is something to do with my personal speech patterns or something.

As for the animal kingdom killing for pleasure, foxes certainly do, so do cats, chimps, and dolphins, to name but a few.

Anyway, thanks for your comments and I will continue to ponder the metre on no. 2

H

[blank|verse]

I think I prefer the first poem, H-man. Although it's laden with puns ('conditional claws' indeed!) it contains some suggestions of a different style from you usual stuff.

And as good as the second poem is, I have become familiar with the light-hearted Hawkman pieces now, and think I would welcome something a little different.

[Hawkman]

Thanks B/V, I guess you'll have to wait until I get angry about something then. :)

[Bar22do]

----o0o----

When lots of lions look at you
It’s best to back away,


Well, when even ONE, little, unexperienced lion looks at you, it's best to back away TOO!
I wouldn't go on safari... too much confusing: one never knows who is there to be watched at (animals at men?).
My belated award goes to the first poem of the two. But thanks Hawkman for sharing both!
Best rgds - Bar

[Hawkman]

A little of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle going on here, methinks. Actually that gives me an Idea....

Thanks Bar, H

[hack]

Schrodinger's Really Big Cat

When I go on safari
I always take a box
to keep ferocious lions in
I need not fuss with locks

I can be quite certain
he won't harm hide nor hair
because, if I do not look inside
the lion isn't there

[PrinceMyshkin]

Schrodinger's Really Big Cat

When I go on safari
I always take a box
to keep ferocious lions in
I need not fuss with locks

I can be quite certain
he won't harm hide nor hair
because, if I do not look inside
the lion isn't there

“The lion isn’t there,”
you say: “neither hide nor teeth nor hair,”
you say, but where
are you?

[Il Dante]

I enjoy the lightheartedness and drollness of your poems, Hawk. Kinda a nice change from all the serious stuff. From all the screams and weepings and despairs and nihilisms and vampyres and lord knows what else that the modernists (God rest their troubled souls) opened the floodgates to (notice: this sentence ended with a preposition :coolgleamA:). Not that I have anything against modernism or sad poems; it's just nice to have a change of pace now and again.

I'm not sure about a few of the lines, though... like: "eat you for a lark." I don't know about that one...

[Bar22do]

A little of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle going on here, methinks. Actually that gives me an Idea....

Thanks Bar, H

Old wise Heisenberg! how would YOU know about him?:smile5:
And I can't wait to read your Idea!

[Hawkman]

Hack, that was inspired, thank you!

PM I think hack is thinking outside of the box :)

Il Dante, Mega thankee Sir, for your kind words. As for being eaten for a lark, well,

My cats always loved to play and torture food for fun,
Though Elephants are famous for performing for a bun.
Lions growing larger than domestic moggies may
Hang around by limpid pools and lollygag all day.
At last when they are sated they will get around to killing
But Humans they are known to find a little bit too filling.
So if they come upon one that a hippo killed and slighted
They turn their noses up because their diets would be blighted.

Friend Bar, why would you imagine I would not know about Heisenberg?

As for the idea, it simmers but is not yet cooked (and a watched pot never boils, or so they say), a clear example perhaps ;)

Thank you all, H

[qimissung]

I love both your lion poems.

I, too, would love an adult version. It wouldn't necessarily have to be gory to give the feeling of being stalked.

[Hawkman]

Sorry qim, this is the best I can do at short notice. :devil:

Dark Africa surrounds us
As we journey back to site
And the engine purrs its counterpoint
To the noises of the night.

In the headlights, up ahead,
Are reflective, glowing eyes,
And as we draw yet nearer
See a lion of some size.

We now proceed with caution
And our torch beams search our flanks
Revealing that she’s not alone;
Her sisters stir our angst.

So belly-crawling through the grass
She draws yet ever nearer,
For as she teaches cubs to hunt
We’re learning how to fear her.

Grab the rifle, keep sharp watch,
Our voices now grow tense
And on the radio tell staff
Be mindful of our tents.

Now two ahead, while on our right,
Behind a termite mound,
Four stars intently watch us
From just above the ground.

They’re stalking us, the cheeky sods,
Hey Brian this ain’t right,
I came to see the wildlife,
Not be eaten in the night.

Slowly then we carry on,
While lions up ahead,
Disdainfully concede the road
And we, not they, get fed.

[AuntShecky]

These are the lines I questioned, from the first stanza of the second poem.

The first two lines have alternate stressed syllables, 4 in the first line, and 3 in the second.
When lots of lions look at you
It’s best to back away,

so far so good, but --

The pattern breaks here. The headless iamb is okay, as you still have 4 stresses in the line
More so if they look as though
but this one only has two stresses, as far as I can see.
They’re having a bad day.

(That's all I meant.)

*Added 5/3/10: I read the part of the line:
ing a bad as an anapest. Even so, you still only have two stresses.

[Hawkman]

Thanks for explaining Auntie, I'll watch that in future. H

[qimissung]

:eek6: Not bad, not bad at all. :)

[Hawkman]

:angel:

Happy to oblige! :D