Man of Lost on Lost Boy's Bridge

[Revolte]

Man of lost on Lost Boy's Bridge
completely dressed in white
took to my ears his aging fears
in his simple walk's delight.

Calming sea is passing through
beneath the rotting wood.
He said to me “this couldn't be,
I've hardly even stood

upon the sand of Santa Cruz
but now I walk new path.
Tell me dear should I fear
treading past that sand?”

Smiling back and thinking hard
I gave my best reply
“Well my friend that depends,
are you afraid of heights?”

[blank|verse]

And I feel the brilliant characterization in this darkly humorous ballad has been criminally overlooked...

[MorpheusSandman]

I quite love this but I have some minor technical quibbles:

-"Man of lost" sounds kinda weird. I'm not sure what it really tells us differently than "Lost Man"

-"Took to my ears" is also a bit awkward. "Told my ears" works better I think.

-I would add commas after "He said to me", "tell me dear", and "well my friend". They help because without them the rhythm is a bit disruptive; turning the middle of the lines into weird spondees.

-"I walk new path" also doesn't work. "Paths" would fix the problem.