Hawkman
03-03-2010, 07:12 AM
Genitals, verses 1 -17
1 In the beginning, the very beginning, there was Man. and
Man looked upon the void and saw that truly, he was out of his
depth.
2 So he said, `Let there be God', and lo, there was God, and
then the trouble started.
3 For Man created God in his own image to justify his existence,
and God created Woman to show what a bad move it was;
for a woman could only be the vengeance of a wrathful deity incarnate.
Nevertheless, Man accepted this mixed blessing from
his God, because it gave him sex which he really enjoyed.
4 However, having created God, Man discovered that it didn't
really solve any of the great mysteries of life, the
universe and everything; for there was still war, disease,
famine and death.
5 So, Man reasoned, if the God he had created for himself
in his own image stood for all the good things in life,
like winning the pools, Saturday night rave-ups at the
local palais and sex, then there must be an equally
powerful force for evil in the universe. So he created the
Devil.
6 But Man still wasn't satisfied, for far too many bad things
happened to him. `Surely', he thought, `If God is good, and
good means having sex, getting pissed and being rich, then
there is no place for evil in the world. Why does our God
let these terrible things happen to us?'
7 So Man created Religion and the Church to explain it to him
and the Church did so by giving him Guilt.
8 But Man did not like the concept of Guilt and he told the
Church where to get off. Then the Church became angry at
Man's ingratitude and created Heresy, which gave the Church
the right to do the Devil's work in God’s name, and burn
anyone who didn't agree with it.
9 So now, thoroughly confused and disillusioned with his
work, Man created a new philosophy which banned Religion
and called it Communism.
10 Man really thought that he had blown the meaning of life
wide open with his latest idea: everyone equal, no
jealousy, envy or theft, for how could there be? How could
there be jealousy if everyone was equal? How could there
be theft in a society where no one was allowed to own anything.
11 But Man overlooked one thing.
12 Man.
13 For man was greedy. There was always someone who wanted
two of what everyone else had, so he took it by force. He became
feared and so was made leader, that he might protect those
who feared him.
14 But the leader was still greedy and wanted more and more,
until those who had not already been subjugated formed a
resistance.
15 But Man needed weapons for resistance, and so he created
science. For science allowed him to invent more and more
powerful weapons with which to annihilate his enemies; and
thus he forsook the deities and good things he has created for
himself.
16 Then, Man's God and his Devil shouted, `Hold on a minute! You
can't forsake us. You made us omnipotent and that's the way
we like it. We're fed up with you fighting and squabbling
in and out of our names. We're off to start again and we're
going to get it right!’
17 And so off they went, and God looked upon the void, and did
all the things which he did, and he forgot that Man had
created him in his own image...
From `Genitals', the first book of the `Heretical Misogynist's
Bible'. attributed to St. Chauvin.
1 In the beginning, the very beginning, there was Man. and
Man looked upon the void and saw that truly, he was out of his
depth.
2 So he said, `Let there be God', and lo, there was God, and
then the trouble started.
3 For Man created God in his own image to justify his existence,
and God created Woman to show what a bad move it was;
for a woman could only be the vengeance of a wrathful deity incarnate.
Nevertheless, Man accepted this mixed blessing from
his God, because it gave him sex which he really enjoyed.
4 However, having created God, Man discovered that it didn't
really solve any of the great mysteries of life, the
universe and everything; for there was still war, disease,
famine and death.
5 So, Man reasoned, if the God he had created for himself
in his own image stood for all the good things in life,
like winning the pools, Saturday night rave-ups at the
local palais and sex, then there must be an equally
powerful force for evil in the universe. So he created the
Devil.
6 But Man still wasn't satisfied, for far too many bad things
happened to him. `Surely', he thought, `If God is good, and
good means having sex, getting pissed and being rich, then
there is no place for evil in the world. Why does our God
let these terrible things happen to us?'
7 So Man created Religion and the Church to explain it to him
and the Church did so by giving him Guilt.
8 But Man did not like the concept of Guilt and he told the
Church where to get off. Then the Church became angry at
Man's ingratitude and created Heresy, which gave the Church
the right to do the Devil's work in God’s name, and burn
anyone who didn't agree with it.
9 So now, thoroughly confused and disillusioned with his
work, Man created a new philosophy which banned Religion
and called it Communism.
10 Man really thought that he had blown the meaning of life
wide open with his latest idea: everyone equal, no
jealousy, envy or theft, for how could there be? How could
there be jealousy if everyone was equal? How could there
be theft in a society where no one was allowed to own anything.
11 But Man overlooked one thing.
12 Man.
13 For man was greedy. There was always someone who wanted
two of what everyone else had, so he took it by force. He became
feared and so was made leader, that he might protect those
who feared him.
14 But the leader was still greedy and wanted more and more,
until those who had not already been subjugated formed a
resistance.
15 But Man needed weapons for resistance, and so he created
science. For science allowed him to invent more and more
powerful weapons with which to annihilate his enemies; and
thus he forsook the deities and good things he has created for
himself.
16 Then, Man's God and his Devil shouted, `Hold on a minute! You
can't forsake us. You made us omnipotent and that's the way
we like it. We're fed up with you fighting and squabbling
in and out of our names. We're off to start again and we're
going to get it right!’
17 And so off they went, and God looked upon the void, and did
all the things which he did, and he forgot that Man had
created him in his own image...
From `Genitals', the first book of the `Heretical Misogynist's
Bible'. attributed to St. Chauvin.