sc9108
02-18-2010, 12:35 AM
OK, short synopsis.
Miles is having a repeating dream where his visiting his own grave. He's father recently past away and his mother is still very hurt.
He's father loved hearing him play the piano and Miles' mum is making him enter a competition in his fathers memory.
Miles doesn't want this but as his mother is still so emotionally unstable he can't do anything but go along with it. They need the prize money because of the debt through the lessons he is taking.
Short version.
Alot of little things happen on the way like with any story, but its very dark.
Hope you like it !
Let us know your thoughts.
So this is what I have so far for the script. Please give your feedback I'm thinking of sending it to a Uni as part of my portfolio.
SUMMER PRELUDE
Sean Crotty
This film is set in the summer time countryside,
to contrast the story being told.
Miles.
Male 17-20, quiet and thinks a lot.
Chooses words carefully.
Mum.
Females 50s, cold and hostile,
strong worded and means them all.
Jack.
Male 12-14, strong minded.
Teacher.
Female 40s, loud and artistic.
(1)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
ACTORS-Miles
SIDE ON SHOT OF ALL THE BED
Miles is lying on the bed smoking a cigarette. The lamp shade from the bedside table next to him is illuminating his face from one side, he slowly gets up and stubs the cigarette out in an ashtray on the table. Then sits on the edge of the bed.
[LOOKS AWAY.]
[PAUSE.]
[LOOKS INTO CAMERA.]
Miles ''Recently, I've had trouble sleeping...''
[LOOKS AWAY.]
''I'm having this dream every time I fall asleep.''
(2)
LOCATION-Countryside church
TIME-Day
ACTORS-Miles
[BLACK AND WHITE]
See Miles from a distance walking up a countryside road into the church.
NARRATING Miles ''It always begins the same, I'm walking to our local church holding a bunch of flowers. I walk up this path... I can hear and feel the stones scraping together under my feet as I walk.''
See him from a distance walking to a grave then stopping.
See the grave then him kneeling putting down flowers onto the grave.
Miles ''I walk over to my dads grave, and I can smell the flowers as I put them down.''
CLOSE UP See him standing up and coming into shot as he does.
Miles ''I can hear the trees in the wind, and almost taste the air.''
CLOSE UP (Same shot) He closes his eyes then lowers his head.
Miles ''I close my eyes and as I look back the name on the headstone has changed.''
See the headstone changed with his name on it.
Miles ''I'm standing over my own grave.''
CLOSE UP of him again this time extreme of the eyes.
(3)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
ACTORS-Miles
See him lying on bed with head up on the pillows looking towards the end of bed. Light still illuminating his face.
Miles ''Then I realize''[TURNING LOOKING INTO CAMERA]... I'm dead [EYES DRIFT][PAUSE][LOOKS AWAY AGAIN]
... and for once I'm completely calm [QUIET LAUGH], I'm happy..I'm almost relieved,The quiet nothingness is bliss.[TURN TO CAMERA] but then,I wake up [NODS][LOOKS AWAY], and I'm scared [SPEAKS QUIETER], I'm frightened, I'm alone.''
[LEANS BACK INTO PILLOW]
(4)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Day
ACTORS-Miles,Teacher
See Miles sitting on stall playing the piano, you can't see he's hands just his upper body, the teacher is out of shot but can be heard throughout.(song Chopin op 28 no 4 e minor)
Teacher ''Stop.. stop,[MILES STOPS AND LOOKS TO HER] wrong. Start again just the intro please.''
Miles pauses as he looks back at the keys
Then plays intro, then finishes and pauses looking at the keys on the piano then turns to look at her.
Teacher quietly ''Better, much better.''
She gets up and walks behind him across the room. Walking passed Miles and across the room.
Teacher loudly ''Now onces more all the way through this time please''
Miles looking up listening. Then looks down and starts to play.
(5)
LOCATION-HOME
TIME-DAY
ACTORS-Miles
Outside on the driveway, see the teacher leaving the house, then walking to her car and getting in and starting the engine then driving away.
(6)
LOCATION-HOME
TIME-DAY
ACTORS-Miles
See Miles looking out the window [HEAR ENGINE NOISE ETC]
Then he slowly walks off.
(7)
LOCATION-CHURCH
TIME-DAY
ACTORS-Miles,Jack
See Miles sitting alone on a bench in the grave yard smoking.
Hear a bike approaching.
[JACK SITS DOWN.]
Miles ''What are you doing here ? Does mum know you've come here ?''
Jack ''I told her I was coming to see you. I brought your lunch.''
