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View Full Version : You do not exist on this server


whitman
02-24-2010, 10:06 AM
Inoioioi
PrinceMyshkin
02-24-2010, 12:14 PM
Brilliant! Especially how you managed the villanelle form without ever losing the feeling of spontaneity.
hack
02-24-2010, 12:59 PM
This is wonderful!
Isitandthink
02-24-2010, 08:18 PM
Hi pardon me for my lack of understanding, but who is the persona addressing?
Is it "daydreaming,musings and castle in the air"? Haha, sorry if I sound absurd, but thats what i thought of and I ain't sure if that was the intent of the poet.
~Sophia~
02-24-2010, 08:33 PM
I want to agree with Prince and Hack because, I love the language and the fluidity of this piece but I have to also admit, I don't get it. At first I was thinking "make me a friend on facebook" but on a second and third read... I dunno. Still, it's melodic and lovely and there is no real reason for me to fully understand. Nice poem.
MorpheusSandman
02-24-2010, 10:24 PM
I think the ambiguity of the piece centers around rather the person the voice is addressing is actually dead or if the voice is just "dreaming" they've died and is talking about joining them. I'm fairly sure that "not existing on this server" is a metaphor for not existing in life anymore. I'm not entirely sure about the use of the villanelle form because I don't know if each stanza really builds or adds to the repetition which is the trademark of a villanelle.
whitman
02-25-2010, 04:03 AM
Is it "daydreaming,musings and castle in the air" yes you do sound absurd.
~Sophia~
02-25-2010, 05:49 AM
Very good... poetic contemporary art. I like what you did here!
Buh4Bee
02-25-2010, 10:40 AM
Sorry I missed my chance to comment on this one. I read it and was going to comment later, now it's too late. DANG IT!
AuntShecky
02-25-2010, 03:09 PM
--- ? ----
Bar22do
02-25-2010, 03:19 PM
me too... we sometimes need days before we can comment... why did you make it disappear??? there was some excellent thought in it, a rhythm, and beauty! but now, I do not remember... tant pis... and bravo anyway.
IJustMadeThatUp
02-25-2010, 06:58 PM
Oh good! I thought it was some bizarre new form of poetry that I understand even less than normal poetry :lol:

I kept looking at the "poem" and looking at the comments, wondering how on Earth they derived their conclusions!