Before I may Awake

[Alexander III]

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[blank|verse]

A villanelle! Good effort for even attempting one, they're not easy.

I'd be interested to know if you think you have been successful writing this.

I think the most difficult thing with them is making them flow freely, so they sound almost inevitable, and I don't think you quite achieve that here.

It reads like it should be in iambic pentameter, but keeps straying from the path, and the metrical irregularities do tend to stick out. I think the first little bump is the 'may' in the first line, which doesn't quite read right. And because you've started with a stressed word ('Let') it makes the first line read like it's in trochees, not iambs. ('LET me DIE be-FORE i may a-WAKE' - capitals indicate stresses; lower-case unstressed syllables.)

I think it needs to be more regular because the sentiment of what is being expressed is very definite. It's quite 'Hamlet' in subject-matter, so some irregularities in the poem expressing doubts would be acceptable, but have to be controlled.

Still, a very good effort. Let me know what you thought of it.

[Alexander III]

Thank you as always for the technical advice, I appreciate it.

From a personal standpoint this is my favorite poem, which I have created. However this is more due to the content than the aesthetic value of the poem.

I have always loved Villanelles, they alway have this remarkable emotional impact upon me when I read them, the feeling is rather indescribable.

[Buh4Bee]

I have read your poem many times and I can touch upon the fringe of it's meaning, but at a deeper level, it remains mysterious to me. For this, I wish I was not so limited. Generally I liked the universal ideas of love, dreams, and the harsh reality of "society".

I agree the villanelle suits you as a writing style. I myself like the way the villanelle framework can supports one's writing with a comprehensive structure.

[Alexander III]

Thank you Jersea, i alway enjoy hearing your voice(well writing) :)

[Buh4Bee]

:blush: