Deb Hanson
03-14-2010, 02:50 AM
The String
He’d pay for each unanswered ring, every one a stab to my heart. I’d make sure of it. Stinging tears streamed down my red, swollen face as I paced circles around the tree.
“I saw you…!” I wailed into the phone when he finally picked up on what I counted was the fourteenth ring.
The rage had been building all morning and spewed like hot lava shooting from a live volcano. I’d been trying to reach him for hours and had furiously punched in his secret number at least a hundred times, maybe more, and suspected he might’ve changed it out from under me. But I knew why he hadn’t answered. He was with her! I’d seen it with my own eyes!
“What are you talking about?” he replied.
I didn’t buy for one second his patronizing attempt at innocence.
“I don’t care who you are, you won’t humiliate me!” I cried, my anger spit into the receiver. “I saw you…. Did you think I wouldn’t?”
My ears didn’t hear his response as I fell to my knees in the grass. I didn’t hear anything or even care what he had to say, my mind filled only with their taunting laughter. She was probably nuzzled against his bare chest right now, each of them having a good snicker at my expense.
I’d seen them again and again, a tormenting vision of sweaty, writhing bodies humping like animals in heat in a luxury suite halfway across the world. His betrayal was tearing me apart and I’d lost my breakfast once I’d let its full impact soak in. My head throbbed from hours of ceaseless crying and tortuous thoughts that left my stomach sick and churning. I’d spent most of the morning under the covers, agonizing over how he could do this to me and searching for reasons why. But seeing her, I absolutely knew why!
Four inch heels held a model’s legs and tight skirt. She’d flicked blonde, flowing hair from her chest with manicured fingers onto her back. I’d replayed that infuriating move repeatedly in my mind. She had it down pat, like she’d been practicing since the day she’d made head cheerleader. She didn’t look anything like me, making it that much worse.
And here I was alone and left behind at his ranch, helpless and gutted. I’d thought about just packing my bags and taking off, but I’d decided that was not going to happen. I’d stand firm in not allowing him the satisfaction of having me skulk off quietly into some hole, never to be seen or heard from again while he went merrily along with life. I vowed to stay until the end of time if I had to, so he’d be forced to see the pain in my eyes when I told him to go phuck himself. He needed to know how much he’d hurt me, even if it meant being made a fool of and seeing them both show up here together.
He was definitely not the same person I’d fallen in love with, maybe too quickly for my own good. We really hadn’t spent all that much time together for me to know him well, had we? Maybe he really was Michael Jackson, a stubborn and ego-driven celebrity, someone who could fulfill his wildest fantasies on a whim with any girl he fancied. Then why had he chosen to mess with my life? Yet even in my current fit of all-consuming jealousy and anger, it was hard to believe this was the same man I’d met a few months earlier in tiny Los Olivos.
He’d introduced himself at the cozy bookstore where I’d tried to look busy sorting through the stacks. On short notice we’d closed the store for the afternoon, waiting for his arrival so he could browse in peace as his bodyguard watched. There’d been no time for a dress rehearsal of what I’d say when I encountered him, and no chance to fret over what I’d selected to wear that day. I reminded myself to treat him as if he were just another customer, but the rush was undeniable when I looked up and saw his delicate features and heard his melodic voice ask for help locating a book. The distinctive energy he exuded affected me immediately and I realized why so many felt it a thrill to meet him in person. I’d thought it charming a megastar of his caliber, a musical empire unto himself who’d broken every record he’d ever set out to break, would greet me with a, “Hi, I’m Michael,” his hand offered to me to shake as if I didn’t know who he was.
He’d struck up what turned into a lengthy conversation about his favorite classic authors, Dickens, Emerson, and other heroes. On the way out, he’d stopped to invite me for a visit to his private amusement park at the sprawling property he owned just a few miles up the country road, as my envious co-workers wondered what in the world we could be talking about at the back door. We’d all admitted to our ventures past the majestic gates of Neverland Valley Ranch in hopes of catching a glimpse of him coming or going, but we never dreamed we’d actually meet him in person.