[JACK HANDS A BAG WITH SANDWICH IN.]
Miles ''Thank you.''
[PAUSE]
Jack ''..What do you think happens when you die ?''
[PAUSE]
Miles ''What'd you mean ?''
Jack ''Well what happens after your dead.''
[PAUSE]
Miles''Well...''
Miles ''Well, you don't die until your really old and wrinkled, and you've done everything you needed and wanted to do here. So you die.. and then get to be with everyone you've lost.''
[BITES INTO SANDWICH]
Jack ''But why do people who haven't done everything they needed to die.''
[PAUSE]
Miles ''I don't know.''
Jack ''Thats what happened to dad isn't it ?''
Miles ''I suppose so yeah.''
[PAUSE]
Jack ''Mum told me to tell you you've got to be back soon to rehearse.''
[GETS UP AND PULLS BIKE UP]
Jack ''Bye''
Miles ''Bye''
(8)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Day
See Miles playing the Piano, Mum out of shot.
Mum ''You need more lessons.''
Miles ''We can't afford any more, I just need to practice.''
Mum ''You'll never be good enough for the contest if you don't get more lessons.''
Miles ''Well maybe I shouldn't enter.''
[PAUSE]
Mum ''You know how much your father loved hearing you play, it'd mean so much to him. Your entering this year thats final.''
Miles ''I don't enjoy it anymore. I only enjoyed playing it then, because that was the only time he'd spend with me.''
Mum ''Miles stop being so self obsessed for once in your life. This isn't just about you, you know the prize money would help to pay for the extra lessons you've been having. And it'd mean so much to your father if you won.''
Miles ''His dead mum, and nothing will change that.''
[SHE SLAPS HIM SHARPLY IN THE FACE.]
[PAUSE]
Mum quietly ''Just keep playing.''
She gets up and walks to the door, turning and looking at Miles.
Then holding door handle.
Mum at door way ''Stay in here and practice... I'll call you for dinner when its done.''
She closes the door.
[PAUSE]
Miles sits there and then starts to play.
(9)
LOCATION-Home/Dinner table
TIME-Night
Scene is very quiet and every tap on the plates can be heard.
All talking very quietly.
All sitting around the table.
Mum ''Bless O Lord, this food to our use,
And us to thy loving service;
And make us ever mindful of the needs of others,
For Jesus' sake. Amen.''
They all start to eat when Jack looks at his mum.
Jack ''Why do we say a prayer to god before we eat ?''
Mum quietly ''Because he provided this meal for us, and we should be thankful to him for many things, like our good health.''
Jack ''But he killed dad, why do we have to thank him.''
Miles looks at his mum.
[PAUSE]
(10)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
Miles is lying on his bed looking towards camera.
You can hear his mum in the other room crying.
(11)
LOCATION-Garden
TIME-Morning
CLOSE UP See mum at washing line. Shes clipping white bedding on the line.
See Miles walk through pushing a sheet out of his way.
Miles ''Mum...''
[SHE STOPS AND TURNS TO HIM]
Miles ''I just wanted to tell you... I'll do it... I'll enter the contest, I'll do my best for dad.''
[SHE SMILES THEN CARRIES ON]
[PAUSE]
(12)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Day
Miles finishes playing a song.
[SEE JACK WALK IN AND SIT NEXT TO HIM.]
Miles ''Hey.''
Jack ''Why are you doing this ?''
Miles ''Because it makes mum happy.''
Jack ''But you don't like playing, you told me.''
Miles ''I know... But, mums having a tough time.''
Jack ''I don't think I believe in god anymore.''
Miles ''Me neither.''
[PAUSE]
[SMILES AT HIM.]
Miles ''Do you want to play ?''
[PLAYS SONG]
(13)
LOCATION-Graveyard
TIME-Day
Miles laying flowers down on dads grave. Same as in his dream,
then he walks on inside the church.
(14)
LOCATION-Church
TIME-Day
See him walk in then sit down at the front of the church.
[PAUSE]
Miles ''You used to bring me here... You always used to watch me when I was playing the piano for the choir [SMILES].... It feels strange being here again..... Mums trying to be strong but underneath it, shes just as weak as me or Jack...
She wants me to play at a concert for you, I don't want to though.. Its not the same without you teaching me, she hired this expensive teacher to take your place. Its not the same I can't learn without you... Nothings the same anymore...Why did you have to die [STARTS CRYING] You didn't do anything wrong..You were the kindest person I knew, but still that barstard toke you from us.. You always told us to believe in god.. But why did he do this to you.. To us...''
