Quips on Parenting

[The Comedian]

Parents -- do you have anything charming, frustrating, or amusing about your children? Shall we share (commiserate) them?

Mine: this morning, my oldest daughter (5) asked for a pen and some "paper I'm not using [scrap]". So I gave her some. Then she said: "How do you spell heart?"

"H-E-A-R-T" I say. And she writes it down.

"Why did you want to write that word?" I ask.

"I have a notebook that I write in on the bus, and I want to write this word in it, so I wanted to write it on this paper so that I could remember how to spell it later" she said and then put the paper into her pocket.

"What a great idea" I said. "I'll have to write this little conversation down, so that I'll remember it later", I added.

So there. I did.

[Niamh]

your daughter is the cutest! :D

[applepie]

How cute :lol: I love all the cute things that little kids do.

My latest cute one came from my daughter as well. She's three and is easily the most watchful child I've ever seen. I've called her mockingbird since she started talking because she repeats more things.

Anyway, she was out with me at the grocery store. It's one of her favorite places to go, and she was happily chatting away as we go down the coffee aisle. I made a mention of needing to get some coffee, and my little darling just had to pipe up with

"Mommy you need coffee or you will die".

"No, mommy isn't going to die without coffee"

"Yes you will Mommy. You said so"

I assure her one more time that I'll not die without coffee, but by this time everyone in the aisle is laughing while she is refusing to believe me. She's not exactly quiet about things, so go figure everyone heard :D

I've another about my son I'll share sometime, but all I can say for now is that 3 is such a cute age, and I'll have plenty of stories from them both to tell :lol:

[Niamh]

I couldnt help but laugh at that Meg! :lol:

[MarkBastable]

Three years ago when Grace was two-and-a-half, she worked out that you get huge approval for complimenting people. She tried this on with her Nan (that's grandma to Yanks and bourgeois English).

"I like your shoes, Nanny."

"Do you, dear? Thank you."

"I like your skirt."

"That's nice. Thank you."

"I like your glasses."

"Thank you."

Pause.

"But I don't like your face."

-----------------------

We were flying from London to New York, and Grace was in the seat next to mine, completely asleep - which, as anyone who has flown the Atlantic with a toddler will know, is the only way to travel.

Suddenly we hit a pocket of serious turbulence - one of those unexpected plunges where the plane seems to drop a couple of hundred feet and your wine ends up in your lap. Very worrying. People shrieked and glanced at each other nervously.

Grace opened her eyes, looked straight at me and said, "I love you, Daddy. Bye-bye." And she went back to sleep.

I ordered more wine, slightly freaked.

--------------

By the time Grace was four, it had become apparent that she had inherited her mother's sense of drama and her father's facility with words.One weekend, when The Beloved was away on a sororial binge somewhere, Grace worked herself up into a state of disconsolate tragedy.

"Nellie won't puh-puh-play wi-hi-hith me!" she hiccupped through sobs and gulps.

"She will later, Gracie. But she's drawing a picture now."

"No! She never puh-puh-plays with me! She hates me!"

"That's silly, Grace. She just wants to do something on her own right now."

"No! No! She hates me!" Gracie insisted. "And you're being mean to me! And mummy's not here!" She threw herself, distraught, onto the couch, wailing and inconsolable. "This fuh-fuh-family's being ripped apart!"

[Paulclem]

My daughter was always good with words, and one birthdy or Christmas, she was there in her fairy costume standing next to my seven year old son. She was three. She was pulling the kind of face that looks most effective in a fairy outfit. My son had upset her and she turned with venom and declared "You're a nasty, stinky little boy!" She then stalked off having said the worst words she knew.

How we laughed, and still do.

[JuniperWoolf]

"This fuh-fuh-family's being ripped apart!"

:lol:

[qimissung]

Your kids all sound absolutely adorable. And hilarious. And precocious. Keep those stories coming!

Once when my youngest son was five we were watching "Sabrina the Teenage Witch." A character on the show was Salem, her talking cat. As the show ended he said, "Mommy, that's a real talking cat." Then he turned his head away from the T.V. just as they showed Salem's more, ahem, mechanical parts. His innocence was preserved for one more day.

(I have teenagers-male teenagers, so my life is more like a Roman Poalnski movie than anything else nowadays :D).

[BienvenuJDC]

As I was unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, picking up toys, organizing the bills....my daughter comes up to me and says, "Daddy, do you want to play house?"

I said, "No!"

