Mad Girl

[Demeter'sDauter]

mad girl

i am undulating just above
a delightful swell of derangement
sitting next to you i want to
caress your thigh while the
heads bob across the room utter
incoherencies amongst themselves
disconnected i feel we are and
my fingers twitch with
the tactile hallucination of
denim scratching their pads

©maureen refior

[hillwalker]

I love the image/sensation you spin with 'the tactile hallucination of denim' -
a extremely vivid, sensuous poem.

Brilliantly succinct. Well done DD.

H

[Demeter'sDauter]

Why thank you sir.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I don't think Hillwalker is a sir, although possibly a Dame.

What I especially treasured here was your defiance of standard line-breaks, the feeling that there was too much urgency behind it to stand still for convention. And, like hillwalker, I especially admired 'the tactile hallucination of denim'

[hillwalker]

To all my readers,

I beg to go on record that I am most definitely closer to 'sir' (chromosomally, if not according to Debretts) than 'dame'.

Prince, if my avatar photograph is that ambiguous perhaps I had beter change it.....

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

To all my readers,

I beg to go on record that I am most definitely closer to 'sir' (chromosomally, if not according to Debretts) than 'dame'.

Prince, if my avatar photograph is that ambiguous perhaps I had beter change it.....

H

Hey, bro, my apologies! I thought I got it wrong once before & that you corrected me then. Perhaps your initial will serve as a mnemonic: H=he!

[hillwalker]

No probs, Prince - I have sent you a PM as well just in case you didn't return to the scene of the crime.....

(you'll be hearing from my lawyers shortly, lol).

H

[Bar22do]

mad girl

i am undulating just above
a delightful swell of derangement
sitting next to you i want to
caress your thigh while the
heads bob across the room utter
incoherencies amongst themselves
disconnected i feel we are and
my fingers twitch with
the tactile hallucination of
denim scratching their pads

©maureen refior

Your poem, lady DD
is ivory
inlaid in LitNet's ebony!

[Greymure]

well well isn't that interesting. Sounds like you might have a sexual obession with the forbidden. I love the poem.

[MorpheusSandman]

I love how sensuous, descriptive, and rich the piece is despite its brevity. It's like a delicate fresco done in miniature.

[Babyguile]

The unconventional line-breaks, along with the complete absence of vocabulary gives this piece a striking amount of confidence. It delivers in its bravery, its originality and its beautiful language. I just love the word 'undulating' and how this opens this treasure of a poem.

One thing though: shouldn't it be 'bobbing' not 'bob'?

Original!

[Demeter'sDauter]

well well isn't that interesting. Sounds like you might have a sexual obession with the forbidden. I love the poem.

Ahem..."obsession" is such a strong word...how about "strong fascination with" instead? :ihih:

The unconventional line-breaks, along with the complete absence of vocabulary gives this piece a striking amount of confidence. It delivers in its bravery, its originality and its beautiful language. I just love the word 'undulating' and how this opens this treasure of a poem.

One thing though: shouldn't it be 'bobbing' not 'bob'?

Original!

I used "bob" to keep it in the present tense, although I suppose I could have used "bobbing" as well.

Thank you all so much for your feedback - and for clearing up the whole gender issue!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Ahem..."obsession" is such a strong word...how about "strong fascination with" instead? :ihih:

Oh, I quite agree: "obsession" is in the eye of the beholder. Who has a measure precise enough to delineate between obsession and "strong fascination"? And a poem without at least mild fascination with its subject/object might hardly be worth reading.

[Buh4Bee]

I love it! Can't wait to read more. I love the authority in your voice and the honesty of the mad girl's sexuality.