The Lonely Jester

[hannah_t]

First time I've ever had the oppertunity for this; please be gentle :)

I was bored one day while walking to work and so ended up composing this mostly on the walk to work, with a bit of tweaking on the way home. However, I'm having major metre issues with it; I just can't seem to get it to work. It's just a light hearted read but I would appreciate any advice :)

Also, the last verse is atrocious!

Enjoy!



In a land far, far away,
There lived a happy king,
His jester told him stories, jokes,
And sometimes he would sing.

But one dull day the king saw
His jester looking sad.
The king decided to help him,
To stop him feeling bad.

"Mr Jester, may I ask,
Why’s a frown on your face?"
"Indeed you may" the jester said,
And told his tale with haste.

"I have no friends around me,
No one to love me now,
I’m all alone," he sadly cried,
Giving the king a bow.

"I’m lonely," said the jester,
"I hate to be alone.
There’s no one who understands me,
I feel all on my own."

So the jester went away,
As sad as sad can be.
"I'm going on a quest," he said
"To find someone like me."

He travelled far and high and wide,
He went to distant lands,
But still he didn't seem to find
Someone to understand.

"I’m different," said the jester
"To you and you and you.
For some strange reason I can't find
Someone to love me too."

On his journey, far away,
He met a different king
The jester didn’t tell a joke,
He didn't laugh or sing.

For the king had a jester,
A young girl with a smile
And as the jester cried and cried,
He watched her for a while.

The girl sang the king a song,
Her voice was very soft,
But her eyes were filled with sorrow,
Sobs hidden with a cough.

When the girl’s song was finished
And she bowed to the king,
The jester went to talk to her;
A very lucky thing.

As the jester talked to her,
He found they were the same,
Her happiness was make believe,
She always hid her pain.

"I am lonely" said the girl
"I’ve no one to love me.
I have no friends, not here or now,
I'm all alone you see."

The jester bent on one knee,
"Please marry me" he cried.
"We are the same, both you and I,"
He told his future bride.

The young girl was filled with joy,
And shouted her answer.
"Yes" she said "yes and yes again,"
Then the jester kissed her.

The jesters lived together
Until the end of time.
Never were they ever lonely
Each thought their love divine.

[dizzydoll]

I simply loved this poem, just the way it is. Perfect. :biggrinjester:

[PrinceMyshkin]

Well, it is a bit sing-songy, one can feel you at times reaching for a rhyme and sometimes finding one that's a bit too obvious; but it has its charms and by doing a few more I believe you'll get better.

[RedStone]

It makes you read to the end by the cleaverness of the rhyme and it is a good tale to tell when one is lonely and waiting to find someone the same.

enjoyed.

[hannah_t]

Thank you everyone :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I've never written in rhyme before, so I'm aware that a lot of it is a bit cheesy! A few more drafts and it may finally get there. Thanks for the positive feedback though!

[Il Dante]

Her happiness was make believe,
She always hid her pain.


I really like this line. It's so true that this is too often our situation: we smile, but our happiness is make believe and no one shares our pain.

My only suggestion would be a bit of tweaking of the words to fit the meter in places :):
ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba,
ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM,
ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba,
ba-BUM-ba-BUM-ba-BUM.

[Bar22do]

What a tale! simply disarming! charming and - with happy end to inspire us all! thanks - warm regards - Bar

[lallison]

Cute story, very fairytale like. The beginning was interesting and nicely introduced the characters. It would be interesting to give the jester more adventures during his quest.

[hannah_t]

Thanks again everyone :) Will work on the rhythm as I know that's where it falls down! I like the idea of making it longer as well. Gives me a nice summer holiday project! Thanks again!