AvennSisko
02-25-2010, 11:54 AM
A little short I wrote for my creative writing class, I'd thought i'd share
:smile5: I am looking for some feedback so I can continue to improve on my
writing technique. Thanks in advance, and I hope you all like it!
Her Hand in Mine
"Come with me!" she called to me, her voice floating upon the wind and finding its way to my ears. Her gaze was so soft, reaching into me and gently kissing my soul provoking my legs to move forward with her. "Well? What're you waiting for?"
The sun shined off her smile as she turned away and parted the tall grass with her slender body. I pushed past where she stood and called ahead, she only looked back and laughed with that beautiful voice of hers. A tone so intoxicating I couldn't help but smile back. With her hand held out she smiled to me again and I took her hand, her fingers fitting perfectly in between mine. Bathed in the Suns light we ran, hand in hand, through the fields. Her smile keeping my feet moving, the tone of her elegant voice propelling me forward. She came to a stop and turned to me with a smile as bright as dawn. "Looks like you kept up, huh?" she jested with a smile.
"Someone’s quiet today, leaving you speechless again?"
I went to speak but no words could do my feelings justice. But her beautiful smile did soon fade from her face, and her hand gripped mine as the light began to fade, begging mine to go. Clouds flooded the sun kissed sky, draining it of its succulent color. She moved close and kissed me above my nose, and without a word turned away. Her Hand ripped, torn away from mine. Her smile no longer was fueling my soul, her fingers no longer fitting snuggly in between mine. She disappeared into the fields, moving away through time, never once looking back as I stood still. The grass growing around me as I was unable to move, frozen in the fields of old, desperately grasping onto what once was. Forever lost, wishing for her hand in mine.
'No!" I shouted aloud, pulling myself from the Fields of Memory frozen in time I pushed past the decaying grass, desperate to reach the one who could give my soul life. The tall grass began to burn under my feet as the field behind me began to dissolve like sand to the wind. The Horizon seemed endless as the Field in front of me erupted in flames, biting at my legs so keen on bringing me to my knees. The Flames began to dye the sky, mating with the smoke giving birth to a devilish look to my once beautiful field. "What is happening?!" I heard a soft voice call out from the distance.
It only fueled my charred and tired legs to reach the source of sirens call. It was her, her beautiful smile now turned sour as she looked upon the destruction that was taking place before her gorgeous twilight eyes. "How could this have happened? William what can we do?" she pleaded to me as a small tear rolled down her smooth skin only to find its way to my hand as I dried her face.
"How could we have let this get so out of hand? I Love you!" she cried as I pulled her close, and for maybe the last time, our lips embraced creating such a burst of warmth the soothed my burns and the ache in my body. Her kiss a panacea, reaching into the depths of my soul, gently healing my battered and tired form of a man. "This isn't the end!" I yelled as the fields destruction came ever so close to us.
"I'll find you! Remember that, I'll find you!"
As the soft touch of her fingers left mine I watched her escape, running to the horizon safely away from dying the field. I turned, to face my demons, the past finally catching the present. The field broke away from under my feet and I fell into the unknown, tumbling Through the Twilight.
I fell through the unending darkness, embracing eternity as nothingness enveloped me. "You’re kidding, that's it?" called a voice from the twilight.
"You promised her."
The voice played at my ears forcing my attention. "No" I said aloud.
My voice echoing into the never ending abyss. "I won't lose her."
"Good." said the voice, so full of glee.
I felt my body slow as the emptiness around me exploded with light. Something rushed up to reach my back bringing my slow decent to a close. My dark surroundings had been replaced with a dark, brooding forest. The trees twisted and grey were abominations, not trees at all. Men and Women alike consumed by their past, unable to move on were trapped here. One called out to me, his legs rooted in the lifeless ground, his arms branched out upwards desperately reaching for salvation. "You..one searching for what he has lost, due to your own mistakes. You search for..The Darkness."
