TSawyer84
03-24-2010, 06:25 PM
Crazy things have happened lately, and I have not been writing much at all. For the past month or so I have engrossed myself in playing guitar. There were several times in which I stayed up well past 4 in the morning, unable to put the thing down.
When I haven't been playing guitar, I have been applying for jobs through the internet. I set up an Excel spreadsheet of all the jobs I've applied to. I applied for 26 quality jobs within my field during the month of February alone, and I have not yet received a call from one of them.
I was able to go on unemployment, for which I have 3 extensions. And, I just got a tax return that was over $1,100.
I have mentioned in this blog before that I had a girlfriend. I'll call her Jane. I recently broke up with Jane in January. It was actually 2 years to the day that we first met. She was the love of my life at the time, and there were many romantic thrills. It's changed me completely, and I knew that my relationship with her was going to be the last thing to go in my life during this time period.
For a few weeks after breaking up I would go to bars in the city downtown by myself. I would go to a late night steakhouse that had a patio bar on a lake in the middle of the city. I'd have a strong drink and somehow be hit with the motivation to walk 5 blocks to a hot dog stand to get an Italian sausage loaded with grilled onions and sauerkraut.
One cold Friday night I went out alone with $17 in my wallet. I took the toll road to the city and parked my car in a dark, secluded spot in front of a dilapidated apartment building that used to be a hotel in the 1920's. One time when I was hanging out with Alex, the Galaxy Guy, he told me about that parking spot. He used to live in those apartments with some Ukrainian girlfriend of his years back.
"People always think there's no free parking downtown. Of course there is. You just have to know where it is!" he said.
There is a catch to the free parking spot. There's no streetlights around it. Instead, there is a huge tree in front of the apartment building with dozens of arms that dangle moss over the red brick road. Across the street from the apartment building there is a large tower which is actually an old folks home. When I parked my car and got out, I looked up at tower to see if any of the old folks were still awake. There were a few windows that emanated that golden glow of home. As my eyes fell down to the ground floor I could see inside the lobby. There was a single lamp on that shined enough light for me to see an old couch with wooden legs. On the wall above it I could see an oval shaped painting of the Virgin Mary with her hands open and head slightly tilted.
Then I was startled by the sound of footsteps crushing dead leaves on the sidewalk behind me. I turned around to see a homeless old man walking towards me with a thick overcoat and floppy hat.
"Hey fella you got a light?" he grunted.
I reached into the pocket of my blazer for a book of matches and sparked one for the cigarette hanging off his lips. The flame lit up his weathered face and I unmistakeably noticed that he had a glass eye. He grinned at me like a blind dog and said, "Thanks kid. That's a nice jacket you got there. Are you a lawyer or something?"
"No I don't have a job," I said.
"Me either," he said and laughed loudly as he trotted down the sidewalk into the darkness.
I looked back at the Virgin Mary for a moment and began my trek around the block, towards the late night restaurant with the lakeside patio I've been frequenting these days. The commotion of the nightlife slowly grew louder as I got closer.
I crossed the street headed down a sidewalk shrouded with another tree with hanging moss. As I walked up a path of decorative torches, I heard smooth electronic lounge music coming from the bar. The girl serving drinks had a full sleeve tattoo on her right arm. I ordered a Jack Daniels and ginger ale. A middle aged woman stepped out of the restaurant for a cigarette. She looked like she was rich and her voice sounded exactly like the mother on <span style="font-style: italic;">Arrested Development</span>. She pulled out a long cigarette and dug around in her purse for a lighter.
Before her glasses could slip off of her face, I said, "Hey, do you need a light?" and pulled out my book of matches. I struck one and lit it for her. She thanked me and asked me if I was a student. I told her no, and that I graduated over 2 years ago. She asked me where I worked and I told her I got fired. She asked me from where and I told her where. She told me that she was in real estate and pointed out the empty space on a Friday night to emphasize how ****ty the economy is. As if I don't know.
"We just came from the Phantom of the Opera at the theater. Marvelous production!"
She reached over to a heat lamp next to the bar and turned it on. An amber flame appeared and warmed my face. She took a long drag from her cigarette and said, "What field are you looking for work in?"
I said, "Anything really. Right now I'm writing a book, so it would be great to find a publisher."
"Oh really?" She said, "And just what are you writing a book about?"
"The story of my life since I've gotten fired. Some of the content is on a blog, called <span style="font-style: italic;">Diary of a Corporate Burnout</span>," I said.
She's like, "Oh my god! I can only imagine just how many people out there have written that same story!"
She batted her wrinkly eyes and smiled a yellow smile. "Well enjoy your drink!" she said, and slipped inside to a nearby table to rejoin a young woman, probably in her late 20's and a dark haired man in his 30's who looked like her husband. I saw the older woman whisper something to the young woman. The young woman looked up at me for a second and then giggled. The two shared the same Cheshire grin.
