True Lord?

[anzki4]

True Lord?

"Lord will be with you",
says the priest in temple.
I wish I could believe it too,
byt my mind doesn`t tremble.
How can I make a right choice,
to choose the true religion.
I wish I had some inner voice,
to guide me to the heavenly legion.

What is the true God, if any.
What if on my quest, I fail.
Who`s the right Lord? There`s too many!
What if the God is a tale?
I ponder and ponder,
but find nothing.
No matter how much I wonder,
I get nothing.
I am on a search of truth.
And that, I guess, never ends.


Any comments would be welcome.

[blazeofglory]

True Lord?

"Lord will be with you",
says the priest in temple.
I wish I could believe it too,
byt my mind doesn`t tremble.
How can I make a right choice,
to choose the true religion.
I wish I had some inner voice,
to guide me to the heavenly legion.

What is the true God, if any.
What if on my quest, I fail.
Who`s the right Lord? There`s too many!
What if the God is a tale?
I ponder and ponder,
but find nothing.
No matter how much I wonder,
I get nothing.
I am on a search of truth.
And that, I guess, never ends.


Any comments would be welcome.

I like this predicament of you, and in fact everybody else's in our quest of something eternal and in fact most of us are fraught with desperations. I too have the same inkling for decades and of course man has for centuries and millenniums. You and I are the sum total of all that were existent before us and what our ancestors have arrived at or realized or understood has seeped into us and our knowledge and experience is the sum & substance of what they have learned

[PrinceMyshkin]

Indeed, your last line is a great truth. Pity those who give up the search because they've found the OK answer.

[anzki4]

I like this predicament of you, and in fact everybody else's in our quest of something eternal and in fact most of us are fraught with desperations. I too have the same inkling for decades and of course man has for centuries and millenniums. You and I are the sum total of all that were existent before us and what our ancestors have arrived at or realized or understood has seeped into us and our knowledge and experience is the sum & substance of what they have learned

Indeed and because everybody learned the different "truth" nobody can even count how many "truths" there are at the moment. Thank you for your comment.


Indeed, your last line is a great truth. Pity those who give up the search because they've found the OK answer.

Thank you too Prince. I`m planning never to give up the search :)

[Bar22do]

True Lord?

"Lord will be with you",
says the priest in the temple.
I wish I could believe it too,
but my mind doesn`t tremble.
How can I make a right choice,
to choose the true religion.
I wish I had some inner voice
to guide me to the heavenly legion.

What is the true God, if any.
What if on my quest, I fail.
Who`s the right Lord? There are too many!
What if the God is a tale?
I ponder and ponder,
but find nothing.
No matter how much I wonder,
I get nothing.
I am on a search of truth.
And that, I guess, never ends.


Any comments would be welcome.

Pls see some corrections inside your poem above (in green). Here too there are repetitions and too much rhyming to my taste, it would do good your poem to be trimmed, perhaps, but only perhaps sth like:

True Lord?

"Lord will be with you",
always says the priest.
I wish I could believe him,
but nothing inside me confirms.
How can I choose the sure path?
I wish some inner voice led me
to a well of truth.

What does the Lord mean?
Gods are so many! or is it
tale after tale. I marvel
while the horizon is still bare.
But I'm on a search for truth,
and that's what's all about, I guess.

Anzki, I hope you don't mind my fast proposed editing. (an example of).. you can always disregard it, or use it, work with it, goes without saying! Best wishes - Bar

[Buh4Bee]

Bar- my only thought about how you rewrote the poem is your ending changes the meaning of the original. I believe Anzki's version makes the search for faith a universal quest, while your version seems to personalize the quest. I think Anzki's version is more relevant the way it ends as it speaks to all who struggle with this.

Let him/her speak.

As a poem it does bring forth the great human predicament that all who seek out faith face. There is no answer, unless you can turn your ear to the ground and really believe. But who can really do that if it only feels like magic or acting out a fairy tale?

[Bar22do]

Bar- my only thought about how you rewrote the poem is your ending changes the meaning of the original. I believe Anzki's version makes the search for faith a universal quest, while your version seems to personalize the quest. I think Anzki's version is more relevant the way it ends as it speaks to all who struggle with this.

Let him/her speak.

As a poem it does bring forth the great human predicament that all who seek out faith face. There is no answer, unless you can turn your ear to the ground and really believe. But who can really do that if it only feels like magic or acting out a fairy tale?