My nervous but heady visit the following week would be the first of several that found me unprepared and intimidated to be in the same orbit as he and his friends, some icons in their own right. Even so, Michael and I connected immediately, our love of books and nature fueling what grew to be comfortable conversation between us. Arriving for one visit, I was surprised to find no other guests, and we’d spent several hours alone. I hadn’t dared ask where the others were or question whether our aloneness was by design. I’d just accepted the enjoyment of riding his musical carousel, the wind sweeping through our hair, and the good discussion we’d shared while taking a long hike on the property.
One day he’d phoned the bookstore just after opening, and it would turn out to be the best day of my life, the day he’d told me he loved me. Sounding over the top in his boyish excitement on the other end of the line, he’d pleaded to send a car to get me right away so we could watch as one of his does birthed a fawn. The keeper of his exotic animals had warned him the big event was about to happen any moment. We’d cried together that morning as the baby was born and struggled to find its legs to stand in the hay. I’d spent the entire day with him at his retreat, riding horseback, feeding the animals, and admiring his antiques. We’d both busted up laughing as he’d tried unsuccessfully to teach me his celebrated dance moves while his music blared through the speakers of his home studio.
That night he’d held my hand as we reached the highest point on his Ferris wheel, where it came to a gentle stop. A warm breeze touched our faces as we gazed up at the twinkling stars blanketing the heavens spread out before us like a map, and he showed me Orion. Time stopped as he drew my face to his for a warm kiss, our first, and one I’d always remember. I’d been anxiously waiting to receive it, as I’d realized early on the depth of my love for him and my hope he’d feel the same for me one day.
The love we’d each proclaimed that hot summer night was tenderly embraced on a soft blanket beneath the canopy of this very tree, his special tree where he’d composed his famous songs while perched in its gnarly branches. I would never forget the look of ecstasy on his beautiful face when he’d emptied himself inside me. The memory of our satiating union of body and spirit would see me through the distress of knowing he’d be gone the next day to tour the world, and console me during the next month spent in loneliness without him.
He handed me a tiny silver box that appeared out of nowhere the next morning as we cuddled in each other’s arms under the sheets. Inside were two short, red strings. The first he knotted around my wrist, the other I knotted around his. He told me to touch my string if ever lonely as a reminder of our magical day spent playing and loving in the fantasy wonderland he called home.
His words seemed a slap in the face now, their meaning hollow as I purged them from my heart after witnessing his tasteless behavior flaunted in front of my eyes. The string was history, tearfully ripped from my wrist this morning as one of the maids looked on. It seemed the hired help knew more about this man than I did. And why wouldn’t they? They knew I was just the latest victim of his disloyalty.
I could sense their knowing titters being held back under their breath as I watched in horror the surreal scene play out on the kitchen TV in seeming slow motion. There it was in all its glory, a delicious tabloid tidbit come to life to entertain the world’s celebrity gawkers and destroy my life. Michael, emerging with the waif-like blonde from a Paris hotel, his arm wrapped tightly around her slim waist as the paparazzi flashes lit his waving hand and smiling face. The scrolling ticker read “Michael Jackson arrives in Paris for second leg of world tour with mystery woman” as the clip showed them fleeing into a waiting SUV. I ran to the TV and put my face to the glowing screen. Holding both sides of the box, I waited desperately for a report to explain the repulsing footage as I began to cry. But that’s all there was, a ten-second shot of the happy couple along with the words that would send shooting pains through my heart and make me wretch.
“Don’t lie…I saw you together, Michael!” I yelled, my clawing fingers clutching a clump of grass.
“Saw me with who?” he asked.
“That girl! You know exactly who I’m talking about. Is she there now?”
Michael laughed. No response, just laughter. It was obvious he didn’t even care.
“What’s up with the profanity?” he finally chuckled. “I didn’t know you were like this, Deb.”
“After what you’ve done, you’re concerned about swearing?” I scoffed.
“Who is she? Why did you do this?” I cried. “You’ve ruined everything!”
