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keilj
03-18-2010, 10:05 PM
The lonely man sat by himself in his living room. He sat watching the ski race.

One racer fell. The fall was not bad. The girl skiing was not hurt, only, her race was forfeit. But the next skier was already on the course and having a good run. But because of the fall, the second girl got yellow-flagged and had to stop her run.

By the time the second skier was taken back up the hill, she was tired from her first run, and her concentration was disrupted. The course had also deteriorated since her first run, so her second run was bad for her. She went from a metal hopeful to out of the running.

In the area at the bottom of the hill, where the skiers collect after their runs, she sat and then broke down crying. She was feeling sadness so she expressed herself in tears. Then another competitor, her friend, came and consoled her.

The lonely man, when he saw this, thought, “That is why women are neater. For both things. The crying, and her friend patting her. That is why they are neater,” he thought.

The Comedian
03-18-2010, 10:16 PM
This is a touching vignette.

keilj
03-18-2010, 10:20 PM
This is a touching vignette.

much obliged, my good man

Mariner
03-19-2010, 02:07 AM
I think this piece could use some profanity!

I remember watching that ski-race. It was very unfortunate, but the Olympics really have a way of showing basic, raw human emotions among competitors. Good job capturing that and realizing what you saw. That is what writing's about.

paradoxical
03-19-2010, 11:11 AM
I like this, very nice!

keilj
03-19-2010, 02:27 PM
I think this piece could use some profanity!

I remember watching that ski-race. It was very unfortunate, but the Olympics really have a way of showing basic, raw human emotions among competitors. Good job capturing that and realizing what you saw. That is what writing's about.

ha! - yeah a couple of expletives to give it some punch :p


yeah the Julia Mancuso race - nothing created on my part - I just wrote it down

Mfdoom
03-20-2010, 02:22 PM
I found this interesting. The man's reaction is often something most men do not wish to express. With the whole battle of sex, its cool how he reacts that way considering this is a ski competition. I wonder if the react would of been the same if he was competing.

Pensive
07-03-2010, 06:22 PM
I like it!

Steven Hunley
07-03-2010, 08:51 PM
I like this and have just one question. The word "neater". Are you 100% sure this is the word you want to use? Your story with prove thoughtful, observant and thought provoking if you make the ultimate word choice here. 100%?