Breath

[PrinceMyshkin]

Can you tap out a tune,
barefoot, in a small, contained space?

It’s a talent you were born with,
after all, over which your mother cooed
while your father, from a distance,
beamed.

There was your skin,
your musculature, your several vital organs,
but the organ for joy and empathy
was in your breath.

[Babyguile]

How interesting...

[Virgil]

Fascinating! Excellent! Who says you don't take risks? One of your best Prince.

[Pendragon]

Reminds me of something I have always said about science-- we can explain how a birth takes place but we cannot put the breath of life into an otherwise healthy child who has been born dead... Great poem, mon ami!

[Babyguile]

Reminds me of something I have always said about science-- we can explain how a birth takes place but we cannot put the breath of life into an otherwise healthy child who has been born dead... Great poem, mon ami!

How is it otherwise healthy if it's been born dead?

[PrinceMyshkin]

Virgil & Pen: Thank you both very much.

Virgil: Yes, the criticism of my lack of risk-taking did vex me when I first read it but "risk," I've come to believe, is in the eyes of the beholder. And though it wasn't at all in my mind when I wrote the first two lines, my sweetheart has since pointed out to me that fetuses do indeed dance, in a manner of speaking, whilst in the womb; and what more "small, contained space" can there be than that?

[RedStone]

I kind of like the idea of the poem well the idea i get from it, enjoyed the read.

[paperleaves]

This is great, prince. What wonders you show us through this small, yet powerful poem. The last stanza does it all for me (not to take away from the brilliance of the first two). As your friend, I wish I could offer you at some times constructive feedback, but I am always in awe of how you create such fantastic works that I cannot find anything to give you that constructive criticism on!


love
paper

[PrinceMyshkin]

Redstone & Paperleaves: thank you both.

[lallison]

Nice! I always enjoy reading your work. Very procreative! Looks you've got the whole process down to a science.

[blank|verse]

There's a very subtle tension in this, which sends me back to Blake...

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage
I'm also reminded of several of Scottish poet Don Paterson's (see my current avatar) poems, as one of his children suffered a birth trauma, something about which he has written beautifully and poignantly.

A wonderfully achieved poem, Prince, restrained and empathetic.

[Hawkman]

Hi Prince, finally getting round to catching up with the threads. This is as always economical and elegent in its expression of concept. the overall effect is extremely pleasing. Thanks, H

[PrinceMyshkin]

lallison, Blank|verse, Hawkman: Thank you very much.

[JacobF]

This poem made the start of my day a little better. The transition from the first stanza to the second is excellent. The first stanza evokes scorn with a rather obvious question, then the second stanza strikes me with the role you wanted the reader to assume. The third stanza really makes the poem. It's striking enough to make a powerful impression and subtle enough to linger in the reader's mind.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This poem made the start of my day a little better. The transition from the first stanza to the second is excellent. The first stanza evokes scorn with a rather obvious question, then the second stanza strikes me with the role you wanted the reader to assume. The third stanza really makes the poem. It's striking enough to make a powerful impression and subtle enough to linger in the reader's mind.

Your comments, especially the last one, are very much what I hope for when I post my poems. Thank you.