Eternal slumber

[cute angel]

Hello,guys:angel:

How are you doing?,hope you are doing great.

I has been a long time since I've posted a poem here hope you 're gonna enjoy reading those humble lines.:angel:

Any critics are heighly appreciated

Eternal Slumber

Where is the light!
Am I at night?
Or did I lose my sight
Tell me which one of them is right!

Oh dear me

I am alone in this place
I'm the new dead of human race
where am I in that case?


Oh dear me

I am in eternal slumber
In a dark small chamber

Smells like dust on old books
Feels like cold rocks

Oh dear me

I hear voices all around
They are my neighbours of the underground

I wanted to tell them my story
I liked them to learn about my glory

But none heared or cared
Everybody was either happy or scared

I hear screams that reach the highest skies
And laughters like songs of a bird that flies

I am confused and hopeful
I am embarresed and cheerful

I know that there is God
Whom I loved in the dreamy world

I admitted my mistakes
With a heart that cries and shakes

Before I came to that grave
So I am happy not to be Satan's slave

Yes I still have sins like mountains
But God's mercy flows like pure fountains

God the Almighty,I am the poor dead
Whose body came from soil and to it ,it returned to have a bed
Have mercy upon me Oh compassionate God
I ask you heaven despite my sins
Because you are the most Merciful ,the most Compassionate
5_4_2010

[Hayseed Huck]

Dear poet,

If you wish to relay your deepest thoughts, ideas,
desires, wishes, emotions, write prose.

if you wish to hide your deepest thoughts, ideas,
desires, wishes, emotions write poetry.

Poetry hides; prose reveals.

Never use words of emotion in poetry.

Instaed of 'I am so sad she left me alone
only with my memories,"

write (if in a poem)

Her white levies
and checkered shirt
lay in a heap
on the floor
next to the washer.

At midmight I guessed
her at least to Memphis
on that Trailways bus.

Her side of the bed
was warm--
mine was cold.

!!!!!!!!!!!

The reader supplies the emotion,
the poet only prompts by reference
to things, to concrete obects.

Poetry ought never teach or preach
or expound on ideas. Ideas are here
today and gone tomorrow. Only things
never change-- that is, once in a
poem, they never change.

Humble advice, but you do what you want--
you will anyway.

Hayseed Huck

[cute angel]

Thanks for the advice,may be you've said that woz we belong to different cultures .But I wanna know your point of view concerning the way it's written regardless of the aim.

THANKS so much I do appreciate what you've already said.

[Hayseed Huck]

Thank you,

For accepting my slim advice with good cheer.

I'll be around until I become a pest.

HH

[cute angel]

It's alright,I said before that any critics are heighly appreciated and that's the way to be a good writer isn't?

[Il Dante]

With all due respect to HayseedHuck... I could not disagree with you more, Huck.

If poetry is not to express thoughts, feelings, desires, emotions, teachings, or wisdom... what is it for? Would you rather that poetry be contentless?

Would you rather that all poetry be like Lewis Carrol's Jabberwocky?

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe

Poetry is a human creation and therefore it can be whatever we want it to be.

[Hayseed Huck]

Hello poetry pal,

If poetry is not to express thoughts, feelings, desires,
emotions, teachings, or wisdom... what is it for? Would you
rather that poetry be contentless?

Again, I am in the best company (TS Eliot) when I say
poetry does not express ...

Of course, all depends upon the definition of 'express.'

Poetry says things that the reader 'expresses.'

Poetry gives the reader prompts for certain emotions,
thoughts, feelings, etc. All is in the hands of the
reader. I say 'hands' because I mistrust the mind.

It is the biology of the reader that respnds to a poem,
not his mind.

Oh well,

In this way, I elevate poetry to a station higher than
merely a pipe through which emotions flow.

Nice talking with you.

HH

[shortstoryfan]

Oh, Hayseed Huck. I totally agree, I think.

But if you are using the images and the reader is responding to them...hmm. Obviously, you can't control reader response 100% of the time. But is that what you think poets aim to do? Provide conduits for reader response? I just feel kind of lost in this idea.