I looked at my phone after prolonged silence from the other end and realized the connection was lost. I shrieked in utter frustration and banged the cell against the tree trunk over and over. “Damn satellite!” I got on all fours and allowed myself to hyperventilate.
I finally stood and pounded in the digits again, and this time he answered before a single ring got off, probably scared more interruption from me would disturb his new babe.
“Hey, girl,” he said softly.
“I’m not your girl, Michael,” I barked. “Seems you gave that job to someone else!”
He just giggled softly as I began to cry again.
“Where are you?” he finally asked.
“Does it matter where I am?”
“I just want to know if the whole world can hear you screaming at me.”
“I’ll tell you where I am, ***hole. I’m under your phucking tree … you know, the one where you used me and then left.”
“I had to go, Deb. I have commitments to keep. I’m famous, remember?”
Was that sarcasm in his voice? I wanted to kill him!
“I see, so when you told me you were -- and let me quote you on this -- not ready to reveal me to the world -- you were ready to reveal her instead?
Not giving him a chance to answer, I hollered, “Now I know the real reason you didn’t want me to come. You have a different girl waiting for you at every stop!”
And maybe that was the crux of it, his need for more than one woman to alleviate his loneliness being at the height of celebrity, atop the world stage.
“And by the way,” I shouted, “I don’t think I like this tree anymore! I think the ****er will be burnt to the ground soon. You two can screw in the ashes when you get back from jet setting around Paris!”
“That sounds like a threat, Deb,” Michael said seriously. “I don’t like it when people threaten me. You should be more careful about saying things you might regret.”
This time I was the one laughing. “I can do whatever I want here. I have the whole place to myself. I sent everybody home.”
“What?” Michael said, sounding astonished.
“Oh, yeah! I ordered everyone to get lost and shut the whole place down for the week. They don’t need to see you mock me. I think they wanted to get the hell out anyway, after seeing me throw your stuff around.”
“You did what? Who said you could do that?”
“You did, when you screwed that girl.”
“What did you do, Debbie? Do you know how much it’s gonna cost?” He sounded exasperated. “I still have to pay everyone and there’s stuff that needs to get done every day.”
“Who cares? I’m sure you can afford it, Superstar! I spat with unbridled anger. “You should’ve thought about that before hurting me.”
“You rummaged through my things? What stuff did you throw around?”
“Everything! I found all your secret phone numbers and called every one of your stupid friends to track you down since you can’t be bothered to answer my calls.”
“Too occupied with her, right? Now they all know what a jerk you are,” I shouted. “But, hey, they probably knew that already. I’m the only one too stupid to figure it out.”
What was happening to me? A profanity-laced, spiteful tirade was not me. I considered myself a pretty sweet person, but I felt completely out of control.
Michael’s soft laughter in the background spurred another outburst. He seemed to get off on my suffering and it hurt badly.
“And you can tell that obnoxious manager of yours to get screwed. He does a great job of covering your behind. He wouldn’t tell me ****, and I know he knows your every move,” I screeched. “Did he arrange your little hook-up?”
“Hmmm,” was all he said.
“You know, I’m so glad you find my pain amusing, Michael,” sighing heavily.
“I thought you loved me,” I said with quiet resignation and wiping my nose with tissues. “You told me you love me right here under this tree.”
But maybe I loved him more than he loved me. It had all happened so fast, I didn’t have a chance to think about what I was getting myself into. I knew I loved him, even if he wasn’t able to return it.
Yet wasn’t the love we shared real? It felt very real, satisfying and deep. There was nothing phony or shallow in the way he’d stroked my body and my mind that night, no casualness in the revelation of himself. He’d given me his whole being, I was sure of it. As sure as I was that I’d never feel tenderness like that again. But maybe he needed more than one person could give.
“Why would you do this, Michael? Why? Why not just let me live my life? I was okay before I met you and I’ll be okay after I’m gone from here,” I said in all honesty. “All I want is your happiness. If being with her makes you happy, then go for it. Just leave me out of it.”
A long pause.
“Deb, I have just one question for you.”
