Sad world

[Bandanna]

Sad World
Lay sweet upon my chest
heavy with all the things
that make and fill you up.
You cry and cut yourself down
and the waters ripple cross frown.
I shouted world, as you wept

Without your eyes
the ocean haven't depth,
and for not your hair
autumn forests never here.
Without your skin
the moon never shine white,
and for not your voice
there no song of birds,
nor rush of wind.

If you leave from me
God hath little world to watch.
And I, none to see.




Gave this to my special some one for valentines day. It may be a bit too sentimental but at least it is really sweet.

[MorpheusSandman]

This is a really sweet piece but I was a little put off by the archaic diction in the second stanza (I know, I'm not one to really talk because I abuse archaicisms like nobody's business!). But I don't think this is a piece that benefits from convoluted word order and the somewhat remoteness that it can bring. Some of it's just plain awkward. But otherwise the language and sentiment is lovely.