The Darkness, the mention of it sent chills through my body, the mistakes of my past brought to life before my eyes to cause the ruin of my future. "You must face it..only then will you find the one you seek, you must face your demons."
My heart slowed, my legs shook, and my eye's began to water. "You will find him at the end of this corrupted wood. May God have mercy on you boy."
I rushed past the mockery of a tree and did not dare glance back. The damned called out to me. Insults, calls to help, and other just wishing to be heard. I would not become one consumed by my past, forever damned to this hellish forest of regret. "Where are you?!" I yelled.
My voice thundered through the trapped souls, only finding answer in the muddled cries of the imprisoned. The cursed wood began to grow thin, now only a vast and lifeless wasteland. "Show yourself!"
"You wish to face me?" growled a demonic voice, "You are but a man, with a stained past you can’t escape."
I faced the shadow as he manifested in front of my nervous eyes. He stood at my height, his body was that of a black cloud floating on air, only it took on the shape of a person. All the while two cat like red eyes starred right through me, daring me to run for safety. "Your past will face you boy, you were tempted once, face temptation."
The Darkness blew away like snow in the wind and a young woman replaced him. Her voluptuous body barely contained by her silk gown she moved close to me, her arms wrapping around me providing a comfort I had not felt since the field. Her body pushed against mine and her lips teasingly hovered only inches from mine, begging me to make the first move. She smiled, her long auburn hair tickling my face and her baby blue eyes inviting me into her. She was like ecstasy to me and I was a desperate addict, in need of a fix. I would not be done in by my past; I pushed her away and moved into the wasteland before me. Temptation called out to me, seducing my ears with her elegant words, but my mind was focused. I would find her, Anya, my beloved. Temptation faded and the darkness would never manifest again. Now the path was clear, I could see it, a city in the distance. There I would find her and my long journey would finally come to an end. My step picked up speed and snow began to fall, never looking back at what I left behind.
The city was old, aged by the harsh winds and the cold snow. Brick by brick the
metropolis had begun to crumble. The streets themselves were now caked with snow, not a foot print to be found. Lonely nostalgia found its way into my mind, images of my past sprang to life in front of my glassy eyes. "How long are you going to be with me?" I had asked her. She would smile back, "Forever."
The wind picked up and bit at my nose and cheeks, combing through my thick
brown hair. The emptiness of the city brought my heart closer to the ground, her home as barren as the northern pole. "It's beautiful, the field, how long can we stay?"
I looked back into her eyes, and pulled her close and kissed her gently.
"Forever," she pulled me closer our lips linking together creating a feeling of
grace that could never be matched.
"Almost, almost there." my step quickened as I parted the snow fall with my battered body. I rushed through the abandoned city streets, and could see it now. In the distance, a rose amongst weeds. Her home, so full of light and youth, it shinned in the horizon. "Anya.."
"How long are you going to be with me?"
My heart quickened with each step, and my breathe became steam before my
eyes.
"Forever"
It drew ever closer, the horizon slowly finding its way to me.
"Forever"
As I closed in on her home I threw myself forward, smashing into the battered wooden frame of a door. It buckled under my weight and collapsed. "Anya!" I called as the door fell.
"No.."
Nothing lay before me, but an empty house, echoing my heart. I had come so far.
I fell to my knees, impacting the cold, frost covered ground. Never to hold her
in my arms again, never to feel her fingers fit between mine. Then it pierced me
like a breeze of tropic air, a voice so sweet. "Will..."
I turned and my eyes glassed, "Anya.."
One more time, I can do it. My body shook under stress as I stood. The unforgiving winter air begged me to fall as I turned to run for her. As if drawn to each other like gravity we raced towards one another. I threw open my arms as did she, and embraced each other. The city around us erupted in light, as the buildings dissolved into dust a lush field took its place. The snow melted away giving birth to a soothing feeling not long forgotten. She smiled back at me, sunlight beaming off her radiant body. My heart swelled with warmth, never again to journey through the dark.
