Ambiguities

[Bar22do]

Walls around me, only a view from the window:
a poplar tree against grey bricks of a house
in my minuscule courtyard.

Between the view and my sight of it
there exists a barrier I cannot cross.
Of itself unaware, yet the view shuns my rule.

Life, a combination of chance happenings,
flickers of passion but for an « Orfeo »,
binding choices, Freudian slips, uncertainty?

I muse on the deity of place and presence:
so often the world gets out of his hands too,
as for instance do violent humans or storms.

A neighbour waves to me. Nicely surprised
I shake off ambiguities and soar
towards grace, my only treasure island.

[MorpheusSandman]

I really love this, but I always have a proclivity towards metaphysical/abstract stuff. Though I think you anchor the abstract in the pristinely described minutia of the everyday. Maybe it's just me coming from my own recent state of mind but this seems to equally capture the feelings that I was obsessed with when writing Moving Mountains; of that vague recognition between the other things beyond the concreteness of this life that we can sense but not get any closer to.

[hack]

I like this: "The deity of place and presence"
and am reminded of the Aztec Lord of the With and the By.
He who stands at your shoulder...peace...

[Hawkman]

Hi Bar,

I really love this poem. It is so well rounded and well paced and communicates a sense of place with the musings of a noble soul, contemplating life and goals. Then again to the mundane, captured by a simple gesture of a neighbour or a friend. It is magical. Bravo.

Best. H

[hillwalker]

A wonderfully crafted piece of writing - the balance between haphazard images and reflective thought. It succeeds on so many levels - brilliant work.

H

[Bar22do]

I'm happy you loved it, Morpheus, Hack, Hawkman and Hillwalker! I was afraid not to be up to it, it wasn't an easy one to write.

Morpheus - it was your mentioning Kieslowski (to me the ultimate director and great uncompromising thinker!) in your comments on your inspired "Moving Mountains" that actually triggered the idea of my poem, you're perfectly right to recognise in it a similar state of mind... it was as if "already in my mind" before and you helped it to take form...
Prudent musing on life's restrictions and hesitations ("god" 's too, for IF he/she/it originated the world, he cannot really master it...), the only sure value being – perhaps! - kindness or, in other words, being aware of the "other"... ah, individual life, a crumpled piece of paper in the wind, caught in a yard or elsewhere, though noticed.
Thank you MS.
Hack - Lord of the With and the By... is our guy! he whispers to our ears, is our shadow, or light.
Hawkman - wow, if you saw magic in this poem, you are the magician! thanks so much for having grasped the poem's goal...
Hillwalker - I worked hard on this balance as on the poem's central thought. I'm grateful you felt it.

Thank you all again and - see you soon in your poemsl! Bar

[MorpheusSandman]

Wow! I'm rather startled to know that the catalyst for my recent state of mind (Kieslowski's films) which inspired my poem ultimately inspired you to write this poem which already existed in your mind! Talk about a Kieslowskian moment! This is like something out of The Double Life of Veronique... but without the idea that one has to die for the other to live. It's more like, one has to be born for another to live.

[Bar22do]

Wow! I'm rather startled to know that the catalyst for my recent state of mind (Kieslowski's films) which inspired my poem ultimately inspired you to write this poem which already existed in your mind! Talk about a Kieslowskian moment! This is like something out of The Double Life of Veronique... but without the idea that one has to die for the other to live. It's more like, one has to be born for another to live.

Or the other way around (i.e. one has to live for another to be born), but actually, it doesn't matter that much - it's all about levels of fraternity after all, sparkles planting similar ideas in various intellectual soils, about influencing inspirations... isn't it.
Be well, and again: it makes me happy you love Kieslowski!!! - Bar

[blank|verse]

I'm a bit ambivalent about 'Ambiguities', I'm afraid Bar, as much as I want to strew rose petals of praise all about it and you.

It lacks your usual way with rhythm, particularly in the second stanza, and which the tercet stanzas suggest will be a feature of the poem.

I found the introduction enticing, but thought the fractured, tangential structure - a mix of concrete things and abstract thoughts - a bit unsatisfying. (I can see the similarities with Morpheus's poem.) Poetry usually works better by sticking with one subject and unravelling its mysteries for the reader. I would have liked more of that here.

Still, it's evocative, there are some nice moments in the poem as it stands and it's always good to read your poetry.

There - said it. Hope you're still speaking to me!

[Bar22do]

I'm a bit ambivalent about 'Ambiguities', I'm afraid Bar, as much as I want to strew rose petals of praise all about it and you.

It lacks your usual way with rhythm, particularly in the second stanza, and which the tercet stanzas suggest will be a feature of the poem.

I found the introduction enticing, but thought the fractured, tangential structure - a mix of concrete things and abstract thoughts - a bit unsatisfying. (I can see the similarities with Morpheus's poem.) Poetry usually works better by sticking with one subject and unravelling its mysteries for the reader. I would have liked more of that here.

Still, it's evocative, there are some nice moments in the poem as it stands and it's always good to read your poetry.

There - said it. Hope you're still speaking to me!

