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Mfdoom
03-05-2010, 07:17 PM
Torment
By Kenny Vatché Avakian.

A veil of shadows settles in within these corridors rarely enlightened by the blurry blessing. Passing clouds drift violently, pushed by winds of the north, covering with darkened skin a croissant moon forever watching. The working class travel through this midday night, escaping the hourly paid slavery and falling upon a smoggy reality. Blackened souls linger on these gloomy paths of the Montreal suburbs, walking aimlessly and finding refuge within church books, illegal medicine and smoky delight. Pouring tears abrupt skilfully and cleanses the daily filth, giving to this whole scenery a movie-like conception.

I stand alone, beneath a layer of bricks, consuming an Asian delicacy while I contemplate this vivid imagery. Solitude is a stance often demoted in modern North American culture for it enables the mind to step aside from the common chatter and educate itself with observations of the living. Nevertheless, quite an understanding of our environment brings forth the usual stereotypical profiling, depicting my thought pattern as one of an individual consumed by loneliness and decimated by the lack of mentionable accomplishments. Such a blatant statement has always brought nothing more than hatred within me, cultivating my rage further more and engaging my soul into escaping this wretched world.

Setting aside my constant disapproval of our occidental mindset, I notice the hordes of sheep have now gained in proportion and once again take assault these unpardonable streets, disturbing the St-Catherine grounds with their tired footsteps and leftover cylindrical rolls still fuming. I always wait patiently for this five o’clock streaming of our worlds so called cultivated humanity as it often coincides with my obligated departure towards the brainwashing institution. Picking up my bag filled with Karl Marx’s thoughts and Fukuyama’s statements, I engage through a tenebrous breach created by an empty space between two restaurants. Voyaging through this valley of shadows, I located an industrial garbage disposal container on my right and decide to throw my now emptied Styrofoam vessel into its weekly emptied stomach. Doing so, I perceive a shaded silhouette situated near the end of my narrow path. At first glance it seemed to be an abandoned box made of cardboard forcefully depressed by thickened tears pouring violently. Advancing at small pace, the subject of my sudden curiosity took form rapidly. It was a man, sited calmly on the ground with his back towards the wall accompanied by second-rate spirits sold in local gas stations and drugstores. He stood there silent, concealed from the public’s eye, unfazed by the rigid climate and protected slightly by a patched up brown mantle and a discoloured fisherman’s hat. As I ventured through this darkened space given birth by paralleled walls, my footsteps eluded him of my presence as he slowly opened his tired eyes to glance at what disturbed his light-headed contemplation. Staring at me with the least of interest, I could see within his eyes a forgotten soul, searching for refuge within high percentage beverages while trying to calm a heated desire to end an existence shattered and frivolous. Evident scars on his upper cheek suggested the cruel past he had to partake, filled with insurmountable struggles, crippled by uncountable deceptions and forever shackled by an ill-fated destiny. Slightly leaning forward to distribute an unthinkable blessing, I search within my left pocket for a few remaining coins and drop near this old man’s reach, a bear and a golden queen. Now accelerating my pace, I decline eye contact as an allocator and continue onwards my set destination, leaving the scene of the crime with the mindset of a soothsayer. I chose such a common reaction for I believe silence is often the needed follower of a nice gesture as it produces the thought that pity was not the cause of its attribution within the designated receiver, or so I tell myself.

