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[paperleaves]

A composition equivocally crafted in the likeness of
Mozart's 40th Symphony in G Minor,
a blonde weave rustled by the wind
waits in the passenger seat of a red Ford pickup.
Her peach fingernails and cranberry lips
twirl around a cigarette,
as her left hand sketches dainty, crisp words
that form a concise rhetoric,
words that will inevitably be stolen by
clowns with cartoon grimaces.

She shudders,
knowing, that in order to reach the top
she will inadvertently dirty her cafe au lait pumps
with the soil of hostile territories.

[tailor STATELY]

All in all I liked your poem.

[MorpheusSandman]

Hmmm, it's an interesting piece lacking in the usual sense of intimate, personalization and evocative mysticism you bring to pieces. Not really sure what to make of those closing lines, or the reference to Mozart's 40th Symphony (one of my favorites, btw).

[hillwalker]

A very intense, thought-provoking piece - it asks more questions than it answers.
Like a very short segment of film shown almost out of context - a few video frames recording an event, with all the random and relevant minutiae captured in time - and the reader is left to make of it what he/she will.

I love it

H

[Virgil]

I thought it was very good. Excellent imagery and detail. Not sure it's a stand alone poem. It seems to lack a theme, but wonderfully captured.

[Buh4Bee]

It's feminine, and thank God for it. It is a master piece of a scene.

Having to hike when unprepared, can be disgusting.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I suspect that even a solitary phrase from you would have that unmistakable Paperleavesian ring to it, and here it was as if you were trying on a different hat, a somewhat plainer or more abbreviated one. I love this in all its shrewdly observant quality.

[Bar22do]

Once in public transportation in Moscow, Majakowski is said to had exclaimed: “Draw aside, dirty mob! Don’t you see the Sun’s entered!” He was wearing a yellow shirt. His vanity was legendary.
He sure was a brilliant poet. And he reached the top, for a while.
Your provocative, tense, declarative, well penned poem (or rather your poem's protagonist) reminded me of his exclamation.
Be well! - Bar

[blank|verse]

Well, this has 14 lines, but not sure if that makes it a sonnet, or simply a quartorzain.

It's intriguing - the last stanza suggests the theme is the artist v. 'the man' and how the female protagonist is fearing having to come to terms with a commercial world she mistrusts, feeling they will 'steal' her 'dainty, crisp words'. The irony is that she unquestioningly drives a 'red Ford pickup', wears bright lipstick, smokes cigarettes, thus helping sustain the commercial world she opposes. Well, that's my reading of it anyway!

A minor amendment: deleting the comma after 'knowing' in line 12 would improve the flow.

Still, an interesting piece.

[Hawkman]

I find this a finely crafted snapshot, distilled to its essence. You have painted a vivid portrait which is a pleasure to read. Thanks, H

[breathtest]

Yes it's a lovely clear picture. 'cranberry lips' 'peach fingernails'.

'clowns with cartoon grimaces', great!

The kind of philosophising almost at the end fits beautifully.

[hack]

Paper,
You make me smile.
A slight correction may be in order,
I have it on good authority that
Mozart would have preferred Chevys.

[qimissung]

A very intense, thought-provoking piece - it asks more questions than it answers.
Like a very short segment of film shown almost out of context - a few video frames recording an event, with all the random and relevant minutiae captured in time - and the reader is left to make of it what he/she will.

I love it

H

I agree.

[paperleaves]

Thank you all! I appreciate all of your lovely comments. :)