My Poems...

[Morterogio]

!!!Before reading!!!
!!! I'm not a native English speaker.
!!! I'm not a poet.
!!! I don't even like poems!



I'm on the way, so clear.
Existing in this world without fear.
Laying dead on the ground,
being tortured, till I'm found.



But the lifes endless dreams
seem to kill the guy, who
killed your tree leaves.
your tree of happiness now
dries in the bottom of the abandoned
valley, where it was forgotten,
it got riped off of it's thoughts.
Of it's happy thoughts.


That agony of yours is so grouse,
that it seems to have it's own course.
Course that's picked by devils lord,
the one, who made this world so cold.


It's rain, beating on glass so violent,
it's pain, letting me know this silence.
And there are them.Those creatures...
I have never seen them but i feel them.
I feel their hate and their faith.
I feel, that they are again late.
Late, to take me with them.
With them to the world of utter bitterness and sour pain.
To kill my hope to ever see sunlight again. Again in the morning...

All those four are written by me.
Not the best ones that i have but i will put all of them up later...
So... What you think?
(They are written here as they are in my notebook...No mistakes repaired. Except first one, witch is also the first poem i ever wrote in English...)

[hillwalker]

A difficult poem on first reading - dark and threatening, with much tension in the way it is laid out.

Considering that this is not your first language you have managed to create some very vivid images.

You admit that there are some mistakes - perhaps it is best to correct what you can before posting them to avoid negative responses. We all make mistakes, but usually we are too vain to allow the rest of the world to see them.

The third poem is less successful to be honest.
"gross" (?) is rather a weak word associated with American teenagers' dislikes for something that looks unpleasant or tastes bad - not something you would use to describe agony.
Also repeating the word 'course' breaks up the flow of the poem.

But you will improve if you continue in this way I am sure.

Good luck

H