:smile5: I am looking for some feedback so I can continue to improve on my
writing technique. Thanks in advance, and I hope you all like it!
Her Hand in Mine
"Come with me!" she called to me, her voice floating upon the wind and finding its way to my ears. Her gaze was so soft, reaching into me and gently kissing my soul provoking my legs to move forward with her. "Well? What're you waiting for?"
The sun shined off her smile as she turned away and parted the tall grass with her slender body. I pushed past where she stood and called ahead, she only looked back and laughed with that beautiful voice of hers. A tone so intoxicating I couldn't help but smile back. With her hand held out she smiled to me again and I took her hand, her fingers fitting perfectly in between mine. Bathed in the Suns light we ran, hand in hand, through the fields. Her smile keeping my feet moving, the tone of her elegant voice propelling me forward. She came to a stop and turned to me with a smile as bright as dawn. "Looks like you kept up, huh?" she jested with a smile.
"Someone’s quiet today, leaving you speechless again?"
I went to speak but no words could do my feelings justice. But her beautiful smile did soon fade from her face, and her hand gripped mine as the light began to fade, begging mine to go. Clouds flooded the sun kissed sky, draining it of its succulent color. She moved close and kissed me above my nose, and without a word turned away. Her Hand ripped, torn away from mine. Her smile no longer was fueling my soul, her fingers no longer fitting snuggly in between mine. She disappeared into the fields, moving away through time, never once looking back as I stood still. The grass growing around me as I was unable to move, frozen in the fields of old, desperately grasping onto what once was. Forever lost, wishing for her hand in mine.
'No!" I shouted aloud, pulling myself from the Fields of Memory frozen in time I pushed past the decaying grass, desperate to reach the one who could give my soul life. The tall grass began to burn under my feet as the field behind me began to dissolve like sand to the wind. The Horizon seemed endless as the Field in front of me erupted in flames, biting at my legs so keen on bringing me to my knees. The Flames began to dye the sky, mating with the smoke giving birth to a devilish look to my once beautiful field. "What is happening?!" I heard a soft voice call out from the distance.
It only fueled my charred and tired legs to reach the source of sirens call. It was her, her beautiful smile now turned sour as she looked upon the destruction that was taking place before her gorgeous twilight eyes. "How could this have happened? William what can we do?" she pleaded to me as a small tear rolled down her smooth skin only to find its way to my hand as I dried her face.
"How could we have let this get so out of hand? I Love you!" she cried as I pulled her close, and for maybe the last time, our lips embraced creating such a burst of warmth the soothed my burns and the ache in my body. Her kiss a panacea, reaching into the depths of my soul, gently healing my battered and tired form of a man. "This isn't the end!" I yelled as the fields destruction came ever so close to us.
"I'll find you! Remember that, I'll find you!"
As the soft touch of her fingers left mine I watched her escape, running to the horizon safely away from dying the field. I turned, to face my demons, the past finally catching the present. The field broke away from under my feet and I fell into the unknown, tumbling Through the Twilight.
I fell through the unending darkness, embracing eternity as nothingness enveloped me. "You’re kidding, that's it?" called a voice from the twilight.
"You promised her."
The voice played at my ears forcing my attention. "No" I said aloud.
My voice echoing into the never ending abyss. "I won't lose her."
"Good." said the voice, so full of glee.
I felt my body slow as the emptiness around me exploded with light. Something rushed up to reach my back bringing my slow decent to a close. My dark surroundings had been replaced with a dark, brooding forest. The trees twisted and grey were abominations, not trees at all. Men and Women alike consumed by their past, unable to move on were trapped here. One called out to me, his legs rooted in the lifeless ground, his arms branched out upwards desperately reaching for salvation. "You..one searching for what he has lost, due to your own mistakes. You search for..The Darkness."
