Like Water

[lallison]

I want to be like water,
To fit whatever contains me,
And if need be, to freeze and burst through.

I want to be fluid,
To roll about the earth in ethereal undulations,
To seep through the rocks and trickle along the stream beneath.

And mercilessly stewed by the sun,
I want to seethe into mist, diffuse across the sky,
And precipitate, a thousand tiny droplets, into new life.

I want to be like water.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Lovely! As free-flowing as a mountain stream. Thanks.

[Hawkman]

A clear, cooling voice that refreshes - Thanks

[blank|verse]

An enjoyable poem that's nicely expressed, with a touch of Wordsworth to it. I think the free verse form works well here and I like the rhythm and the way the lines expand and are rather serpentine, which is fitting for the subject.

(There have been several books by British poets in the last few years about water; I don't know what the sudden fascination is, maybe something connected with environmental concerns?)

I just think this

To roll about the earth in ethereal undulations,
is a bit of an oxymoron in the context of everything else being so real and tactile. I'm not overly keen on the last line either, and feel the third stanza could be three lines as well, to retain some shape to the poem.

And I suppose there is a down-side to wanting to be water - you always have to go where gravity forces you to go - to take the shortest route down to the sea. Whether you feel it's positive being dictated in this way is maybe something to consider.

[Buh4Bee]

I agree with Blank Verse that the free style form works well here. Free style is not always well received if it is not done well, so you have pulled it off.

The writing is fluid and accessible. Water is a great topic to write about.

[Stain]

Great job. A fine presentation of how it would be to simply change for the better, in every situation. :)

[lallison]

Thanks, I'm very happy with all the comments. I feel like it's a simple poem, but enjoyable, and I'm happy it seems to be perceived that way.

I think the more critical comments are always very helpful. Whether I agree or not, it makes me think critically too. I wrote this poem while I was in the US Peace Corps building a library in a small village on a remote, tropical island in Micronesia, so the idea that it is about flexibility is right on, and I was so happy to hear that. As far as "Ethereal Undulations" are concerned, I imagine it will be received better by those who occasionally find themselves being undulated upon by hot chicks.

It's an easily accessible poem, hope you enjoy.