[applepie]

:lol: :lol: I had to pop back in here this morning, and it was worth it ;)

OK, so my son... He's nearing seven now, but when he was three I had him out at the grocery store (I'm seeing a theme here :)). Anyway, he is miserable about having to go, and still is. But this particular day, I figured I would give myself a treat for not having strangled him as he complained through the entire trip. In Washington, pretty much all the stores had a Starbucks, so I headed over to get myself a coffee and a chocolate milk for him. I'm standing there waiting, the cart is full of groceries so he was waiting along side me. Next thing I know I'm going to hand him his milk, and he's standing their with the front of his pants down playing with himself.

Horribly embarrassed, and praying nobody had seen I pull his pants back into place telling him that he can't have his pants down in the store. He just smiles and pipes up with the excuse "But I was just tickling it mommy" :blush: I couldn't bring myself to go back to that store for a number of weeks.

[BienvenuJDC]

MK...thanks!
I will add another story after I finish cleaning coffee of my computer monitor
:lol:

[pussnboots]

:lol: :lol: I had to pop back in here this morning, and it was worth it ;)

OK, so my son... He's nearing seven now, but when he was three I had him out at the grocery store (I'm seeing a theme here :)). Anyway, he is miserable about having to go, and still is. But this particular day, I figured I would give myself a treat for not having strangled him as he complained through the entire trip. In Washington, pretty much all the stores had a Starbucks, so I headed over to get myself a coffee and a chocolate milk for him. I'm standing there waiting, the cart is full of groceries so he was waiting along side me. Next thing I know I'm going to hand him his milk, and he's standing their with the front of his pants down playing with himself.

Horribly embarrassed, and praying nobody had seen I pull his pants back into place telling him that he can't have his pants down in the store. He just smiles and pipes up with the excuse "But I was just tickling it mommy" :blush: I couldn't bring myself to go back to that store for a number of weeks.

I have to say so far this one tops all the others. :smilielol5:

[Paulclem]

My wife was on the bus with my son, who had been watching TV the night before. As a Sikh Gentleman in a turban sat down he cried out - "Look Mummy, It's Sinbad!"

Highly embarasing for my wife trying to shush him, but amusing for the bus including the Gent in question.

Another time we had a German student friend staying with us. My son was into various things including dinosaurs and World War 2. He was particularly interested in the Coventry Blitz when a German air raid devastated the city centre and outlaying industrial areas, and his Grandma's experience of it.

We instructed him not to go on about it to Uncle Andreas as it would be rude. He accepted this, and the conversation turned to his other favourite topic - dinosaurs. We were talking about hiow they had disappeared a long time ago whereupon he said:
"Uncle Andreas, did the Germans bomb the dinosaurs as well?"

[The Comedian]

These are all so funny. Love 'em.

Here's another one:

One day when my daughter was about three, my wife and I overslept on a weekday and as a result were late dropping her off at daycare (and ourselves to work).

In the car my daughter asked, "why are we being late?"

My wife responded, "we were naughty and slept too late this morning".

When we got to daycare, my daughter walked into school and proudly announced,

"I'M LATE BECAUSE MY MOM AND DAD WERE BEING NAUGHTY ALL MORNING"

:blush:

[applepie]

These are all so funny. Love 'em.

Here's another one:

One day when my daughter was about three, my wife and I slept in on a weekday and as a result were late dropping her off at daycare (and ourselves to work).

In the car my daughter asked, "why are we being late?"

My wife responded, "we were naughty and slept too late this morning".

When got to daycare, my daughter walked into school and proudly announced,

"I'M LATE BECAUSE MY MOM AND DAD WERE BEING NAUGHTY ALL MORNING"

:blush:

:lol::smilielol5::rofl:

I'm noticing a theme here. What is it about the age of three that makes kids so funny?

[Paulclem]

Once she was about three or four again, my daughter and my son came back from their Grandmother's. they had played her up a bit, and so we were annoyed with them, as it hardly ever happened. Anyway my daughter conspiratorily said to my wife:
"Grandma called Jim the "w" word".

We were intrigued and slightly alarmed at what the "w" word could be. The only "w" word I could think of was unrepeatable. Had grandma begun to lose it?

My wife persuaded my daughter to say it after giving her permission. So she leaned close and in her "lisping r" way said "watbag".

[Katy North]

My latest cute one came from my daughter as well. She's three and is easily the most watchful child I've ever seen. I've called her mockingbird since she started talking because she repeats more things.

Anyway, she was out with me at the grocery store. It's one of her favorite places to go, and she was happily chatting away as we go down the coffee aisle. I made a mention of needing to get some coffee, and my little darling just had to pipe up with

"Mommy you need coffee or you will die".