Turning left from the narrow path I had just exercised a misinterpreted benediction, I entered the world of the general while concealing my true nature. Revealing to my fellow inmates a shared misconception that we thrive in a world governed by the best fitted aiding the less fortunate, I entertain myself with this precisely engineered entity and satisfy a morbid fascination towards the unknown, quenching its thirst for knowledge with contemplations of the naive. Stepping upon the St-Denis Street, I continued my road towards the university and plugged my encephalon to a stream of never-ending rhythms. The background of choice, The Uprising, from Muse, referred by a good friend who finds within metallic strings a comfort beyond anybodies full understanding. Music is a powerful tool that can be used for multiple purposes and guides those who seek within its melodic symphonies a message for a better day. As far as I am concerned, I have always kept secret my constant admiration for the heartfelt and soothing cadence of jazzy tones. For some odd reason, I have discovered within these saddened notes a place of serenity that adjusts itself perfectly to my chain of thought. While undergoing this indication of my favourite musical type, the end of my introductory track had vanished without notice, and my soul began to slowly relax as the following tune began its melody. Coincidental as it may be, a delightful serenade of saxophone sneaked in through a pre-programmed shuffle and brought with its arrival a delightful reminisce. Entering my heart like a burst of emotions, an untamed imagination had been beautifully intertwined with an instrumental voice, giving birth within my whole, a mesmerising sensation. Sitting down for a moment on a wooden green bench situated near the intersection, I lit a cigarette and shut my eyes to ponder away to this imagery gently arising. Venturing calmly into this marvellous daydream, I found myself greeted by a familiar sight. The full moon had presented itself with a rare unnatural glow, caressing remarkably during its night flight, the cold winter veil common to this part of the region. A sight now brightened by a celestial shine, imprinted footprints could be seen on the snowy earth pointing towards an old fashioned establishment. Dim lights escaping through its front window softly illuminated this street resting in slumber, indicating with its presence that late hours often put to sleep those who have the privilege to dream off into another world. Heading towards the entrance, I stumbled across a few fliers fallen near the doorstep. Picking one up to satisfy my curiosity, it stated that a jazz band was performing tonight a newly released single from an upcoming album. As I put down the piece of paper on the outside edge of the window and gently turned the wooden knob to enter the premises, a fiery breeze of heat and smoke welcomed my arrival. Stepping prudently inside, I shacked off the remaining snowy flakes on my leather jacket, took a seat at the bar situated near the mid-left portion of the room and ordered myself a drink. Looking around while I waited for my order, I noticed two old men playing a card game on the far left corner of the room. Mounted up on burgundy coloured chairs, they sat alone by the window, surrounded by a couple of emptied table sets still holding filled-up ash trays and a few emptied beer mugs. Clothed with baseball caps, darkened carrot coloured jackets, muddied jeans and overused working boots, they stood there in silent contemplation, like two old friends having a drink after a long night of memories and past adventures. Observing quietly this scenery, I hadn’t noticed the musical background echoing in the room until the saxophonist began his melodic interpretation, eluding me with breathtaking notes his heartfelt performance. Slightly turning around to identify the source of this tune, I fell upon an artist playing a beautiful serenade accompanied by soothing piano keys. Now sipping on my scotch on the rocks, clichéd for late-hour drinking, I stared upon lonely souls gently vanishing to this caressing melody and entering silently onto a world of reminisce. As a saddened smile voyaged through those blurring out calmly, I took a similar path and followed loneliness, closing my eyes slowly to allocate to this jazzy rhythm, memories of a never-ending torment.

Like an unforgiving thunder collapsing its rage upon a world in despair and calamity, A horn from a passing bus awoken me from my peaceful release and presented to my soul this tainted reality.

Mfdoom
03-20-2010, 02:25 PM
Updated.

Like an unforgiving thunder collapsing its rage upon a world in despair and calamity, a horn from a passing bus awoken me from my peaceful release and presented to my soul the usual tainted reality. As my soul sheds an unseen tear for a world lost in marketable beauty, I look upon my right hand and ponder on something missing. A daydream now gone, I got up from the bench and proceeded once more to my planned destination. Crossing the street at the intersection, looking towards the cars waiting for the green enlightenment to rotate their polymer material rings, I passed through the remaining yellow stripes to reach upon a translucent edifice.
Presented to the passing eye as a structure formed with precisely constructed transparent squares, born through a heated combination of sand, flint and spar, a building of mirrors welcomes to those entering the premises, a renowned symbol of education and intelligence. Nevertheless, I have always wondered if this institution, forming the expertise of our generation, is indeed one of the main reasons why so few are interested by their surroundings, too occupied to theorise on man’s true existence, forced upon books and pages specifically chosen by the leader of the assembly. I often observe with disgust a classroom of individuals scribbling down, within routinely set hours, words from a salaried master, with only function, to spit chewed-up information for the baby pigeons to swallow. Now walking towards the glassed door, I contemplate the silver bar used to access this so called cavern of wonders and ponder on how such an open sesame has become a monthly payment in our contemporary societies. Entering this modern engineered establishment, constructed as an oddly shaped rectangular glass bead, I travelled amongst the blinded horde, stepping upon this forty year-old hardened Portland based mixture, heavily greyed by imprinted steps of the uninformed populists and clueless elitists. Heading towards my classroom, I walk upon a staircase shaped of dark colorized cement accompanied by an overused black bar, built to aid some during their ascension. Situated in the middle of this translucent platform, I utilised this position regularly to analyse our corrupted youth with an advantaged emplacement. Advancing through a blackened white corridor, I situate my classroom and proceed towards its direction. Now in front of a damaged beige door, I put my right hand on the handle and pushed inwards to step into its oblivion. Venturing in, the room resembled one seen often in universities of our nation as most were composed with the same tainted blank-colorized vertical tables accompanied by uncomfortable squeaking chairs carelessly screwed to enable its semi-rotation. Setting my bag on the first available spot in the back, I sat down and took a quick glance at individuals scrutinizing my every movement, annoyed by a late arrival interrupting our teachers so called divine explanation. Every moment spent in this wretched place, filled with its uncountable uncultivated Sons, springs nothing more than illness within me. God, I hate this course...