The Darkness, the mention of it sent chills through my body, the mistakes of my past brought to life before my eyes to cause the ruin of my future. "You must face it..only then will you find the one you seek, you must face your demons."
My heart slowed, my legs shook, and my eye's began to water. "You will find him at the end of this corrupted wood. May God have mercy on you boy."
I rushed past the mockery of a tree and did not dare glance back. The damned called out to me. Insults, calls to help, and other just wishing to be heard. I would not become one consumed by my past, forever damned to this hellish forest of regret. "Where are you?!" I yelled.
My voice thundered through the trapped souls, only finding answer in the muddled cries of the imprisoned. The cursed wood began to grow thin, now only a vast and lifeless wasteland. "Show yourself!"
"You wish to face me?" growled a demonic voice, "You are but a man, with a stained past you can’t escape."
I faced the shadow as he manifested in front of my nervous eyes. He stood at my height, his body was that of a black cloud floating on air, only it took on the shape of a person. All the while two cat like red eyes starred right through me, daring me to run for safety. "Your past will face you boy, you were tempted once, face temptation."
The Darkness blew away like snow in the wind and a young woman replaced him. Her voluptuous body barely contained by her silk gown she moved close to me, her arms wrapping around me providing a comfort I had not felt since the field. Her body pushed against mine and her lips teasingly hovered only inches from mine, begging me to make the first move. She smiled, her long auburn hair tickling my face and her baby blue eyes inviting me into her. She was like ecstasy to me and I was a desperate addict, in need of a fix. I would not be done in by my past; I pushed her away and moved into the wasteland before me. Temptation called out to me, seducing my ears with her elegant words, but my mind was focused. I would find her, Anya, my beloved. Temptation faded and the darkness would never manifest again. Now the path was clear, I could see it, a city in the distance. There I would find her and my long journey would finally come to an end. My step picked up speed and snow began to fall, never looking back at what I left behind.
The city was old, aged by the harsh winds and the cold snow. Brick by brick the
metropolis had begun to crumble. The streets themselves were now caked with snow, not a foot print to be found. Lonely nostalgia found its way into my mind, images of my past sprang to life in front of my glassy eyes. "How long are you going to be with me?" I had asked her. She would smile back, "Forever."
The wind picked up and bit at my nose and cheeks, combing through my thick
brown hair. The emptiness of the city brought my heart closer to the ground, her home as barren as the northern pole. "It's beautiful, the field, how long can we stay?"
I looked back into her eyes, and pulled her close and kissed her gently.
"Forever," she pulled me closer our lips linking together creating a feeling of
grace that could never be matched.
"Almost, almost there." my step quickened as I parted the snow fall with my battered body. I rushed through the abandoned city streets, and could see it now. In the distance, a rose amongst weeds. Her home, so full of light and youth, it shinned in the horizon. "Anya.."
"How long are you going to be with me?"
My heart quickened with each step, and my breathe became steam before my
eyes.
"Forever"
It drew ever closer, the horizon slowly finding its way to me.
"Forever"
As I closed in on her home I threw myself forward, smashing into the battered wooden frame of a door. It buckled under my weight and collapsed. "Anya!" I called as the door fell.
"No.."
Nothing lay before me, but an empty house, echoing my heart. I had come so far.
I fell to my knees, impacting the cold, frost covered ground. Never to hold her
in my arms again, never to feel her fingers fit between mine. Then it pierced me
like a breeze of tropic air, a voice so sweet. "Will..."
I turned and my eyes glassed, "Anya.."
One more time, I can do it. My body shook under stress as I stood. The unforgiving winter air begged me to fall as I turned to run for her. As if drawn to each other like gravity we raced towards one another. I threw open my arms as did she, and embraced each other. The city around us erupted in light, as the buildings dissolved into dust a lush field took its place. The snow melted away giving birth to a soothing feeling not long forgotten. She smiled back at me, sunlight beaming off her radiant body. My heart swelled with warmth, never again to journey through the dark.