"No, mommy isn't going to die without coffee"

"Yes you will Mommy. You said so"

I assure her one more time that I'll not die without coffee, but by this time everyone in the aisle is laughing while she is refusing to believe me. She's not exactly quiet about things, so go figure everyone heard :D


:smilielol5::smilielol5::D

That's HILARIOUS.

My little one is two, so he's mainly cute... he's talking but his sentences are limited.

One thing he did say though... my husband is a sailor, and as such swearing is unfortunately an integral part of his language, much to my chagrin.

One day he started to say Fuuuuuu.... around our boy, and my little guy picked up on it immediately and said... FUN!!! :D
___
The other day as well I was letting him run around naked and play with my cell phone, which has a touch screen... and he decided it would be a grand thing to use his penis instead of his fingers on it.

[applepie]

:smilielol5::smilielol5::D

That's HILARIOUS.

My little one is two, so he's mainly cute... he's talking but his sentences are limited.

One thing he did say though... my husband is a sailor, and as such swearing is unfortunately an integral part of his language, much to my chagrin.

One day he started to say Fuuuuuu.... around our boy, and my little guy picked up on it immediately and said... FUN!!! :D
___
The other day as well I was letting him run around naked and play with my cell phone, which has a touch screen... and he decided it would be a grand thing to use his penis instead of his fingers on it.

:smilielol5: My husband is an ex-sailor now, and it is amazing the things my kids have learned to say from him.

[Helga]

when my son is asking for stuff in stores I usually say 'maybe on your birthday' well the other day I was in Ikea and was thinking about buying a rug, he said ' you'll get it on your birthday mom'...

one strange thing happened in kindergarten the other day, when I came to pick him up he had a tree branch he was playing with and was telling me about another boy who wasn't alloved to play with one because he kept hitting the boys with it, the teacher came and said 'yeah we were practising how not to hit your friends with sticks' my jaw dropped...

oh and I mentioned this in my blog once, he said 'I just do this (a twirl) and now I'm a girl, like you mommy' he loves dressing up..

[LitNetIsGreat]

I had quite an interesting philosophical moment with my four year old today. We were looking though my eldest daughter’s (who is seven) latest school book, which is about aboriginal and cave art and things like that. One of the questions asked what inspires you, what do you like to draw? So I asked her.

“What do you like to draw?”
“Flowers.”
“Why do you like to draw flowers?”
“Because they die.”
“Oh really” I said, we are all still in bed at this time, it is something monstrous like 8.30am “so you like to try and capture life’s impermanence then?” I asked her.
“No, I like to draw a flower, colour it in or paint it, then cut it out and stick it up with cellotape so it won’t die. Because flowers die” she said explaining to me carefully so I would understand. I then asked to have a look through the book again, (which she insists is really about parrots – surely stretching reader response theory to the limit?) but she wouldn’t let me. My eldest daughter then asked her what colour she likes to paint or colour the flowers:

“Every colour apart from red.”
“Why don’t you like red?” asked my eldest.
“Because red is a bloody colour.”
“But roses are red” replied my eldest “don’t you like roses?”
“Yes, I like roses, but not the colour red, because it is like blood, errrr.”

She then whacked me with the book, laughed and ran off. :D

[1n50mn14]

.....

[Taliesin]

I don't obviously have any children, but a friend of mine told me about her conversation with her four-year old son:

Son: How do the cops catch the criminals?
Mother: Well...er...they think.
Son: But how can they think when they're grown-ups?

[Heathcliff]

I guess I'm not a parent, but I'm a daughter. That's close, right?
_____________________________

My mum was mopping the laundry floor one day, I was about two-ish.

"Mum, what are you doing?"

"Mopping, go watch your cartoons."

"Why?"

"The pipe is broken, there is water everywhere and I still need to wash the clothes, so I have to mop. Go and watch your cartoons."

So I left and came back in a few minutes time, "Mum, do you know how the pipe is broken?"

"Just here," she pointed to a thin crack, "go and watch your cartoons, I'm very busy and it is wet.

I went away, watched some more TV, and came back a few minutes later, "Mum, why don't you just put the pipe in the bucket?"

"GO AWAY!!"

I left and she put the pipe in the bucket. :lol:

[TheFifthElement]

When my daughter was around 3 years old, and she was learning to express herself, she would often get words mixed up. So one day we were at the swimming baths and she'd been bobbing along all nicely, then she climbed out of the pool and in the process she scraped her knee. It was only a little scrape, and she didn't cry or anything. However, as she was standing by the side of the pool she announced in a very loud voice:

"Mummy, I screwed myself".

