PDA

View Full Version : March 8th, 2010



Revolte
03-14-2010, 04:30 AM
I rewrote it again, this is the final version. I've spent too much time on it now I gatta move on lol




Abstract walls had sang,
songs of fear and blight
while unconscious as a corpse,
came the day I died

My spirit had tread the land,
of sorrow, loss, and pain
for on the day I died,
came hateful songs I sang

But days had come and gone,
spent sat in silent caves
now a mourning memory,
is all that day remains

PrinceMyshkin
03-14-2010, 04:32 PM
Unfortunately, other than International Women's Day, I don't know what March 8th 2010 is meant to refer to, but as for technique here, I think the "tread/dead" rhyme, being unique in the poem, sticks out like a sore thumb.

Revolte
03-14-2010, 05:21 PM
Unfortunately, other than International Women's Day, I don't know what March 8th 2010 is meant to refer to, but as for technique here, I think the "tread/dead" rhyme, being unique in the poem, sticks out like a sore thumb.

yeah i was thinking that too, I didnt mean anything to ryme so thanks for reassuring that. march 8th was just a really really bad day lol