euphoric intimacy

[stephanson]

My body shook, as the content of my stomach
Was forced up into my mouth
In a form of revenge from betraying my love
The idea, of my brother was and is
My boyfriend. The father of my son, Cain.
A darkened spirit, spitefully against our tainted life
How could I not know, our father?
The single god of my creation, and of his.
In the form of chaos, looking through one eye
Upon the world beneath the held up skies above
He lay there, contently
My beautiful Adam; euphorically departed
As if nothing of which I know, can now hurt him
It was merely of his misfortune and promiscuity
That it occurred, this destined fate?
His selfishness and subtle obsession for sexual and complicated desires
No longer fulfilled by one woman, a range.
How many brothers or sisters do I have?
I cannot be sure of this. Who’s to know whether my first or last
Will not be of some kind of relation
I cannot be sure of such knowledge
I may in fact be related to everyone, is that not what Jesus preached?
I gag once more, the sink is somewhat cleared, the swirl
Of gravity pulling the thickened liquid down
Generates the thought that maybe, in fact maybe.
My body was his, hers was mine and I am also my father
Does this conclude that everyone is singular?
That we were all in fact the sons of Adam
He is now gone and what is left of him,
Is planted in this forever cycling world
While they rest and fulfill themselves, far below the earth
Created by a goddess intending a world for the great
Like my dear loves
At rest in a heaven of their own.
The remains of him rest in my lap. While what we created now lay in my arms
Regrettably, unfortunately and sadly, lay in my arms



please everyone/anyone try and comment on what you think and what you interprete! even if its simply "wtf"

[hillwalker]

From one apple to another.....

Very intriguiing topic - Creation and its aftermath from Eve's pov.

I must say that I much prefer the descriptions of her feelings to the verbalisation of her doubts. Perhaps you might want to consider shortening it and making more use of your wonderful descriptive powers.

"the swirl of gravity" and "this forever cycling world" work particularly well.

I liked this as a whole despite the parts I didn't think worked quite as well (?).

H

[stephanson]

thankyou, all opinions are welcomed and most deffinitly considered

[Lote-Tree]

please everyone/anyone try and comment on what you think and what you interprete! even if its simply "wtf"

wtf!!!!!? ;-)

[stephanson]

wtf!!!!!? ;-)

haha thanks, its good to know i have the ability to question something

[PrinceMyshkin]

Very anguished! In fact, too much so for my liking. You establish the anguish in the first several lines then sort of back off to give us a murky back history of it, then try to defend or explain it, meanwhile the primary fact of the anguish fades and fades away...

[stephanson]

Very anguished! In fact, too much so for my liking. You establish the anguish in the first several lines then sort of back off to give us a murky back history of it, then try to defend or explain it, meanwhile the primary fact of the anguish fades and fades away...

thankyou all the constructive critisism is welcomed and like i said previously i consider it all, thanks again.