Desolation

[anzki4]

Desolation

Place full of history.
Empty, forgotten.
It has seen many victories,
many rulers fallen.
Once the place was beautiful.
Once the place had might.
Now the place is full
of dust, iron rusted tight.
If one would wander there,
one could see old signs of life.
But where life is now, where?
Now the place is vile.
No one wanders trough its halls.
No one sees the place.
No one remembers it before the fall.
No one knows its true face.

Trees growing trough the floor.
Jaws of time chewing the place.
Vegetation growing trough windows and doors.
There is no trace
at all, no sign nor map nor one to gaze.
But the place remembers the parties and fun,
it remembers the golden days.
It remembers the day that started this all.
It remembers the people who left away.
But why? It doesn`t get it at all.
Maybe they will return some day.


This was mainly inspire by the pictures here:
http://englishrussia.com/index.php/2010/03/12/if-you-don%E2%80%99t-have-your-own-castle%E2%80%A6/
Great page all in all also.

[anzki4]

Please tell someone what you think about this poem.

[Bar22do]

Hi Anzki,

I have just read your poem and saw the site of the ruined places. Great photos.
I would suggest you drop rhymes, your poem doesn't really need them, I think. Try and flow freely with the subject. It would also do with more concision, perhaps re-work it into something shorter - it might give it more strength. Some lines just do not work for me ("jaws of time chewing the place", "at all, no sign nor map nor one to gaze.")

I myself see much beauty in some of these abandoned places that remind of times gone by. I also think that while it is important indeed to keep alive some of the past, the focus should always be on the future rather than on contemplating what is already desolate... this, in my humble perspective.
And, by the way, I believe we all are glad that some of the rulers are fallen for good!

I am not good at technical critique I'm afraid, hopefully someone else can help you better.

So from me that much and - good luck with revision and thanks for sharing!

Best - Bar

[anzki4]

Thank you for your comment and advices. Perhaps I will re-work it someday, but nowdays I`m quite busy. (read as; I`m lazy :p) Also I work only in "correct mood" which is usually few times a week, and then I`m concentrating for creating new. But anyways, thank you for your thoughts.