Are you crazy? (sorry) why shouldn't I speak to you! because of your honest critique??? actually I knew you wouldn't like this one.
But I'll relate to what you have just written tomorrow, now it's late over here and I MUST go to sleep! So this is only to prove I'm speaking with you. And send my warm regards!
Bar

[MorpheusSandman]

Poetry usually works better by sticking with one subject and unravelling its mysteries for the reader. I don't really know about this; it sounds like a very Western approach to poetry (and art, in general). I've actually been more influenced recently by Eastern art and their method of taking superficially unrelated things, putting them together, and gleaning a new meaning out of the combination. So while there's a contrast in the solidarity of what's being described, there is a continuity in terms of tone and more abstract elements. For me, this is more interesting because it demands more from the audience; instead of just extracting everything from the surface elements, they have to look deeper.

[Bar22do]

B/V, you could still strew a few rose petals all about me, be it for the grace of their scent!...
I confess I feel strongly about this poem. It sat somewhere within me for some time waiting. Morpheus offered the (more un- than conscious) trigger, and my first stanza gave it a first expression which the rest developed.
For me, images and the idea here are consistent and allow/invite the reader to experience/explore some inner layers of reflection, not in any way a revelation of some sudden absolute truth, but that’s just the subject, we roam over our lives uncertain, limited, controlled or escaping control, some unknown forces underlying all. Even the much speculated about (though also unknown) life’s originator seems to lose the power over its creation, sth akin to the idea of the Golem… eventually, our only anchor being our capacity to bond, to be "present" for one another…
I’m sorry the poem didn’t make you travel to any such levels, but as long as we speak with each other...! :) And you know well that I'm learning from the comments, certainly from yours, always so honest, thorough and grounded in your broad knowledge about poetry.
I agree the second stanza sticks out and needs taming…
The tercet sort of built itself, it was unintended, you may be right I should have surrendered to its rule once I became aware of the appearing form.
I’ll give it all my attention when I can revise.
Thanks for your comment and please always feel free to approve or disapprove, to sing praises or just to ignore. Or sth in the middle. Best - Bar

Morpheus: If François Cheng is translated into English, I suggest you could read him, I think you would simply fall in love with some of his poetry. He combines the oriental sensitivity with his great western mind... Thanks for your interesting input!

[MorpheusSandman]

Thanks for the rec, Bar. :)

[lallison]

I enjoyed reading this. The first stanza, with its evocative imagery, brought me into your inner world, that's the sort of poem I love, and then you gradually fade into abstraction, as do we all, only to be brought back to your "only treasure island." There is real beauty here.

This poem also brought me to Eliot's "The Hollow Men," one of my favorites.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

[dizzydoll]

Such beautiful expression.. I especially love the second stanza, it touches my heart. :coolgleamA:

[blank|verse]

Hi Bar,

Thanks for the reply - I tried to find some 'emoticon' petals, but then decided they were no substitute for the real thing. So, instead, here's a fitting Wendy Cope poem, Flowers (http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do;jsessionid=A6B2AC1E61D275DF8ECB8DB5A A6B503B?poemId=5679).

Reading your poem again, I think the main distraction is the third stanza, with its gear-change of narrative tone. I think it's too direct, like an intrusive narrator, after the scene-setting first two stanzas. And the question mark that ends the stanza / sentence is awkward to read. With a meditative piece you want to engage and move the reader, but not distract them and prompt their mind to wander off anywhere other than the poem. Keep them reading.

I have no issue with using tercets, and think you use them well to introduce new themes and develop the poem with each, but just think they could flow more easily, particularly the second stanza (I wasn't keen on the phrase 'there exists a barrier', it's awkward in the mouth). It's an intriguing idea though, and reminded me of Don Paterson's The White Lie (http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=6176).

And (sorry to throw all these poems at you!) here's a good example of a poem which really invites the reader in to different levels of contemplation and awareness. It's written by a guy called Maitreyabandhu, a Buddhist, and it seems clear the poem is written as a Buddhist meditation, culminating in a moment of enlightenment or transcendence. To achieve this, as with a meditation, notice how it all flows so beautifully, so much that you forget about the 'art' or poetry of it and just concentrate on the words and images:

The Small Boy and the Mouse (http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/oct/28/keats-shelley-buddhist-poet)by Maitreyabandhu.

Best wishes,
b|v

[Bar22do]

B/V, I often think you're a magician, with an impressive number of relevant references for any occasion up your sleeves! How do you train your memory! Thanks for your instructive answer (I'll give it all my attention when I revise)! I quickly read the three suggested poems, one better than the other. Maitreyabandhu is a discovery, his poem really brilliant. As is great Peterson. Ah, and:
"look, the flowers you nearly brought have lasted all this while"!!
Thanks.
Overwhelmed by the mass of serious art, I now will let mine rest for a while in quiet contemplation...

Thanks lallison, for your appreciation and for the association with Eliot's poem! I'm honoured my path has led you to him!

dizzydoll, thanks for your special attention to my second stanza. In the barnyard of this poem this is my homely, ugly duckling, my beloved -- with all my hopes for it to change onto the most beautiful of its flock, when time's ripe...

Thanks all. Bar