Our teacher was a beautiful woman dressed with a red tank top, a black skirt, matching boots followed with golden circular earrings and a Swiss titanium watch. Young and naive, rich and prosper, admired for her radiant looks and remarkable charm, her lack of competence could be easily identified in her speech pattern. Utilizing certain expressions, stumbling across complicated words, it’s to wonder if her near-perfect body played a role in her enrolment. Shoving aside that interpretation for the moment, her vocabulary, intertwined with a fragile voice and an uncommon pronunciation of certain letters, revealed she exercised a mother language influenced by a father from a different culture. Furthermore, she seemed to be new at her position as she spent most of her time travelling through roughed-up sheets of paper and memory-aids to guide her successfully throughout these weekly planned sessions. Nevertheless, I could always perceive while analysing her hand gestures and body positioning, that she valued her material only to a certain extent. Evading certain paths of discussion, incapable to answer the simplest of questions, I suspected her confidence was slowly beginning to decline as the hourly glass poured its passing sand in confinement. Now staring upon the assembly present, I notice my classmates write with rapid pace this exposition without reading between the lines to find hidden opinions. Like vultures feeding upon a carcass, my generation feasts upon a meal offered for a reason and neglect questioning the meaning of such a combination of words and well engineered phrases.

Mfdoom
03-23-2010, 01:45 AM
Updated.

This session focuses upon debates surrounding a novel read and distributed around the world since the mind has the skill of recollection. Most politicians, presidents and unidentifiable puppet masters have always perceived, within this gathering of pages, not only a tool to utilise but a perfect example of power for those who understand its true purpose. Since mankind has seen its birth on artistic tomes, silver imprints, yellow pages, dusty bookshelves and hotel drawers, it’s needless to say it has been put to the test numerous times and discussed on uncountable occasions throughout history. Nevertheless, without a full understanding of events leading to its naissance, interpreting such an instrument in our contemporary mindset loses value when presented by those willing to reason upon its force.

As I listened to these misinterpreted quotes being digested by birds in this enclosed area, my mind swiftly escaped this devious butchering and grabbed my consciousness almost unwillingly. Exercising an influence over my entity, a sudden manifestation imprisoned my whole and commanded me to open my notebook. My arm shaking uncontrollably, feeling the sweat traversing near my upper cheek, warm vapours now emerging from my body revealed my left arms violent search for a blank page to ink. Like a virulent gust of wind spreading a plagued quintessence, I witnessed, within this maniacal flickering of notes, a log embodied with darkened symbols and bold quotations. As an empty space appears to my shaded vision, my right arm takes hold of a dismantled plume and authors a filament of thoughts embodied with malicious intent. Forcefully penetrated by a will to endow pages with obfuscated transcriptions, I read upon this open canvas, my following message:

How tedious it is to simply sit on this horrific sky-colorized plastic chair
while silently witnessing gullible individuals feast upon a brainwashing
analysis of a so called Holy Scripture written for the guidance of men.
How pitiful to gaze upon such imbecile specimens willingly swallowing
redundant and vaguely inscribed quotations about righteous reasoning.
You mindless fools! Have you not interpreted this testament on your own?
Have you no will to ponder upon historical events leading to its creation?

With my heart now racing vividly, my breath shortening immensely, I try to keep up with this rapid-paced composition divulgated before me.

Visualising human nature trying to forcefully believe that puppet masters
do not exist can be somewhat entertaining to the darkened mind but only
to a certain extent. I cannot understand how such an evolving civilisation
does not realise that highly placed individuals intentionally control us all,
with whatever means necessary, to accomplish a hard mischievous goal,
to impose and establish upon the globe, the rise of the New World Order.
It is needless to try and comprehend a self-titled illuminated organisation
if one does not determine the easiest tool utilised to manipulate our minds.

Buh4Bee
03-23-2010, 10:05 AM
I have to defend the character of the teacher. I can relate well to this character- I once got stuck teaching a class that I wasn't qualified to teach. I really hated it and it was probably pretty obvious.

