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View Full Version : “Lover, Trickster, Rebel, Human”



Mr.K
03-22-2010, 08:24 PM
As the bluebells cast blue spells I felt
the spring in my step, fall in my eyes.
I had squandered the cards I had been dealt,
tossed my life upon the felt,
been forcibly knelt,
and watched my cool demeanour melt,
I witnessed joyful cries as they picked apart my web of lies.

All things great, aid me in this hour!
I have erred but can repair! I have dared to love and share!
Yet now I must linger here, stranded in another’s power-
Please, forgive me the flare, –
Here: I’ll remove my sneer,
and my angry glare,
but you must know, a man like me will never cower!

They say my body will be sold to cover their stressed finance.
Am I to stand upon the block?
For eyes to assess in a flimsy smock?
To prance and dance and capture their glance,
capture the chance to enrapture the clans
and sell my flesh as livestock? I think not!
Ill fight the circumstance I wrought with all that I have got!

I know that I’m a hero and heroes never yield
Though soon reduced to kneeling giants with battered shields
Trying in vain to explain my pain to these men,
burning eyes glower, snicker – the devils’ crewmen.
Here I stand, a desperate man whose fate’s forever sealed,
Lover, Trickster, Rebel, Human
at last I am revealed.

Hawkman
03-23-2010, 09:23 AM
Mr. K

This is both clever and powerful. It reads fluently and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

"Here I stand, a desperate man whose fate’s forever sealed,
Lover, Trickster, Rebel, Human
at last I am revealed."

Great payoff. H

Mr.K
03-26-2010, 10:50 AM
Thank you.

Bump

lallison
08-25-2010, 09:52 AM
Your poem is very strong and has me wondering. I think in a forum such as this, your lines will be appreciated by all, as they should be.

PrinceMyshkin
08-25-2010, 11:28 AM
Although I heartily agree with Hawkman re the closing, I had trouble most of the way through with what felt like the self-conscious, insistent rhyme scheme. Several of the rhymes were forced, which led me to focus more on your effort to rhyme than on the content/thought of the poem.