“Why won’t you answer my questions?” I sighed.
“Please, just one question.”
“What?!”
“How can I be in Paris when I’m right here?”
“Right where?” I asked, irritated.
“Turn around, girl.”
I looked at my phone, dazed. But once it began to dawn on me, I quickly did a one-eighty. After searching the horizon for a moment, I spotted Michael off in the distance, legs crossed, leaning against a tree, phone to his ear. And there were those dark sunglasses I loved so much.
“Do you know how long I’ve been hiding behind this tree?” he laughed. “I thought you’d never stop yelling.” He snapped his cell shut and began to jog toward me across the expansive lawn as I stood in stunned silence and dropped my phone to the grass.
My mouth hung open in shock as relief began to flood my senses and I watched him running to me. I couldn’t believe my eyes, yet I felt so childish and embarrassed. How could he be here? I’d seen the report on TV just a few hours earlier.
We threw our arms around each other and I hugged him for dear life, now crying happy tears he was here with me. He tossed his shades and gave me a deep kiss that made my toes curl.
“I’ve been waiting a whole month to do that,” he said. The sight of this face didn’t seem real as I tried to orient myself to this new turn of events. How I’d missed seeing those pretty eyes and being able to feel his hair with my fingers and lips with my mouth. Inhaling his scent caused a sensory overload and a flashback to our night spent together.
“Even though I look like this and treated you so badly?” I asked, still sniffling. The realization of my outrageous behavior began to hit me. I needed to slay this green-eyed monster lurking inside.
“Even though,” he said. “But we will have to talk about your temper and jealousy. Wow, it’s really outrageous. I didn’t realize you’re like this. You don’t have very much faith in me, do you?”
“Yeah, I guess I was pretty scary.”
“Remember I told you this would happen?” he asked. “You can’t believe everything you see and read. Being with me is not easy, and it won’t work if you take everything to heart.”
“I understand, Michael, I really do. I guess I got really scared and irrational,” I sighed. “But why did you come back?”
“I had to make sure the gas cans were on lockdown so my tree wouldn’t get torched,” he said, and we both laughed.
“How could you stand behind that tree and be so cruel, just sit there and let me cry and yell?”
“I wanted to see what I’ll be up against for the rest of my life,” he said, “and it isn’t pretty. But I finally decided I shouldn’t let it go on any longer.”
“I don’t think I like this side of you, Deb. Swearing at me, throwing things, invading my privacy. And there’s some people you have to apologize to.”
I could sense his genuine disappointment in me. I hoped he and his friends would forgive my transgression.
“I had to laugh when you said you sent everyone home. Believe me, they don’t leave unless I tell them to leave,” he said. “I got a call on my way here letting me know you were going berserk.”
“Just don’t ever leave me and you’ll never see it again,” I said. “I can’t stand the thought of you being close to other girls and just really freaked out. I’m so sorry, Michael. I see the way they look at you. They all want you!”
“Yeah, but they don’t have a string,” he said.
“Oh…the string…”
Michael looked down and reached for my wrist. “Where’s your string?”
“It had a little accident,” I said sheepishly.
“Well, can it be fixed?” he said, disappointed.
“I think so. Even in my anger, I couldn’t destroy it. But I did almost flush it down the toilet.”
“Didn’t you notice I wasn’t wearing my string? It must’ve been old footage.”
“No! All I saw was a girl trying to steal my man. I would have thought you had taken your string off to be with her or that you had lots of different strings anyway.”
“Only one string, Deb. Your string. Get your things, you’re coming with me.”
“Really?”
“That’s why I came back, girl. I thought about you the whole time I was away. I came all the way across the ocean to get you. Now, come on, let’s go repair your string and get you packed. The plane leaves in a few hours to make it back in time for the next show.”
“I love you, Michael!” and I gave him another big hug.
“Let’s hurry,” he said, taking my hand and walking us inside the big house. “If there’s any time left before we go, we can spend it doing what I really came back for.”
I stopped him. “Michael, one thing.”
“Yes?”
