Green Eyes

[Revolte]

I wasnt going to share this one, but im working on a poem for a friend thats taking more time then I thought, so I figured I'd post this in the meantime.




These eyes, these eyes, these eyes, as green as green can be
Seduce my inner soul, as easy as ease can be
These eyes, these eyes, these eyes, as green as green can be
Thrill lustful waking thoughts, as thrilling as thrill can be
These eyes, these eyes, these eyes, as green as green can be
Rush blood from head to toe, as rushed as rush can be
These eyes, these eyes, these eyes, as green as green can be
Awaken sleeping blood, as awake as wake can be

[MorpheusSandman]

Hmmm, perhaps it's a bit TOO repetitious. Repeating "these eyes" three times in every other line is a bit much, and perhaps it's a bit too predictable when we know ever other line is also going to be "as X as X can be". Maybe find some way to break it up or add something in between the repetitive dual lines?