Disquiet

[paradoxical]

storm clouds over
Lake Palourde,
a blood red moon
hangs in the sky

the western wind
blows strong.
lightning flash,
then distant thunder

I return home and
windows rattle,
the wind shakes
the frame of the house

dogs bark all night long

[Bar22do]

To me, waxing ascending moon reads reassuring... disquiet is the night, quiet who caught sight of the moon... but your poem definitely took from Wuthering Heights, didn't it.
I would suggest to trim the last two lines to: "dogs bark all night long", it seems to me that it would read stronger.
Thanks for sharing this.

[paperleaves]

love it.

[paradoxical]

To me, waxing ascending moon reads reassuring... disquiet is the night, quiet who caught sight of the moon... but your poem definitely took from Wuthering Heights, didn't it.
I would suggest to trim the last two lines to: "dogs bark all night long", it seems to me that it would read stronger.
Thanks for sharing this.

Thanks for the feedback, and good call on the last two lines. I went ahead and shortened it. I've never read Wuthering Heights. Out of curiosity, what is it that they have in common?


love it.

Thank you very much.

[Bar22do]

Thanks for the feedback, and good call on the last two lines. I went ahead and shortened it. I've never read Wuthering Heights. Out of curiosity, what is it that they have in common?



It's storm and wind...

[lallison]

Great poem, thoroughly enjoyed it. I agree that the moon is too peaceful and takes away from the storm clouds image. I'd say slash it and find some words that make your storm stronger. Beautiful imagery.