I looked into his twinkling eyes and said, “I would never hurt your beautiful tree…”
He’d pay for each unanswered ring, every one a stab to my heart. I’d make sure of it. Stinging tears streamed down my red, swollen face as I paced circles around the tree.
“I saw you…!” I wailed into the phone when he finally picked up on what I counted was the fourteenth ring.
The rage had been building all morning and spewed like hot lava shooting from a live volcano. I’d been trying to reach him for hours and had furiously punched in his secret number at least a hundred times, maybe more, and suspected he might’ve changed it out from under me. But I knew why he hadn’t answered. He was with her! I’d seen it with my own eyes!
“What are you talking about?” he replied.
I didn’t buy for one second his patronizing attempt at innocence.
“I don’t care who you are, you won’t humiliate me!” I cried, my anger spit into the receiver. “I saw you…. Did you think I wouldn’t?”
My ears didn’t hear his response as I fell to my knees in the grass. I didn’t hear anything or even care what he had to say, my mind filled only with their taunting laughter. She was probably nuzzled against his bare chest right now, each of them having a good snicker at my expense.
I’d seen them again and again, a tormenting vision of sweaty, writhing bodies humping like animals in heat in a luxury suite halfway across the world. His betrayal was tearing me apart and I’d lost my breakfast once I’d let its full impact soak in. My head throbbed from hours of ceaseless crying and tortuous thoughts that left my stomach sick and churning. I’d spent most of the morning under the covers, agonizing over how he could do this to me and searching for reasons why. But seeing her, I absolutely knew why!
Four inch heels held a model’s legs and tight skirt. She’d flicked blonde, flowing hair from her chest with manicured fingers onto her back. I’d replayed that infuriating move repeatedly in my mind. She had it down pat, like she’d been practicing since the day she’d made head cheerleader. She didn’t look anything like me, making it that much worse.
And here I was alone and left behind at his ranch, helpless and gutted. I’d thought about just packing my bags and taking off, but I’d decided that was not going to happen. I’d stand firm in not allowing him the satisfaction of having me skulk off quietly into some hole, never to be seen or heard from again while he went merrily along with life. I vowed to stay until the end of time if I had to, so he’d be forced to see the pain in my eyes when I told him to go phuck himself. He needed to know how much he’d hurt me, even if it meant being made a fool of and seeing them both show up here together.
He was definitely not the same person I’d fallen in love with, maybe too quickly for my own good. We really hadn’t spent all that much time together for me to know him well, had we? Maybe he really was Michael Jackson, a stubborn and ego-driven celebrity, someone who could fulfill his wildest fantasies on a whim with any girl he fancied. Then why had he chosen to mess with my life? Yet even in my current fit of all-consuming jealousy and anger, it was hard to believe this was the same man I’d met a few months earlier in tiny Los Olivos.
He’d introduced himself at the cozy bookstore where I’d tried to look busy sorting through the stacks. On short notice we’d closed the store for the afternoon, waiting for his arrival so he could browse in peace as his bodyguard watched. There’d been no time for a dress rehearsal of what I’d say when I encountered him, and no chance to fret over what I’d selected to wear that day. I reminded myself to treat him as if he were just another customer, but the rush was undeniable when I looked up and saw his delicate features and heard his melodic voice ask for help locating a book. The distinctive energy he exuded affected me immediately and I realized why so many felt it a thrill to meet him in person. I’d thought it charming a megastar of his caliber, a musical empire unto himself who’d broken every record he’d ever set out to break, would greet me with a, “Hi, I’m Michael,” his hand offered to me to shake as if I didn’t know who he was.
He’d struck up what turned into a lengthy conversation about his favorite classic authors, Dickens, Emerson, and other heroes. On the way out, he’d stopped to invite me for a visit to his private amusement park at the sprawling property he owned just a few miles up the country road, as my envious co-workers wondered what in the world we could be talking about at the back door. We’d all admitted to our ventures past the majestic gates of Neverland Valley Ranch in hopes of catching a glimpse of him coming or going, but we never dreamed we’d actually meet him in person.