I gulped down the rest of my drink and paid the bartender. Now was the time to get a snack. Although I hated to leave the beloved heat lamp, a hot dog struck my fancy. I made my way down Washington Avenue, and passed a bunch of night clubs. It was about 50 degrees out. I looked at all the people in line to get into the club. It was a hip-hop nightspot with the latest T-Pain song blaring from the inside.
There were groups of girls, 3 at a time usually, and they would stand there with skintight skirts on, out in the cold night. They stood with their arms crossed to keep warm. Their mascara was on, their hair was straightened. Their bodies all looked great, and as I watched them walking by I pictured them all working out at the gym together earlier in the day. I could smell a cloud of perfume through the cigarette smoke. One thing that I didn't see, was a smile on any of their faces. They looked like they were on a mission to dance and drink.
Then I saw the men, who all looked different. Some big, some small, some tall, some short. Thugs, gangsters, promoters, rockers, players, guidos, and nerds. What they all had in common was that they all were trying to stand out in their own way. Some had an evident prowess. An intimidating presence that dominated its surroundings. Others were followers. Some were outcasts. Many were freaks.
Ah, the nightlife.
I was on the scene now, with cars and crowds galore. An SUV with sparkling rims and blacked out windows rolled along the street with rap music thumping through a sound system. The windows were slightly cracked and the stench of cigar smoke and car exhaust caught my nose as it drove by.
And then I saw the hot dog stand. The guy who was working it was wearing a baseball cap and a windbreaker. He had a mustache and a mole beneath his right eye.
"Hot dog or sausage, my friend?" He said in a foreign accent.
"I'll have a sausage with everything on it," I said.
"You got it. Are you looking for ladies tonight?"
"No, just trying to get a snack."
"Good my friend. Cuz they all craaaaazzy. Craaaaaaaaazzzzzy..."
He shook his head as he topped the sausage with saurkraut, grilled onions and ketchup. My mouth watered.
"Black, white, mexican, christian, chinese, whateva, man. Crazy. There you go sir, $3."
I gave him 3 bucks, and took the food. The first bite sent my taste buds into overdrive. Nothing could beat an Italian sausage from a street vendor. Halfway through the thing, I've got ketchup on my face and look up across the street.
There is a small group of people, I think 5. There is 2 girls and 3 guys. I look at the one girl and think, "Oh, that looks a lot like Jane's friend, Sarah." Then I look closer. Jane!
She was wearing boots, a navy blue coat, and a low cut top. Yikes! I ducked behind the hot dog stand. She was headed into the club with two guys. One guy was Sarah's womanizer boyfriend who Jane would constantly talk about around me, and I had no clue who the others were. They were entering a bar across the street, and that's all I saw.
Was it her though? It was. That was definitely Sarah, and her boyfriend was unmistakable with his long greasy hair. And that was Jane, with her coat on, and a low cut top underneath. Oh no!
I felt wetness dripping on my hand and looked at the sausage. A huge chunk of sauerkraut fell to the ground and almost landed on my shoe. I looked up and Jane was nowhere to be found. I took one last bite of my snack and tossed the tin foil in the trash. I grabbed a napkin and wiped my mouth and my hands.
I couldn't believe I saw her. Should I go into that bar? No. Go home.
I walked down the avenue past a nightclub and saw a girl in a skintight dress talking real close to some bad boy-looking guy who was leaned back against the cement wall wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette right in front of her face. She was talking emotionally with her hands, and he appeared to nod as if feigning interest.
I passed the blaring nonsense and made my way to a quieter part of the city. I could faintly hear the sound of a saxophone coming from beyond the midnight pizza restaurant. I look ahead and see a homeless black guy standing there, playing the saxophone. He was playing a melody. It was a jazz song, and I immediately recognized it.
"...I will hold you close, make you stay...because love is the saddest thing, when it goes away..."
I paused for moment. I pulled out a dollar from my pocket and dropped it in the man's saxophone case. He nodded to me with tired sad eyes as he played the song.
I looked back down the block at the crowd of people. Look at all these people. Can they see me? Can Jane see me?
I was all alone in the dirty city, with whiskey on my breath and ketchup smeared on my chin. Jane was out and about, with some friends. I was going out to get away from her and there she is in the city instead. It was a Friday night, and she used to spend every Friday with me. Now look at what we're doing. Are we happier? Am I happier?
My car was about 3 blocks away, and I had some walking to do. Down the dark avenue where the streetlights become fewer and further in between.
When I got home it was around 1:30. I logged onto facebook and saw that I had a new friend request - Andrea Mitchell. And she wrote a message, too:
"Hey there :) Do you remember me?"
Hmmm. I do remember you. I look at the pictures. Cute. But what's this? A boyfriend? Oh wow.