I mean obviously, you don't want to just blindly state feelings or thoughts, but use concrete images to show them...hmm. I'm really just lost now.

[cute angel]

I'm so grateful to all of you for those comments,but I'm lost can you state it clearly,what do you think of my poem is it that bad?

[dizzydoll]

Oh, Hayseed Huck. I totally agree, I think.

I just feel kind of lost in this idea.

I mean obviously, you don't want to just blindly state feelings or thoughts, but use concrete images to show them...hmm. I'm really just lost now.

Thank you Huck we all learn from you, there's no need to panic.. just time to process and digest. :nod:

[cute angel]

Thanks guys.

[lallison]

Yeah, I cast my vote on the side of the concrete. Poetry is definitely about emotions and ideas, but if you just blurt them out, they aren't art. The trick is to use figurative language to create ideas and emotions. If you just want to state them, then you might as well wright a letter. Although if you state them in meter and rhyme, that will sound just fine, HA!

[shortstoryfan]

Yes, but my problem is...people have just always TOLD me to use images. Now I have to go back and think about this...reader response stuff, I guess? I guess I'm not really an Imagist though, so...I'll have to reconcile some things.

[Hayseed Huck]

Hooray!

Now we have something important going on-- the
willingness to consider and the gracious provision
by which done.

I say 'provision' in that all I offer here on this
subject is probable only, as probablility is the
very guide of
life.

Certainties are rarely available, except in syllogism,
and even there one must take the inductive leap to ac-
cept the premises.

We have certitudes about things, (again) rarely certi-
tudes. At one time man was felt certain the sun moved
around the earth. It was certitude only. Certitudes can
be shown to be false; certainties never.

In this way, I have only certitude that the best poetry
does not express.
***

The poem under discussion here resists acute comment
fpr reason of its subject matter-- indiscriminate faith.

I come to this position after consideration that it lies
outside my intent.

Faith by definition ignores all matters of ordinary in-
spection. Faith depends upon discernment, that is, re-
ligious language depends upon discernment.

It is difficult to begin an analysis if discernment holds,
and it does in this poem. Discernment is that moment when
'the shoe drops,' the 'ice breaks,' the situation at hand
takes on a new dimension, a shock of recognition and a re-
lease to clarification.

Let's see if I can put it in drama.

The courtroom is full. The defendant takes the witness
stand accused of murder. She looks at the judge; he looks
at her. The jury sits grim and stony-faced. the crowd
hushes.

A moment ...

"Penny ...?"

"Oh ... Mike!"

Seems the judhe and the lady were lovers back in college
30 years before.

Now the situation takes on a new dimension. The shock, the
recognition. Everything changes but nothing has essentially
changed.

Now everyone discerns.

It is that moment, that heavy, impregnated moment when the
two people come awake, the ice breaks, the shoe drops, the
reticular response-- the hair raises, orifices dilate,
adrealine surges.

Nothing can be said in such a moment. it is rapture. It is
the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa (Bernini). And nothing can be
said against it.

It is faith.

That's why I now choose to let this poem be what it is
without further comment. There will be other poems better
suited to allow test of my theory.

HH

[cute angel]

Well,I like the way you discuss things,this is pretty good.I like Huck's vision to the poem thanks so much ,eventhough,this poem has nth to do with court or life it's a very faithful about the herefter.May be our different cultures and views made us apart.I agree with you that poet's thoughts and emotions shouldn't be stated directly that I do agree with 100 percent.But it was just a try and I wanted to know if I 'm advised to carry on writing or not.
Thanks for all of you I was honoured to read those delightful comments.

Regards

[hillwalker]

You say it's a long time since you last posted a poem...

Never give up on your writing.
I love the phrases "the dreamy world" and "sins like mountains"

It's a worn-out cliche but I was always told to SHOW not TELL. Provide the image and the reader will come up with the emotion.

Keep it up

H

[cute angel]

I'm so happy to hear that ,I'll do my best with God's will.

Regards