Essay about the use of diction in William Stafford's "Traveling Through the Dark"

[CrisRonaldo]

Hello,
I began writing an essay about this subject and showed the first few paragraphs to my prof. for some advice. This is the beginning of my essay:

In “Traveling Through the Dark,” William Stafford’s use of descriptive words, and their arrangement, invites the reader to explore the dark interactions between the speaker and the environment. In these interactions, man and modern technology play a negative role against the environment. Also, his use of verbs display man’s ruthlessness towards nature, as well as uncertainty when dealing with it.

In the first stanza Stafford uses clever word order to alter the way the reader looks at the early lines of the poem. He writes, “Traveling through the dark I found a deer//dead on the edge of the Wilson River road” (1-2). The word “deer” is mentioned first, which makes the reader believe there is a live deer on the road. However, on the second line “dead” is written informing the reader that the deer has been killed, most likely by the speaker. Stafford’s ordering of these words takes the reader from a calm feeling in the first line, to a gloomy feeling in the second.

Another significant line in the first stanza is, “the road is narrow; to swerve might make more dead.” (4). The verb “swerve” is significant because it shows a lack of control, as if the driver was caught off guard. As human beings we do not like to be at fault, and the driver swerving out of the way depicts that he was not paying attention and the death of the deer is on his hands. Stafford also uses an example of alliteration on the same line with the words “might make more”. Alliteration is very direct and straight, but in this poem it is linked with swerving and more death. In my opinion Stafford is saying that if the driver was to leave the deer and continue straight down his path, it could lead to the death of others who follow behind him.

He told me it was interesting, but i needed to have a more specific thesis in the first paragraph. Also, in my other paragraphs I have weak topic sentences, and I need to use literary devices and specific evidence to back up my analysis. Any tips you guys could give me would be much appreciated, I am especially having trouble with the idea of showing specific evidence in my paragraphs. Here is a link to the poem: http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~richie/poetry/html/poem185.html

Thanks

[The Comedian]

Howdy,

Your work here is not too bad -- but your professor is right in that you could be a little more specific with your thesis. And your topic sentences follow a pretty standard pattern for early literature students in that usually the last sentence of the paragraph would make a better topic sentence. I tinkered with one (in Red) below to illustrate this idea. I wouldn't necessarily take my editing with it word-for-word; you could still mess with it some. But read it. I think it makes a better lead-in to the paragraph. What about you?


Hello,
I began writing an essay about this subject and showed the first few paragraphs to my prof. for some advice. This is the beginning of my essay:

In “Traveling Through the Dark,” William Stafford’s use of descriptive words, and their arrangement, invites the reader to explore the dark interactions between the speaker and the environment. In these interactions, man and modern technology play a negative role against the environment. Also, his use of verbs display man’s ruthlessness towards nature, as well as uncertainty when dealing with it.

In the first stanza Stafford’s word ordering takes the reader from a calm feeling [about what, exactly?] in the first line, to a gloomy feeling [about what] in the second. He writes, “Traveling through the dark I found a deer//dead on the edge of the Wilson River road” (1-2). The word “deer” is mentioned first, which makes the reader believe there is a live deer on the road. However, on the second line “dead” is written informing the reader that the deer has been killed, most likely by the speaker. [ You could address many more themes here related to the deer; for example you don't mention that she's warm with fawn and that the speaker is torn between his responsibility to the life of the unborn deer and the safety of future travelers. Hell, he's concerned about his responsibility towards several futures].

Another significant line in the first stanza is, “the road is narrow; to swerve might make more dead.” (4). The verb “swerve” is significant because it shows a lack of control, as if the driver was caught off guard. As human beings we do not like to be at fault, and the driver swerving out of the way depicts that he was not paying attention and the death of the deer is on his hands. Stafford also uses an example of alliteration on the same line with the words “might make more”. Alliteration is very direct and straight, but in this poem it is linked with swerving and more death. In my opinion Stafford is saying that if the driver was to leave the deer and continue straight down his path, it could lead to the death of others who follow behind him.

He told me it was interesting, but i needed to have a more specific thesis in the first paragraph. Also, in my other paragraphs I have weak topic sentences, and I need to use literary devices and specific evidence to back up my analysis. Any tips you guys could give me would be much appreciated, I am especially having trouble with the idea of showing specific evidence in my paragraphs. Here is a link to the poem: http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~richie/poetry/html/poem185.html

Thanks

[CrisRonaldo]

Howdy,

Your work here is not too bad -- but your professor is right in that you could be a little more specific with your thesis. And your topic sentences follow a pretty standard pattern for early literature students in that usually the last sentence of the paragraph would make a better topic sentence. I tinkered with one (in Red) below to illustrate this idea. I wouldn't necessarily take my editing with it word-for-word; you could still mess with it some. But read it. I think it makes a better lead-in to the paragraph. What about you?


Thanks a lot for the input, it actually helped a lot. If I explained the "calm/gloomy feelings", would that fall under the category of being more specific?
In regards to showing evidence, what can I really do besides quoting specific parts of the poem, or talking about the use of certain literary/poetic devices?

Thanks!

[The Comedian]

Yeah, I think explaining the "calm/gloomy" feelings would help. For example, if I remember that poem correctly (I'm workin' from memory here), but there are several references to the car exhaust, the red tail lights of the car, of being alone. Chances are all of these (and more) helped you feel "gloomy". Your professor would like to know these things, I suspect.

Same goes for "calm" -- there were probably several images and sounds that that helped you feel calm too. Put those in there. And it's okay if some of the same images that made you feel gloomy also make you feel calm. That little contradiction might give you some more interesting things to say about the poet's message or about people in general.

Hope this helps!