My nervous but heady visit the following week would be the first of several that found me unprepared and intimidated to be in the same orbit as he and his friends, some icons in their own right. Even so, Michael and I connected immediately, our love of books and nature fueling what grew to be comfortable conversation between us. Arriving for one visit, I was surprised to find no other guests, and we’d spent several hours alone. I hadn’t dared ask where the others were or question whether our aloneness was by design. I’d just accepted the enjoyment of riding his musical carousel, the wind sweeping through our hair, and the good discussion we’d shared while taking a long hike on the property.
One day he’d phoned the bookstore just after opening, and it would turn out to be the best day of my life, the day he’d told me he loved me. Sounding over the top in his boyish excitement on the other end of the line, he’d pleaded to send a car to get me right away so we could watch as one of his does birthed a fawn. The keeper of his exotic animals had warned him the big event was about to happen any moment. We’d cried together that morning as the baby was born and struggled to find its legs to stand in the hay. I’d spent the entire day with him at his retreat, riding horseback, feeding the animals, and admiring his antiques. We’d both busted up laughing as he’d tried unsuccessfully to teach me his celebrated dance moves while his music blared through the speakers of his home studio.
That night he’d held my hand as we reached the highest point on his Ferris wheel, where it came to a gentle stop. A warm breeze touched our faces as we gazed up at the twinkling stars blanketing the heavens spread out before us like a map, and he showed me Orion. Time stopped as he drew my face to his for a warm kiss, our first, and one I’d always remember. I’d been anxiously waiting to receive it, as I’d realized early on the depth of my love for him and my hope he’d feel the same for me one day.
The love we’d each proclaimed that hot summer night was tenderly embraced on a soft blanket beneath the canopy of this very tree, his special tree where he’d composed his famous songs while perched in its gnarly branches. I would never forget the look of ecstasy on his beautiful face when he’d emptied himself inside me. The memory of our satiating union of body and spirit would see me through the distress of knowing he’d be gone the next day to tour the world, and console me during the next month spent in loneliness without him.
He handed me a tiny silver box that appeared out of nowhere the next morning as we cuddled in each other’s arms under the sheets. Inside were two short, red strings. The first he knotted around my wrist, the other I knotted around his. He told me to touch my string if ever lonely as a reminder of our magical day spent playing and loving in the fantasy wonderland he called home.
His words seemed a slap in the face now, their meaning hollow as I purged them from my heart after witnessing his tasteless behavior flaunted in front of my eyes. The string was history, tearfully ripped from my wrist this morning as one of the maids looked on. It seemed the hired help knew more about this man than I did. And why wouldn’t they? They knew I was just the latest victim of his disloyalty.
I could sense their knowing titters being held back under their breath as I watched in horror the surreal scene play out on the kitchen TV in seeming slow motion. There it was in all its glory, a delicious tabloid tidbit come to life to entertain the world’s celebrity gawkers and destroy my life. Michael, emerging with the waif-like blonde from a Paris hotel, his arm wrapped tightly around her slim waist as the paparazzi flashes lit his waving hand and smiling face. The scrolling ticker read “Michael Jackson arrives in Paris for second leg of world tour with mystery woman” as the clip showed them fleeing into a waiting SUV. I ran to the TV and put my face to the glowing screen. Holding both sides of the box, I waited desperately for a report to explain the repulsing footage as I began to cry. But that’s all there was, a ten-second shot of the happy couple along with the words that would send shooting pains through my heart and make me wretch.
“Don’t lie…I saw you together, Michael!” I yelled, my clawing fingers clutching a clump of grass.
“Saw me with who?” he asked.
“That girl! You know exactly who I’m talking about. Is she there now?”
Michael laughed. No response, just laughter. It was obvious he didn’t even care.
“What’s up with the profanity?” he finally chuckled. “I didn’t know you were like this, Deb.”
“After what you’ve done, you’re concerned about swearing?” I scoffed.
“Who is she? Why did you do this?” I cried. “You’ve ruined everything!”
