Points From the Past

[Konstantine914]

Once again you prick your skin
With points from the past.
Your mind is set on fixation
A notation of grotesque ambition.
Contributions to dealers
Set forth on handing you death.
Given the chance, you pounce with fury
To obtain but just a small amount
That eats your pocket and your body
Till there is nothing left but pasty white flesh.
Consumed in a matter of minutes...
The whole process seems too easy.
A mind that thinks of no other
But his first love, his Lady of Darkness
A hellion that captured your heart
That forbids you to feel
Except your adrenaline pumped veins
As poison parades throughout you
Eating up your dignity...
Your humanity...
Your love for me...
My sympathy...

[lallison]

This seems to me like an interesting description of someone who is a drug addict. Frightening topic, reminds me a bit of the Velvet Underground song "Heroin." I think one of the things that makes "Heroin" such a potent song is the first person point of view effect that humanizes the addict and elicits sympathy. This poem works in the opposite direction. I liked the winding riddle of the description as if the addiction was something of a thinly veiled secret. Catchy title too.

[Revolte]

I have to be honest, I think this may have helped me get through some of my depression. Lovely poem, and I thank you for writing it.

[Konstantine914]

well, thank you guys so much. and im truly touched that something i wrote helped another person.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I went in search of other things you'd posted after reading your most recent post, and this one has a similar strong command of the medium, an honesty, a refusal to posture. That final line really ails it down.

[Bar22do]

Once again you prick your skin
With points from the past.
Your mind is set on fixation
A notation of grotesque ambition.
Contributions to dealers
Set forth on handing you death.
Given the chance, you pounce with fury
To obtain but just a small amount
That eats your pocket and your body
Till there is nothing left but pasty white flesh.
Consumed in a matter of minutes...
The whole process seems too easy.
A mind that thinks on no other
But his first love, his Lady of Darkness
A hellion that captured your heart
That forbids you to feel
Except your adrenaline pumped veins
As poison parades throughout you
Eating up your dignity...
Your humanity...
Your love for me...
My sympathy...

Konstantine, this poem is really well written, it's tough beyond description - its message very very powerful.

Personally, I think your poem doesn't need:

"the whole process seems too easy", "

ridding it of this line tightens it and makes it stronger.
Otherwise, skillful good job, IMO.

Thanks for sharing this and very best rgds to you - Bar

[dizzydoll]

Excellent job and of course it gives a voice to the troubles that face todays society.