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unexplained sam
04-01-2010, 10:39 AM
Ok first story post ever. Just wrote it, hope you like it. :cornut:

When I was little my dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a dog. I’m 21 now, and to be honest, I wouldn’t mind being a dog. I know this is a ridiculous thing to suggest, but right now, it’s the only thought that keeps me on my feet.
Making friends for me is difficult, it’s like trying to pick a splinter out of a finger, but I don’t mind a challenge. But every time I close my eyes, I’m at my weakest; there is no challenge to even consider. Because every time I shut my eyelids, it goes dark, and there is nothing, but I sometimes think that if I closed my eyes long enough without falling asleep, maybe I would see him. Maybe I would see those hazel eyes staring at mine. Maybe, just for an instant, I would feel him around me. I don’t like to think of what happened, but I can’t help myself. I told him not to go too far, I told him that we should call the police first. But all he cared about was that man. He grabbed that man from the bridge, and he hurled him over to the safe side. I saw him smile at me with a whimsical expression, as if to say “Piece of cake” Then I saw him slip, and fall. It was as if time was going slower when he was falling, and I was growing older. All I could hear was the cars, and loud noises, and then the screeching, the sound of a cat scratching down a wall, or the chalk scratching down a board. I run to the edge of the bridge, but it feels like I’m walking. I don’t look over though I stare blankly at a stop sign. The man gabs me and covers my eyes, with his hands. I don’t resist though, I just fall into his arms.
I open my eyelids, my vision is blurry, so I grab my glasses from my side table, I drag the quilts of my body, and get up slowly out of my bed. I walk slowly out of my bedroom, and switch the kitchen light on. I tilt my head up at the wall to see what time it is. 12:44am. I walk more casually to the front door, and turn the handle. I open the door, and see hazel eyes.

Rores28
04-01-2010, 11:25 AM
I liked it. I think this has the potential to be integrated into a larger story though. It didn’t feel like a short story so much to me as a snippet of a longer work.

I know its sometimes considered uncouth but could you interpret it for me, even if just in private message so as not to influence others readings of it. I have my own interpretation of it but if you tell me exactly what you are trying to get across I may be able to offer more advice.