My Pretty

[Konstantine914]

Be gone dark feelings
Pain and sorrow need leave
And maybe my heart will start to beat again

I'm lost in shadows
Empty holes with no end
And I'm trying to claw my way up

But I'm tired now
And you, watching you lie there and do nothing at all
To me it seems like you aught to let go

And maybe that will help you live
No struggle for you
Just nothingness

And you look at me confused
Wonder why we arent the same
As you watch me struggle to keep from falling

Faster than you...
Harder than you...

And in the end youre still gone
And I'm still falling
And no one is there to help, no one to even watch

I thought I lost my closet friend
And thought for sure life would come to an end
And no one would understand the pain, the emptiness

My heart does strain.

[ShadowsCool]

Youre should be You're. I'd get rid of two of the "And's" in the last few stanza's. I'd clean up some long winded sentences. And then your voice will shine through. Nice job!

[Delta40]

I thought I lost my closet friend or closest friend?

I agree with Shadows. There is no need for the And in your stanzas. You can edit them to statements. For example

But I'm tired now
And you, watching you lie there and do nothing at all

can just as effectively be:

But I'm tired now
watching you lie there,
doing nothing at all