I found it somewhat boring after a point, a bit self-absorded.

paradoxical
03-23-2010, 11:13 AM
I thought the first part was really very good, especially the first couple of paragraphs. I enjoyed the descriptions of Montreal neighborhoods. I also really liked the line, "Picking up my bag filled with Karl Marx’s thoughts and Fukuyama’s statements." All of it is very vivid, for instance the description of the teacher. The last part is really intense, particularly the words on the canvas.

Perhaps break the story up in to smaller paragraphs, although technically there is nothing wrong with the longer paragraphs. It would perhaps make it a faster and less intimidating read although it would not necessarily be wrong to leave it the way it is.

Mfdoom
03-23-2010, 03:00 PM
Thank you both for your comments, I'm new to the whole writting so it's still a work in process. I also understand presenting my work in smaller paragraphs would probably make it less intimidating.

As for Jersea, I'm saddened that you found it boring. I hope I can get you interested some other time. Nevertheless, Thank you for reading it, I appreciate it.

Thought I think the self-absorbed comment is a tad pre-mature. The story is based upon a soul that is tormented and spends his time questionning his environment. He does not feel better or feel the need to tell anybody he is superior since he is mostly critical and questions his surroundings. The character basicly thinks and analyses a lot what is around him and has reached a point where he is tired of watching the so-called smart and civilized world stand controlled and manipulated by the goverment. So, of course, if you don't read attentively and not take in consideration the title nor the way he acts, than of course the story would sound self-absorbed, but considering the fact that he simply doesn't even care enouf about the uncivilized world to show his superiority, it already illustrates that he is only being judgemental and not evoking any god complex.

So yea, calling it self-absorbed is wrong since he does not act like he is better, his just fed up.

Buh4Bee
03-23-2010, 08:06 PM
Sure, I can see that. I'll keep following and give it a second read.

TheBearJew
03-24-2010, 02:11 PM
Your language is fantastic, but it was a difficult read, anyway, which surprised me. I'd say that's mostly due to the paragraphs, and I think if you cut them shorter, then this would flow a lot easier. Staring at such a long block of words, especially advanced language, isn't an easy task.

Also, though I love your eloquency, I think sometimes you went with terms that didn't need to be so fancy. Ernest Hemingway, if he taught us anything, showed us that we don't need to always use big words to convey big emotions. I think sometimes, describing all emotions and happenings in too eloquent a fashion can be deterring.

Mfdoom
03-27-2010, 03:54 AM
FIANAL UPDATE! End of chapter one. Hope you guys like it!

Tarnished with blurry eyes, fatigued from this possession, I focussed as much as possible upon these alluding passages while trying to comprehend to its fullest extent, terms utilized for this bashing of our societies institutions.

To educate a world dying in its current misfortune is none of my concern!
I do not see the point in relieving enslaved and self-absorbed individuals
wasting their lives for green colorized paper while watching a black box.
Stay in your deep dark cavern where you’ve been imprisoned since birth.
See if I give a damn! I’m not a guide who wishes to reveal the ray of light
to the shackled world who enjoys the reality given by a wall of shadows.
Then again, come to think of it. It doesn’t matter if I did cause one who is
accustomed to the shade will willingly reject the truth from one who has
seen the light. Really hilarious how humans think: “belong, or be gone.”
Have you all not yet discovered that what you seek in these contemporary
times is what destroys you in the end? Wake up and smell the vile stench!
The current odour of truth is nothing joyful, it’s actually quite tormenting.
I’m now done with all this! NOW START THE SHAKING! LET IT RING!

As I reached the final phrase and read upon these capital words, an immense pressure violently collapsed within my whole and finally, through a motion of extinction, released my body, mind and soul from its restraints. Drained of my essence, fatigued beyond comprehension, I lay stapled against this synthetic chair and wish nothing more than to close my eyes to rest. Now delivered by these shackles, I could still feel its diminished presence upon my wrist while slowly moving my arm.

Shutting my eyes to replenish my consciousness, I felt a sudden vibration irrupting on my upper leg, bringing forth a terrifying sensation. Stunned and frozen with fear, multiple conclusions started to overflow rapidly within my mind. Forcing myself to stay calm, I realised my right pocket was the source of this shaking. Reaching in, I fell upon my cellular phone ringing and, with a sigh of relief, took it out to see who was calling. As I stared upon my caller identifier, I came across a private number and silently headed outside of the classroom. Now unable to disturb or interrupt anybody, I picked up my phone and answered.