The Silvered Pane Redux/The Man In the Mirror

[tailor STATELY]

What a brave face


you put on


before you look


into the mirror


As if you were


afraid you might


lose yourself


and find another

[blank|verse]

An interesting thought - it reminded me of The Beatles's 'Eleanor Rigby', specifically the lines: 'Wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door | Who is it for?'

Of course, given the subject matter, one would expect some 'mirroring' in the form of the poem itself; although that could backfire if it were too obvious. That said, I think I would have liked something more to give the poem a bit more impact. Looking closely, there are syllabic similarities between the 4th and 8th lines, which are also unstressed half-rhymes:

into the mirror
[...]
and find another
But I'm not sure how intentional that was.

I'm also unsure about 'yourself' - the focus of the poem is on the face, and suddenly to widen it to one's self weakens the poem for me. Maybe 'lose your own' or similar would retain the reader's concentration on the face.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Marvellous! and it reminds me of a disconcerting experience I had once. I was riding up on an escalator at a department store, engrossed in my thoughts. I happened to glance to my left at what I assumed was a down escalator, caught sight of a face about which I made three quick judgments: Mournful, Jewish, dissatisfied.. and after a moment, to my dismay, I realized that what I was looking at was my own face in a mirror.

[blank|verse]

Mournful, Jewish, dissatisfied..
Are you sure you're not Larry David, Prince??

[PrinceMyshkin]

Are you sure you're not Larry David, Prince??

You really know how to hurt a guy, don't you? I'd rather be, oh, Phyllis Diller than Larry David! I can't stand that sniveller.

[blank|verse]

[Quick Google-check to find out who Phyllis Diller is...]

What?? Larry David's ace! Although I can see how he can be quite divisive, so I'll say no more...

[MorpheusSandman]

I really like the piece's brevity though I can't help but echo BV's criticism as well. This is one I might turn into to a mirror cinquain or something.

Also, RE this thread: I don't know which is more disconcerting; Prince not liking Larry David (I agree with BV about his awesomeness) or BV not knowing who Phyllis Diller is!