Tattoo

[hillwalker]

TATTOO

untwist my arm
unbruise the blues you beat upon my skin
those fading roses on my cheeks
my lips inflamed with kisses
bitten through
still scabbed
still raw

my new chipped tooth the aftermath
dark eyes downturned
too timid to take in the damage
face the world
my sister’s words an echo in my ears
her b1tching voice each night
as always right

your fingers tight as tourniquet
three stripe marks left
white bitemarks
bones
exposed and aching
worn to driftwood by your random tides

a burning pain runs through my veins
like razor wire
velocity of blood returning
colour
like a reprimand

let go my hand

this needle holds no swift release
no miracle of timely sleep
no leap through fire
no hip hop dance
no nod of recognition from my cells
I won’t tread air tonight

a teasing threat to draw fresh blood
the same old curse
my blood not yours
I cannot look
I dare not watch him weave his spell
your rule
my hell

but now the sting has gone away
I marvel at his craft
the curl of green
each single leaf a work of art
that will not wither over time
and every petal blooming red as bloody nose
will always be a perfect rose

yet even now
you have to tarnish it
for everyone to see
attach your name
all still the same
each poison letter
like a reprimand

I wear your brand

[Hawkman]

I thought this a remarkably effective peice of writing, and until I reviewed the title I thought it was about something else entirely! I have never been a fan of body art of any kind, I never wanted any but nevertheless, I am impressed by the skill of its practitioners.

But I always felt that yes, I would have been branded if I'd got a tattoo, and having spent 9 years at sea I had plenty of compatriots who did. Not for me though!

Thanks for sharing. H

[hillwalker]

Thanks Hawk - it is actually about two things - but hopefully the reader will infer the same from it that you obviously did (and then decided to dismiss).

Hence the line 'I wear your brand'.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

The whole of this has the sting you intend (just possibly a bit too much of it) but some lines sting a bit deeper than others:




TATTOO
your fingers tight as tourniquet
three stripe marks left
white bitemarks
bones
exposed and aching
worn to driftwood by your random tides



but now the sting has gone away
I marvel at his craft
the curl of green
each single leaf a work of art
that will not wither over time
and every petal blooming red as bloody nose
will always be a perfect rose



each poison letter
like a reprimand

I wear your brand

[hillwalker]

Thank you Prince - I value your responses.

Indeed there are the 'stings' of an abusive relationship and drug dependency as an undercurrent - as well as the 'sting' of the tattooist's needle and what it represents to the tattooee (if there is such a word?).

H

[dizzydoll]

I interpret it as the branding of love [via a tattoo] on your heart. If this is correct its very deep, showing the scars left behind. But I might be completely wrong, if so, it can be read like this too.

I will come back to read again, I like to chew on poetry and will often switch to different interpretations after doing so.

[lostworld]

You have done a wonderful job with this piece of poetry. Your work flows beautifully, and is the perfect blend of bitterness and sweetness.

I interpenetrate it as only a broken heart would. That the subject is looking back on the pain and scars of bad relationship.

Again beautiful work thank you for sharing.

[hillwalker]

Thank you both dizzy and lostworld - it was originally intended as a straightforward description of a young woman trapped in an abusive relationship but then I realised it could work on more than one level with a little tinkering.

I'm pleased it is giving you food for thought.

H

[N.W.Alexander]

My interpretation if you dont mind:) was that this child was bullied by society and at home that's what I envisioned when i read this the first time the second time I saw you sort of juggling from the first idea to the title itself but over all very good

[blank|verse]

Another good piece, hillwalker.

I think the main strength is the force of the metaphor (or conceit) that has real emotional punch.

The short, tight lines reflect the tension and anguish of the character's life, with the horribly suggestive elements of abuse and drug dependence. I felt this was also reflected in the language - I was going to say you should have an indefinite article before 'tourniquet' (or pluralise it):

your fingers tight as tourniquet
but then read:

let go my hand
which works well (even though I'm not keen on it being its own stanza) and convinced me that stripping back the language works effectively here.

With those things in mind, I think the weakness of the poem is that it's too long (something I've said of some other of your poems). You could do with an editor! I think this is particularly relevant here as it means the poem loses intensity and impact.

Still, a forceful piece.

[hillwalker]

Thanks again BV for your incisive observations. I know that I do tend to go on - and I did think about leaving out the 2nd stanza since it does not add much to the poem except to underline the girl's dilemma.

The remaining verses though will have to remain in one form or another in order to convey the complete message.

'tight as tourniquet' was just a cheeky attempt to change a concrete noun into an abstract one - since it has a certain ring to it and fits the line better without a preposition.

I do tend to play with the 'rules' of language when I write and see no harm if it is justified.

'let go my hand' was specifically included as a single stanza (following 'reprimand') in order that the form could be repeated again following 'reprimand' as the final clinching stanza 'I wear your brand'.

Thanks again - I will bear you in mind when I'm at the editorial stage!!

H

and NWA - thank you also for your generous response.

[Alexander III]

There was something in that poem, its structure and wording which conveyed the sense of fear and pain perfectly, almost in a haunting way.

[hillwalker]

Thanks AIII - the image does haunt me at times as well.....
Pleased you gained something from reading it.

H