Needless to say, we left the pool pretty soon after that!

[qimissung]

:smilielol5:

[Hurricane]

Not a parent, but when my older sister was very little, one time she was walking with my Dad. My Dad told her to do something that she did not want to do, so she started out saying
"Daddy, you're such a stuu--"
*cue warning look of impending anger from Dad*
"--pendous guy!"

[Heathcliff]

Not a parent, but when my older sister was very little, one time she was walking with my Dad. My Dad told her to do something that she did not want to do, so she started out saying
"Daddy, you're such a stuu--"
*cue warning look of impending anger from Dad*
"--pendous guy!"
Haha! I could so imagine that. :lol:

[Nightshade]

Oh wow! :lol: :smilielol5: hilarious,
I too have no kids but 4 younger siblings with almost 13 years between me and the youngest soo.
One day when my sister is about 4 she was flicking through one of the ladybird read it yourself book, I think it was billy goats gruff or something anyway she points to the words read it yourself and asks my mum who is busy backing up her dos computer ( this is back in the days where this was a 3 day event of screeching noises coming from the computer and my mother getting more and more distracted and annoyed)
"Mamma what this say?"
"read it yourself"
"MAMA what does this say"
I told you read it yourself"
"NO MAMMA WHAT DOES THIS SAY?!"
"name- I told you read it your self"
"But MAMA I Can't read yet, you read it!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In my first year of uni the baby was 6, and as I have a tendency to wonder around talking through big essays I was at home for the holidays and writing an essay on I can't remember but I had concluded that it was a nebulous concept anyway, and to work out any kinks I grabbed baby sat her down and talked my essay at her. ( she was already well trained by then all of us revise and learn by teaching so she early learnt to ask why and get us to explain when we explaining to her. Anyway she asks me what nebulous concept means, and I explain it means something that you cant really touch or hold and isn't really real. The next day she gets into an argument with the 10 year old and the next thing I hear is "You are a nebulous concept!" so I say
You can't say that anyway what do you mean?
" If she is nebulous she isnt real so she cant annoy me and I get her toys!"

[Helga]

I was dropping my brother of at the bus the other day after a visit with me and my son and when he left the car my boy said 'mom, can we buy another uncle that dosen't have to take the bus'

[motherhubbard]

My third child was born at home with my older children in attendance. My youngest daughter at the time was four. It was the best experience. Later, my four year old daughter shared some information about the experience with some children from church. Two of the children, twins, became very concerned for my health. They were worried and one of them told their father that they thought something bad was wrong with me and that they weren't sure what could cause such an illness. They were not sure I would live. Their father had to explain with a straight face that adults grow hair in places that children do not.

[papayahed]

oh no!



Ok, but that is funny!:smilielol5:

[motherhubbard]

I still have a hard time looking that guy in the face.

[applepie]

My third child was born at home with my older children in attendance. My youngest daughter at the time was four. It was the best experience. Later, my four year old daughter shared some information about the experience with some children from church. Two of the children, twins, became very concerned for my health. They were worried and one of them told their father that they thought something bad was wrong with me and that they weren't sure what could cause such an illness. They were not sure I would live. Their father had to explain with a straight face that adults grow hair in places that children do not.

:lol: Oh my gosh, I do love all the things that kids do and say.

[JuniperWoolf]

My little brother was in health class in preschool, and they were teaching him about strangers. My brother was told that if someone tried to touch him "in his personal places," he was supposed to scream the word "PEDOPHILE!" as loudly as he could to make the person go away.

Cue to my family eating dinner that night in a nice restaurant full of people. My mom's trying to force my brother to eat his veggies, she's sort of forcing the spoon into his mouth while at the same time trying to make him stop squirming around. He just wants her to go away.

"PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE!"

[TurquoiseSunset]

Okay, this is something my brother did maaaany years ago.

He was about 5 so I was 11 and my mom, my brother and I were all sitting in church. We have two churches, a normal sized church that can take the whole congregation and a small one just next door that can take about 100 people. We were attending the kiddies service in the small one. The pastor was playing a song on his guitar and singing with the rest of us listening. My mom spotted my brother picking his nose and then extracting what he had found and inspecting it. He was sitting on her lap so she held him tight and tried to get at his finger with a tissue, but he started struggling.
When my mom (obviously) wouldn't give in he started shouting, "Leave it, leave it!!! It's MY snot!! It's MY snot!!" Needless to say, since the church is so small, everyone heard, even the pastor, who then stopped playing and singing to give everyone a giggle break.

It was mortifying! :blush: :lol: