Rooms, Those Rooms

[Hayseed Huck]

I’ll take these upstairs rooms
just vacated by the two American
girls I see walking down the stairs.

I love these walls painted poolhall
yellow and turtle green-- vacant
rooms female residued. I want their
bed, crumpled sheets unwashed after
all-girl spoon (did they cuddle
purposeful or accidental in the night?)

I want in my mouth their ooze of sleep,
dried, underside a pillowcase. I want
rooms with chintz screens round
the commode where they sat-- a iron
chain rusty pulled for flush.

I see Lori reading catalogs, brochures
for museums, cafes, maps Rue de l'Universite,
Rue de Beaume, reading Miller's Tropics,
Anais Nins' blackman and his little birds.

I'll have tables, lamps Malvern, a sink
for washing tomatoes, onions, rutebaga,
melons and squash. There's Lydia shucking
corn--time out to scratch her underarms
and pantied crotch.

She pulls back her hair.

I want their rooms now that they have
gone home to Chicago and Newport Beach.
Summer continues to roll by. I go to Marie's,
buy wine, bread and baskets of groceries.

"Hey Marie, did you know those girls,
girls who rented rooms where I now live?

"I knew them, Larry."

HH

[dizzydoll]

This doesnt seem like a poem or prose at all. Should there not be some rhyme or rhythm at all? To me this reads like a short story with structured layout, but then.. I know nothing poetry or prose, but lets not forget I am the reader. For whom do you write? And something else, why is it so busy? Again its personal for me, the KISS philosophy [keep it simple stupid] says so much more, imo.

I am not criticizing, these are simply simple questions who will help all.

[stephanson]

This doesnt seem like a poem or prose at all. Should there not be some rhyme or rhythm at all? To me this reads like a short story with structured layout, but then.. I know nothing poetry or prose but after all I am the reader. And something else, why is it so busy? Again its personal for me, the KISS philosophy [keep it simple stupid] is much more expressive, imo.

it can be classed as a dramatic monolouge which is a form of poetry.

i really like this HH it is very lustful in a way

[bowengoh]

This is actually one of the loveliest poems I've read in a while. Wistful. Nice.

[dizzydoll]

If you changed this layout.. its an essay. So why isnt it an essay is probably the better question?

[stephanson]

If you changed this layout.. its an essay. So why isnt it an essay is probably the better question?

because a essay debates something.. it is a dramatic monolouge - think of it like a phonecall, you know someone is on the end but you cant hear what there saying however you can gather what is being said.

[lallison]

Haha, I like it, but kept thinking you should probably get out more for the sake of sanity. : )

Here is a famous example of a dramatic monologue dizzydoll: http://www.portablepoetry.com/poems/alfredlord_tennyson/ulysses.html

[hillwalker]

Briliant - I love this poem and it is a poem because you say it is. You wrote it so you don't need anyone else to validate the fact that it's a poem, do you?

It really touches upon the idea of sexuality and sensuality - how men will often make such a big deal of something 'handled' or 'utilised' or 'worn' by a woman purely because it conjures up her image (particularly valid if she is no longer there).

A brave piece of writing - and of course the unspoken line at the end of the poem would as likely as not be "And so did I!"

[Hayseed Huck]

Yes, the feminine enhances in a sensuous way
all she touches.

Thanks for the comments, all.

HH