The Day the Arctic Came to Africa

[Sampson]

watch the colours dance
the chatoyance
look into the heart
of the stone you're
holding enclosed in
gold and know that
these rocks are called
ice cos they're cold

[paperleaves]

I love how your employment of line breaks makes us work for it, our heads spinning, to follow the poem as it dances, ever twirling, til the last line.

love
paper

[MorpheusSandman]

There's a really nice balance to the piece and I also echo what paper said about how the line breaks really plunge us forward until the end.

[Sampson]

Cheers guys... I only posted it because I thought it had wonderfully jerky flow to it. Seemed to work as a short verse, but initially I was planning to extend it into a deep piece about conflict diamonds or something. What do you reckon; does it need beefing up?

[breathtest]

i think 'beefing it up' will definitely be welcome. It is fine as it is, but i think the subject matter suggests something more epic and deep. As long as whatever else you add to it is as good as it is now, you can't go wrong.

[hack]

Good stuff.
In my love affair with stones,
I am struck by the rhyming of
chatoyance. It would be nice
to see it expanded...peace...

[AuntShecky]

Okay, I get "chatoyance" but -- "cos"?

[Sampson]

cos is an abbreviation of because

[AuntShecky]

cos is an abbreviation of because

I thought that was " 'cause."

[Sampson]

I thought that was " 'cause."

that depends how you pronounce becozzz init... ahem...