I looked at my phone after prolonged silence from the other end and realized the connection was lost. I shrieked in utter frustration and banged the cell against the tree trunk over and over. “Damn satellite!” I got on all fours and allowed myself to hyperventilate.
I finally stood and pounded in the digits again, and this time he answered before a single ring got off, probably scared more interruption from me would disturb his new babe.
“Hey, girl,” he said softly.
“I’m not your girl, Michael,” I barked. “Seems you gave that job to someone else!”
He just giggled softly as I began to cry again.
“Where are you?” he finally asked.
“Does it matter where I am?”
“I just want to know if the whole world can hear you screaming at me.”
“I’ll tell you where I am, ***hole. I’m under your phucking tree … you know, the one where you used me and then left.”
“I had to go, Deb. I have commitments to keep. I’m famous, remember?”
Was that sarcasm in his voice? I wanted to kill him!
“I see, so when you told me you were -- and let me quote you on this -- not ready to reveal me to the world -- you were ready to reveal her instead?
Not giving him a chance to answer, I hollered, “Now I know the real reason you didn’t want me to come. You have a different girl waiting for you at every stop!”
And maybe that was the crux of it, his need for more than one woman to alleviate his loneliness being at the height of celebrity, atop the world stage.
“And by the way,” I shouted, “I don’t think I like this tree anymore! I think the ****er will be burnt to the ground soon. You two can screw in the ashes when you get back from jet setting around Paris!”
“That sounds like a threat, Deb,” Michael said seriously. “I don’t like it when people threaten me. You should be more careful about saying things you might regret.”
This time I was the one laughing. “I can do whatever I want here. I have the whole place to myself. I sent everybody home.”
“What?” Michael said, sounding astonished.
“Oh, yeah! I ordered everyone to get lost and shut the whole place down for the week. They don’t need to see you mock me. I think they wanted to get the hell out anyway, after seeing me throw your stuff around.”
“You did what? Who said you could do that?”
“You did, when you screwed that girl.”
“What did you do, Debbie? Do you know how much it’s gonna cost?” He sounded exasperated. “I still have to pay everyone and there’s stuff that needs to get done every day.”
“Who cares? I’m sure you can afford it, Superstar! I spat with unbridled anger. “You should’ve thought about that before hurting me.”
“You rummaged through my things? What stuff did you throw around?”
“Everything! I found all your secret phone numbers and called every one of your stupid friends to track you down since you can’t be bothered to answer my calls.”
“Too occupied with her, right? Now they all know what a jerk you are,” I shouted. “But, hey, they probably knew that already. I’m the only one too stupid to figure it out.”
What was happening to me? A profanity-laced, spiteful tirade was not me. I considered myself a pretty sweet person, but I felt completely out of control.
Michael’s soft laughter in the background spurred another outburst. He seemed to get off on my suffering and it hurt badly.
“And you can tell that obnoxious manager of yours to get screwed. He does a great job of covering your behind. He wouldn’t tell me ****, and I know he knows your every move,” I screeched. “Did he arrange your little hook-up?”
“Hmmm,” was all he said.
“You know, I’m so glad you find my pain amusing, Michael,” sighing heavily.
“I thought you loved me,” I said with quiet resignation and wiping my nose with tissues. “You told me you love me right here under this tree.”
But maybe I loved him more than he loved me. It had all happened so fast, I didn’t have a chance to think about what I was getting myself into. I knew I loved him, even if he wasn’t able to return it.
Yet wasn’t the love we shared real? It felt very real, satisfying and deep. There was nothing phony or shallow in the way he’d stroked my body and my mind that night, no casualness in the revelation of himself. He’d given me his whole being, I was sure of it. As sure as I was that I’d never feel tenderness like that again. But maybe he needed more than one person could give.
“Why would you do this, Michael? Why? Why not just let me live my life? I was okay before I met you and I’ll be okay after I’m gone from here,” I said in all honesty. “All I want is your happiness. If being with her makes you happy, then go for it. Just leave me out of it.”
A long pause.
“Deb, I have just one question for you.”
“Why won’t you answer my questions?” I sighed.
