My Life For Yours

[Dark Muse]

My Life For Yours

Close my eyes
counting heart beats
for bullet holes
erupting through my soul
the pain explodes
a brief relief
because I know now
it was all mine
and I see a moment
your anguished face
slipping away into blackness
given the chance
I would do it again
without hesitating.

Let death rip through me
before it ever draws
near to touching you
my life is yours
lain before the altar
of devotion
I tremble still
to think of you
now appearing in the haze
of an angel
but it is only the sinking sun
behind your back
you are now the earthly one
as soon my soul will rise above.

[Il Dante]

Bravo! Very powerful.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you!

[blazeofglory]

This surrender is primal in humans. This renunciation is what characterizes femininity. And of course a few, males, have taken this to trade with love, romance and the like, the majority makes too much use of the submissive nature of their counterparts, females.

Ultimately without surrender procreation cannot go on and on and on for eternity. Therein lies the beauty notwithstanding the ugly part on the part of the few males.

I find the poem palatably intoxicating

[Dark Muse]

Thank you for your interesting and insightful comments, even if I do not fully agree. The poem is not so much meant to be about "surrender" or "submission" though I supposed to a degree that plays a part, it was not meant in a negative, or "weakness" way, but rather it was pure and simply about loving another person, be a man or a woman so much that you would literally take a bullet for them. I see it more as an act of nobility rather than a meek surrendering.

[blazeofglory]

I understand the meaning both literal and figurative of "surrender". When we surrender we will be in a state of ecstasy, but only if the other partner is pure, unadulterated. But in this world idealizing this state is not possible and it will only frustrate us more.

I do not mean the ideal love of surrender is impossible. I have seen it. But many a time people become betrayed.

Of course surrender beguiles us and it is a kind of intoxication.

But it is possible only if we know the partner we surrender is as pure as ourselves. But this is Platonic love. Not of course modern.

[Dark Muse]

I understand the meaning both literal and figurative of "surrender". When we surrender we will be in a state of ecstasy, but only if the other partner is pure, unadulterated. But in this world idealizing this state is not possible and it will only frustrate us more.

I do not mean the ideal love of surrender is impossible. I have seen it. But many a time people become betrayed.

Of course surrender beguiles us and it is a kind of intoxication.

But it is possible only if we know the partner we surrender is as pure as ourselves. But this is Platonic love. Not of course modern.

I was not questionining your understanding of the word surrender, but rather your understanding of what my intent was behind this poem, as from your comments you seem to be reading something quite different into it.

[blazeofglory]

I was not questionining your understanding of the word surrender, but rather your understanding of what my intent was behind this poem, as from your comments you seem to be reading something quite different into it.

Is it your intent to idealize the surrender? Do you mean it is divine and pure? I just tired to be realistic. commented thru a realistic standpoint.

[Dark Muse]

I think the problem is I do not see it as surrender in the same way that you do. To me this poem is not truly about surrender. Yes in a litteral sense it is about someong "surrendering" thier life, but my view point upon it is not the same as your own. The poem for me is not a poem about being submissive. It is a poem about someone taking a wilful action to save the life of another. It is about acting on a pure simple instinct when another is in danger to defend them. I do not find anything passive in doing this, nor do I find it surrendering.

[blazeofglory]

I think the problem is I do not see it as surrender in the same way that you do. To me this poem is not truly about surrender. Yes in a litteral sense it is about someong "surrendering" thier life, but my view point upon it is not the same as your own. The poem for me is not a poem about being submissive. It is a poem about someone taking a wilful action to save the life of another. It is about acting on a pure simple instinct when another is in danger to defend them. I do not find anything passive in doing this, nor do I find it surrendering.

Maybe you are true. I reconcile with your thoughts. Of course the beauty of a poem is it is implicit and at times the same poem says different things to different readers. Maybe I had looked at it from one corner or dimension.

I understand now the spirit of your poem. Yes there are good instincts and bad. When a good instinct is at work on us we get swayed to do something to the extent of surrendering. A beautiful thought!!!

[hillwalker]

A very clever poem - particularly the ending with the image of the 'survivor' standing in front of the setting sun and taking on the image of an angel.
I can also see why you challenged the posts relating to 'surrendering' as a passive display of weakness - perhaps 'sacrifice' is more in keeping with what you had in mind - no stronger a show of love than sacrificing your life so another can live.

Good work

H

[Dark Muse]

- perhaps 'sacrifice' is more in keeping with what you had in mind - no stronger a show of love than sacrificing your life so another can live.

Yes! That hits the nail on the head of what my intent was with this poem.

Thank you for your comments.

[hillwalker]

You're welcome - and should congratulate yourself that the message got through to one reader at least.....

[Il Dante]

You're welcome - and should congratulate yourself that the message got through to one reader at least.....

Self-sacrifice for the life of another: this was also the message I took from this poem. It is a noble and beautiful one too.