To be continued...
Excerpt from Diary of a Corporate Burnout (http://diaryofacorporateburnout.blogspot.com/)
When I haven't been playing guitar, I have been applying for jobs through the internet. I set up an Excel spreadsheet of all the jobs I've applied to. I applied for 26 quality jobs within my field during the month of February alone, and I have not yet received a call from one of them.
I was able to go on unemployment, for which I have 3 extensions. And, I just got a tax return that was over $1,100.
I have mentioned in this blog before that I had a girlfriend. I'll call her Jane. I recently broke up with Jane in January. It was actually 2 years to the day that we first met. She was the love of my life at the time, and there were many romantic thrills. It's changed me completely, and I knew that my relationship with her was going to be the last thing to go in my life during this time period.
For a few weeks after breaking up I would go to bars in the city downtown by myself. I would go to a late night steakhouse that had a patio bar on a lake in the middle of the city. I'd have a strong drink and somehow be hit with the motivation to walk 5 blocks to a hot dog stand to get an Italian sausage loaded with grilled onions and sauerkraut.
One cold Friday night I went out alone with $17 in my wallet. I took the toll road to the city and parked my car in a dark, secluded spot in front of a dilapidated apartment building that used to be a hotel in the 1920's. One time when I was hanging out with Alex, the Galaxy Guy, he told me about that parking spot. He used to live in those apartments with some Ukrainian girlfriend of his years back.
"People always think there's no free parking downtown. Of course there is. You just have to know where it is!" he said.
There is a catch to the free parking spot. There's no streetlights around it. Instead, there is a huge tree in front of the apartment building with dozens of arms that dangle moss over the red brick road. Across the street from the apartment building there is a large tower which is actually an old folks home. When I parked my car and got out, I looked up at tower to see if any of the old folks were still awake. There were a few windows that emanated that golden glow of home. As my eyes fell down to the ground floor I could see inside the lobby. There was a single lamp on that shined enough light for me to see an old couch with wooden legs. On the wall above it I could see an oval shaped painting of the Virgin Mary with her hands open and head slightly tilted.
Then I was startled by the sound of footsteps crushing dead leaves on the sidewalk behind me. I turned around to see a homeless old man walking towards me with a thick overcoat and floppy hat.
"Hey fella you got a light?" he grunted.
I reached into the pocket of my blazer for a book of matches and sparked one for the cigarette hanging off his lips. The flame lit up his weathered face and I unmistakeably noticed that he had a glass eye. He grinned at me like a blind dog and said, "Thanks kid. That's a nice jacket you got there. Are you a lawyer or something?"
"No I don't have a job," I said.
"Me either," he said and laughed loudly as he trotted down the sidewalk into the darkness.
I looked back at the Virgin Mary for a moment and began my trek around the block, towards the late night restaurant with the lakeside patio I've been frequenting these days. The commotion of the nightlife slowly grew louder as I got closer.
I crossed the street headed down a sidewalk shrouded with another tree with hanging moss. As I walked up a path of decorative torches, I heard smooth electronic lounge music coming from the bar. The girl serving drinks had a full sleeve tattoo on her right arm. I ordered a Jack Daniels and ginger ale. A middle aged woman stepped out of the restaurant for a cigarette. She looked like she was rich and her voice sounded exactly like the mother on <span style="font-style: italic;">Arrested Development</span>. She pulled out a long cigarette and dug around in her purse for a lighter.
Before her glasses could slip off of her face, I said, "Hey, do you need a light?" and pulled out my book of matches. I struck one and lit it for her. She thanked me and asked me if I was a student. I told her no, and that I graduated over 2 years ago. She asked me where I worked and I told her I got fired. She asked me from where and I told her where. She told me that she was in real estate and pointed out the empty space on a Friday night to emphasize how ****ty the economy is. As if I don't know.
"We just came from the Phantom of the Opera at the theater. Marvelous production!"
She reached over to a heat lamp next to the bar and turned it on. An amber flame appeared and warmed my face. She took a long drag from her cigarette and said, "What field are you looking for work in?"
I said, "Anything really. Right now I'm writing a book, so it would be great to find a publisher."
"Oh really?" She said, "And just what are you writing a book about?"
"The story of my life since I've gotten fired. Some of the content is on a blog, called <span style="font-style: italic;">Diary of a Corporate Burnout</span>," I said.
She's like, "Oh my god! I can only imagine just how many people out there have written that same story!"
She batted her wrinkly eyes and smiled a yellow smile. "Well enjoy your drink!" she said, and slipped inside to a nearby table to rejoin a young woman, probably in her late 20's and a dark haired man in his 30's who looked like her husband. I saw the older woman whisper something to the young woman. The young woman looked up at me for a second and then giggled. The two shared the same Cheshire grin.
