counting backwards

[nightshifft]

Hello i have not been on in sometime but i was feeling a bit down today so as i do i wrote what i was feeling


counting backwards

counting backwards
100 iam afraid
99 I feel my mind my grip begin to slip away
98 stop I don't want to do this there has to be another way
97 I try to move but conscious has fled
along with my my life my hopes dreams
love falters in time I feel it slipping away
iam awake the thing is done iam free of cancer
trying to regain my life I fight 5 months 7 months
then the horrible truth
the lies in your eyes pain in your voice
jokes on me
the horrible truth
the pain the loss the lies
new cancers growth
sorry we must have missed some
radiation hope prayer all for nothing
more pain more aches more heart break
living on borrowed time
2 years 10 years ? nobody can say
what I wouldn't give for the two years I could have had
still whole still a man still loving you and you loving me
holding each other my arms around you tight
dreaming of life
no endless fights that stripped and ate away at our love
no shadow of another to haunt my every night
like the cancer that lives in me
tired I grow weak its hard keep hope in my heart
counting backwards
100 iam afraid
99 I feel my mind my grip begin to slip away
98 stop I don't want to do this there has to be another way
97 I try to move but conscious has fled
along with my my life my hopes dreams
love falters in time I feel it slipping away
if only I could live in yesterday

dark 2010

[PrinceMyshkin]

The counting backward device is very compelling. I found myself hoping that this was not autobiographically realm but fear that it might be. I send you whatever hope I can...

[lallison]

Keep writing and expressing your feelings, you do it so well.

[hillwalker]

A very powerful piece of writing - and painful as it may seem I'm sure that writing down all one's fears helps cleanse the soul in some way.

Good stuff

[Bar22do]

Hey NightShifft! welcome back! and come on, hard as it is in your position, please do see yourself in the all powerful beauty of your Wholeness! Cancer is not you. You can become what you see. So, don't see cancer, don't feed its strength! Admire yourself instead!!! Celebrate even the tiniest manifestation of health in you! Your bits of everyday's joys. Radiate your harmony to overcome radiations' side effects! If you feel like, check about the Hipocrates Institute in Ca, they might be able to give you a great support!
Back to your stream of poetry: I see it as healing you, exteriorizing fear doubt and fragility of hope, hopefully for you to take a new deep breath and fight the invader till you win. Till YOU win. And we are all with you. Well, I am. And your poetic talent is there for you as well. And probably much more... just look in the right directions!
Scream at me if I irritate you...
With warmest regards and thoughts - Bar