Hey Jersey, well I don't think I changed the meaning that much, for it was precisely my intention to leave it as close to his/her message, i.e. a universal quest (through personal, his/her own). He/she asked for any comments, I wanted to be helpful and could do it only in my way. So I did my best without the slightest pretense to do anything else than presenting a possibility. I'm better with direct work than with technical descriptions... but I'm sorry you were displeased with my way of answering. The very fact I gave it some time and thought proves that I thought the poem was valuable. And yes, there are no answers to these questions and searching is what we are left with... best regards to you Jersey and thanks for bringing the subject up.

[Hawkman]

I feel this poem is articulate in its description of the contemporary search for meaning in the spritual sense. In view of the fact that you are not writing in your native language I have nothing but admiration for the skill you have employed to convey complex ideas in such a lucid manner.

Overall I think this poem works admirably - Well done indeed.

[Dr. Cambridge]

I feel this poem is articulate in its description of the contemporary search for meaning in the spritual sense. In view of the fact that you are not writing in your native language I have nothing but admiration for the skill you have employed to convey complex ideas in such a lucid manner.

Overall I think this poem works admirably - Well done indeed.
Do you know the One who said this? He is Lord of all those who are lords.

Revelation 3:20-21 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. (21) To him that overcomes will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in His throne.

[anzki4]

Pls see some corrections inside your poem above (in green). Here too there are repetitions and too much rhyming to my taste, it would do good your poem to be trimmed, perhaps, but only perhaps sth like:

True Lord?

"Lord will be with you",
always says the priest.
I wish I could believe him,
but nothing inside me confirms.
How can I choose the sure path?
I wish some inner voice led me
to a well of truth.

What does the Lord mean?
Gods are so many! or is it
tale after tale. I marvel
while the horizon is still bare.
But I'm on a search for truth,
and that's what's all about, I guess.

Anzki, I hope you don't mind my fast proposed editing. (an example of).. you can always disregard it, or use it, work with it, goes without saying! Best wishes - Bar

I don`t usually revise my poems, but I will probably do an exception in this case. I don`t use -at least straightly- your poem, even though it is great. I think I work with this on the next week, because I have so many school projects to do at weekend. Anyway thank for you and every one else who shared his/her thoughts.

P.S I am he. :)

[Bar22do]

I don`t usually revise my poems, but I will probably do an exception in this case. I don`t use -at least straightly- your poem, even though it is great. I think I work with this on the next week, because I have so many school projects to do at weekend. Anyway thank for you and every one else who shared his/her thoughts.

P.S I am he. :)

Pls see my comment on Madness plus - as I also said - my rewrite was only a small example how to edit one's own poem and it was necessarily very subjective - refresh your wings and fly! I'd be curious to see your poem edited - again best regards Bar

[lallison]

This reminds me of Hemingway's story "A Clean Well Lighted Place" with its final mantra of the lords prayer. i love poem's about searching, and you seem to have taken on a well trodden modern theme (I will show you fear in a handful of dust). Enjoyed the read.

[tailor STATELY]

Enjoyed your poem.

It brings to my mind powerful memories of my path to faith late (relative to the now) in life.

The following scriptures are from the King James version of the New Testament in the book of James that is a favorite of mine which I believe might be applicable to seekers of faith, or those looking for an affirmation of their own faith (whatever it might be).


James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. Full context of James Chapter 1 here (http://scriptures.lds.org/james/1/27)

I hope that someday you find that affirmation you allude to in your poem by remaining single minded to seeking the truth.

[anzki4]

Enjoyed your poem.

It brings to my mind powerful memories of my path to faith late (relative to the now) in life.

The following scriptures are from the King James version of the New Testament in the book of James that is a favorite of mine which I believe might be applicable to seekers of faith, or those looking for an affirmation of their own faith (whatever it might be).

Full context of James Chapter 1 here (http://scriptures.lds.org/james/1/27)

I hope that someday you find that affirmation you allude to in your poem by remaining single minded to seeking the truth.

Thank you tailor. Now I´m in a hurry, but I read that, when I have more time. Thank you for your comment.

Also thanks to lallison for his/her post.

Also I would like to note, that I start revision tomorrow, or day after tomorrow, since tomorrow is my grandmothers birthday.

[anzki4]

I hereby present the revision.

True Lord?

"Lord will be with you",
everyone keeps saying.
I want to see His light too,
but apparently, it`s too dim.

Could someone tell me,
how to know One, amongst million.
I want to be good, deep in.
But how, if I always search on.

What if I find the Lord.
Does my mind bend
to his will? Can I anymore
believe in the servant`s He sends.

I hope, that one day,
I can see the face of the truth.
That would fill it all,
if indeed, the quest, some day ends.

What do you think?