I gulped down the rest of my drink and paid the bartender. Now was the time to get a snack. Although I hated to leave the beloved heat lamp, a hot dog struck my fancy. I made my way down Washington Avenue, and passed a bunch of night clubs. It was about 50 degrees out. I looked at all the people in line to get into the club. It was a hip-hop nightspot with the latest T-Pain song blaring from the inside.
There were groups of girls, 3 at a time usually, and they would stand there with skintight skirts on, out in the cold night. They stood with their arms crossed to keep warm. Their mascara was on, their hair was straightened. Their bodies all looked great, and as I watched them walking by I pictured them all working out at the gym together earlier in the day. I could smell a cloud of perfume through the cigarette smoke. One thing that I didn't see, was a smile on any of their faces. They looked like they were on a mission to dance and drink.
Then I saw the men, who all looked different. Some big, some small, some tall, some short. Thugs, gangsters, promoters, rockers, players, guidos, and nerds. What they all had in common was that they all were trying to stand out in their own way. Some had an evident prowess. An intimidating presence that dominated its surroundings. Others were followers. Some were outcasts. Many were freaks.
Ah, the nightlife.
I was on the scene now, with cars and crowds galore. An SUV with sparkling rims and blacked out windows rolled along the street with rap music thumping through a sound system. The windows were slightly cracked and the stench of cigar smoke and car exhaust caught my nose as it drove by.
And then I saw the hot dog stand. The guy who was working it was wearing a baseball cap and a windbreaker. He had a mustache and a mole beneath his right eye.
"Hot dog or sausage, my friend?" He said in a foreign accent.
"I'll have a sausage with everything on it," I said.
"You got it. Are you looking for ladies tonight?"
"No, just trying to get a snack."
"Good my friend. Cuz they all craaaaazzy. Craaaaaaaaazzzzzy..."
He shook his head as he topped the sausage with saurkraut, grilled onions and ketchup. My mouth watered.
"Black, white, mexican, christian, chinese, whateva, man. Crazy. There you go sir, $3."
I gave him 3 bucks, and took the food. The first bite sent my taste buds into overdrive. Nothing could beat an Italian sausage from a street vendor. Halfway through the thing, I've got ketchup on my face and look up across the street.
There is a small group of people, I think 5. There is 2 girls and 3 guys. I look at the one girl and think, "Oh, that looks a lot like Jane's friend, Sarah." Then I look closer. Jane!
She was wearing boots, a navy blue coat, and a low cut top. Yikes! I ducked behind the hot dog stand. She was headed into the club with two guys. One guy was Sarah's womanizer boyfriend who Jane would constantly talk about around me, and I had no clue who the others were. They were entering a bar across the street, and that's all I saw.
Was it her though? It was. That was definitely Sarah, and her boyfriend was unmistakable with his long greasy hair. And that was Jane, with her coat on, and a low cut top underneath. Oh no!
I felt wetness dripping on my hand and looked at the sausage. A huge chunk of sauerkraut fell to the ground and almost landed on my shoe. I looked up and Jane was nowhere to be found. I took one last bite of my snack and tossed the tin foil in the trash. I grabbed a napkin and wiped my mouth and my hands.
I couldn't believe I saw her. Should I go into that bar? No. Go home.
I walked down the avenue past a nightclub and saw a girl in a skintight dress talking real close to some bad boy-looking guy who was leaned back against the cement wall wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette right in front of her face. She was talking emotionally with her hands, and he appeared to nod as if feigning interest.
I passed the blaring nonsense and made my way to a quieter part of the city. I could faintly hear the sound of a saxophone coming from beyond the midnight pizza restaurant. I look ahead and see a homeless black guy standing there, playing the saxophone. He was playing a melody. It was a jazz song, and I immediately recognized it.
"...I will hold you close, make you stay...because love is the saddest thing, when it goes away..."
I paused for moment. I pulled out a dollar from my pocket and dropped it in the man's saxophone case. He nodded to me with tired sad eyes as he played the song.
I looked back down the block at the crowd of people. Look at all these people. Can they see me? Can Jane see me?
I was all alone in the dirty city, with whiskey on my breath and ketchup smeared on my chin. Jane was out and about, with some friends. I was going out to get away from her and there she is in the city instead. It was a Friday night, and she used to spend every Friday with me. Now look at what we're doing. Are we happier? Am I happier?
My car was about 3 blocks away, and I had some walking to do. Down the dark avenue where the streetlights become fewer and further in between.
When I got home it was around 1:30. I logged onto facebook and saw that I had a new friend request - Andrea Mitchell. And she wrote a message, too:
"Hey there :) Do you remember me?"
Hmmm. I do remember you. I look at the pictures. Cute. But what's this? A boyfriend? Oh wow.
To be continued...
Excerpt from Diary of a Corporate Burnout (http://diaryofacorporateburnout.blogspot.com/)