Diamonds

[whitman]

In an ice desert I laid
and with a gypsy I prayed
to pause eternity's clock,
while I created a half black
half red rose and reversed
your tears, I whispered leaves
back onto trees. I transported
coals to wine made waterfalls
and created diamonds of red
emeralds of black. From roses
a perfume I bled, at your feet
my jewels I spread. To eternity's
clock we were led it had one hand
of black one hand of red, with
eternity as a witness we
were wed, married by
a gypsy both alive and dead

[Sampson]

That's fantastic! I love the imagery, but the rhythm is the part that got me. Its almost prefect.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Much as I like the catapault-like flow of this, I was set on the wrong expectation by the initial end-rhymes (where, in fact, "laid" should properly be "lay"), but then you recovered my pleasure with the internal rhymes, and the half-rhymes, until the all too-convenient rhyme of the final line, where the half living half dead gypsy had no apparent reason other than to finish off with a couplet: too neat, I think, and it undermined the conviction of all that had come before it.

[whitman]

Well that's life.

[~Sophia~]

Hi whitman. I like this very much. If I'm not mistaken, a red rose means love and a black rose - death or farewell and in that regard, I think this as an epitaph or sorts (I hope not from personal experience). It's really quite beautiful.

[MorpheusSandman]

This poem fits right into my aesthetic tastes so I love it very much. I love poetry where's there's a musicality and sensuousness to the language and rhythm even at the sacrifice of content (which, when it's abstract enough, carries its own meaning like classical music). Though I don't think you sacrifice representative content here, either; especially with your plays with metaphoric objects and colors. I loved the "I whispered leaves /
back onto trees." part.