“Please, just one question.”
“What?!”
“How can I be in Paris when I’m right here?”
“Right where?” I asked, irritated.
“Turn around, girl.”
I looked at my phone, dazed. But once it began to dawn on me, I quickly did a one-eighty. After searching the horizon for a moment, I spotted Michael off in the distance, legs crossed, leaning against a tree, phone to his ear. And there were those dark sunglasses I loved so much.
“Do you know how long I’ve been hiding behind this tree?” he laughed. “I thought you’d never stop yelling.” He snapped his cell shut and began to jog toward me across the expansive lawn as I stood in stunned silence and dropped my phone to the grass.
My mouth hung open in shock as relief began to flood my senses and I watched him running to me. I couldn’t believe my eyes, yet I felt so childish and embarrassed. How could he be here? I’d seen the report on TV just a few hours earlier.
We threw our arms around each other and I hugged him for dear life, now crying happy tears he was here with me. He tossed his shades and gave me a deep kiss that made my toes curl.
“I’ve been waiting a whole month to do that,” he said. The sight of this face didn’t seem real as I tried to orient myself to this new turn of events. How I’d missed seeing those pretty eyes and being able to feel his hair with my fingers and lips with my mouth. Inhaling his scent caused a sensory overload and a flashback to our night spent together.
“Even though I look like this and treated you so badly?” I asked, still sniffling. The realization of my outrageous behavior began to hit me. I needed to slay this green-eyed monster lurking inside.
“Even though,” he said. “But we will have to talk about your temper and jealousy. Wow, it’s really outrageous. I didn’t realize you’re like this. You don’t have very much faith in me, do you?”
“Yeah, I guess I was pretty scary.”
“Remember I told you this would happen?” he asked. “You can’t believe everything you see and read. Being with me is not easy, and it won’t work if you take everything to heart.”
“I understand, Michael, I really do. I guess I got really scared and irrational,” I sighed. “But why did you come back?”
“I had to make sure the gas cans were on lockdown so my tree wouldn’t get torched,” he said, and we both laughed.
“How could you stand behind that tree and be so cruel, just sit there and let me cry and yell?”
“I wanted to see what I’ll be up against for the rest of my life,” he said, “and it isn’t pretty. But I finally decided I shouldn’t let it go on any longer.”
“I don’t think I like this side of you, Deb. Swearing at me, throwing things, invading my privacy. And there’s some people you have to apologize to.”
I could sense his genuine disappointment in me. I hoped he and his friends would forgive my transgression.
“I had to laugh when you said you sent everyone home. Believe me, they don’t leave unless I tell them to leave,” he said. “I got a call on my way here letting me know you were going berserk.”
“Just don’t ever leave me and you’ll never see it again,” I said. “I can’t stand the thought of you being close to other girls and just really freaked out. I’m so sorry, Michael. I see the way they look at you. They all want you!”
“Yeah, but they don’t have a string,” he said.
“Oh…the string…”
Michael looked down and reached for my wrist. “Where’s your string?”
“It had a little accident,” I said sheepishly.
“Well, can it be fixed?” he said, disappointed.
“I think so. Even in my anger, I couldn’t destroy it. But I did almost flush it down the toilet.”
“Didn’t you notice I wasn’t wearing my string? It must’ve been old footage.”
“No! All I saw was a girl trying to steal my man. I would have thought you had taken your string off to be with her or that you had lots of different strings anyway.”
“Only one string, Deb. Your string. Get your things, you’re coming with me.”
“Really?”
“That’s why I came back, girl. I thought about you the whole time I was away. I came all the way across the ocean to get you. Now, come on, let’s go repair your string and get you packed. The plane leaves in a few hours to make it back in time for the next show.”
“I love you, Michael!” and I gave him another big hug.
“Let’s hurry,” he said, taking my hand and walking us inside the big house. “If there’s any time left before we go, we can spend it doing what I really came back for.”
I stopped him. “Michael, one thing.”
“Yes?”
I looked into his twinkling eyes and said, “I would never hurt your beautiful tree…”