Silence

[ur_shadow89]

Let my silence echo in your ears.
Be deaf to my unspoken words
for I shall not utter a word;
I will be your silence.

[dizzydoll]

I love this poem, it says so much. Silence is so sweet, and of course Silence is extremely powerful, especially in revenge. Silence in death, equally taunting. The timing of Silence is key too. We meditate in Silence, it works too. The deafening Silence after a catastrophe. The Silence after the kids leave home. I can go on and on, this poem covers every single aspect of silence that I can think of.

Excellent job. :biggrin5:

[MorpheusSandman]

I love how the first line reaches out and grabs you, but I think there's some problems after that... the way it's worded makes it confusing what is supposed to be "deaf" to your words. Intuitively from the syntax one would think that the silence itself would be deaf, but ears would logically be deaf. I think the third line seems superfluous since you've already mentioned your silence in the first line (entailing you won't "utter a word"), and the fourth line is just... odd. You went from owning the silence - "Let MY silence" - to BEING silence?

[hillwalker]

I think the key to this little poem is in your phrase 'let me be ur shadow' at the footnote (what do they call those things anyway?) to your post.

Some of the phrasing and punctuation makes it a little difficult to understand without some very minor editing.

Let my silence echo in your ears.

Be deaf to my unspoken word
for I shall not utter a word;
I will be your silence.

makes more sense , where your silence will manifest itself in the other person's silence.
although it is rather repetitive ('word' at the end of lines 2 and 3)

A thought-provoking piece though. Good stuff.

H

[ur_shadow89]

@dizzydoll: Thanks for sharing your thoughts about “silence” and indeed it covers vast aspects in our lives.

@Morpheus: Appreciate your comments and for pointing out the flaws in this poem.

@Hillwalker: Thank you very much for sharing your thought & suggestions about my poem. It definitely sounds better now.

[dizzydoll]

Perfect. :thumbsup:

[Il Dante]

Following Dizzydoll's interpretation, it seems to me that this signifies one person (namely, the speaker) recognizing how much another person needs silence and thus says nothing. It's an interesting sentiment, and I like the last line best...

However, my issue here is that this poem reminds me very much of a few lines and metaphors from "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkle:

People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

This seemed awful close to some of the language of your poem. I'm not accusing you of plagiarism; I don't know if you were thinking of those lines from Simon & Garfunkle. I'm just saying they're pretty similar.

[MorpheusSandman]

The changes were minor but I think the difference in how it reads is immense. Now the last line seems to resonate with what came before it; the third line seems more... menacing now and not nearly as meaningless.

[Hawkman]

I agree, good call, good edit, good poem. H

[ur_shadow89]

Thank you so much for your comments.

@Il Dante: I've heard the song of "Sounds of Silence" but I'm not familiar with the lyrics. I was just thinking of the word "silence" when I wrote that poem.

[dizzydoll]

Something was said which stuck out in my mind but it made me think of your poem where you so eloquently describe Silence...

I usually ask my guides what advice they can provide me for the day, then I pay attention to the next thing that comes into my mind. You'll be amazed at the excellent direction I've gotten from this little exercise. Anyway one time when I was younger this is what popped into my mind:
I shall learn to be still.

Today I thought of that ^^^ again plus Silence, which I love anyway, and then I thought of your poem, so now I bring it up to see the SunLight once again. We dont attach nearly as much value to Silence, as we should. http://serve.mysmiley.net/winking/winking0071.gif (http://www.mysmiley.net/free-ashamed-smileys.php)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I didn't see the uneditted original but as it stands now it seems to me an heroic act of self-sacrifice.

[blazeofglory]

Let my silence echo in your ears.
Be deaf to my unspoken words
for I shall not utter a word;
I will be your silence.

Words unspoken are more powerful than the ones spoken, and when two persons stay quietly for a while. Words unutterable are really intriguingly impenetrable.