He stands up emotional. He walks into the aisle then spits on the floor.
Miles ''Well thats what I think of god.''
[WALKS OUT]
(15)
LOCATION-Home
TIME-Night
Completely dark only light from TV shining on mum.
Light from hallway lighting Miles.
Mum sleeping in arm chair with empty bottle of alcohol and photo to her chest.
See miles stand at doorway. He walks over to her quietly and gets a throw and puts it over her, She wakes up.
Mum smiling ''Thank you darling.''
Miles ''Its ok.'' [GETTING PILLOW]
Mum ''No...Your good to me.'' sadly but smiling
[KNEELING BY HER]
Mum ''I called your uncles and aunts today, they're all coming to see you play they're very excited.''
Miles ''That'll be nice.''
Mum ''Your going to win for your dad I know it.''
[PAUSE]
Miles ''I'll let you sleep mum.''
[MILES WALKS OUT.]
Mum asleep mutters ''I love you Miles.''
(16)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Night
See Miles playing in the dark just the light from the doorway coming in.
(17)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
See Miles lying on bed. CLOSE UP Smoking a cigarette.
(18)
LOCATION-Garden
TIME-Morning
Sun incredibly bright.
Miles kneeling down by picket fence. Holding a hammer in his hand,
see him grabbing a nail from a box and hammering it in to the fence.
He stops and looks at his hand resting on the fence.
He carries on then holds hand out flat and slams the hammer into his finger.
(19)
LOCATION-Garden
TIME-Day
CLOSE UP See mum lying in deck chair. Miles walks over and casts a shadow on her.
[SLOWLY GETS UP]
Mum ''What happened ?''Shocked
Miles ''I was putting extra nails on the loose boards in the fence, the hammer slipped. I can't move or feel it.''
Mum ''Let me see.''
Miles ''It feels really weird.''
Mum ''We need to get you to a doctor.''
(20)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
Miles on bed with finger bandaged up.
Hear mum in other room talking.
'Lord Jesus Christ,
I ask today that you forgive me in my life.
I know that You will give me the strength to
forgive and I thank You for that, You love me more
than I love myself and you want my happiness more than
I desire it for myself.
Father, I forgive you for the times death has come into the family, hard times, [BREAKING DOWN.]
financial difficulties, or what I thought were punishments
sent by You and people said, "It’s God’s will," and I
become bitter and resentful toward You.
And for that I'm truly sorry.
Please forgive me and my family. Amen.''
(21)
LOCATION-Church
TIME-Day
[Same as dream]
See mum walking to a grave with flowers.
Miles is having a repeating dream where his visiting his own grave. He's father recently past away and his mother is still very hurt.
He's father loved hearing him play the piano and Miles' mum is making him enter a competition in his fathers memory.
Miles doesn't want this but as his mother is still so emotionally unstable he can't do anything but go along with it. They need the prize money because of the debt through the lessons he is taking.
Short version.
Alot of little things happen on the way like with any story, but its very dark.
Hope you like it !
Let us know your thoughts.
So this is what I have so far for the script. Please give your feedback I'm thinking of sending it to a Uni as part of my portfolio.
SUMMER PRELUDE
Sean Crotty
This film is set in the summer time countryside,
to contrast the story being told.
Miles.
Male 17-20, quiet and thinks a lot.
Chooses words carefully.
Mum.
Females 50s, cold and hostile,
strong worded and means them all.
Jack.
Male 12-14, strong minded.
Teacher.
Female 40s, loud and artistic.
(1)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
ACTORS-Miles
SIDE ON SHOT OF ALL THE BED
Miles is lying on the bed smoking a cigarette. The lamp shade from the bedside table next to him is illuminating his face from one side, he slowly gets up and stubs the cigarette out in an ashtray on the table. Then sits on the edge of the bed.
[LOOKS AWAY.]
[PAUSE.]
[LOOKS INTO CAMERA.]
Miles ''Recently, I've had trouble sleeping...''
[LOOKS AWAY.]
''I'm having this dream every time I fall asleep.''
(2)
LOCATION-Countryside church
TIME-Day
ACTORS-Miles
[BLACK AND WHITE]
See Miles from a distance walking up a countryside road into the church.
NARRATING Miles ''It always begins the same, I'm walking to our local church holding a bunch of flowers. I walk up this path... I can hear and feel the stones scraping together under my feet as I walk.''
See him from a distance walking to a grave then stopping.
See the grave then him kneeling putting down flowers onto the grave.
Miles ''I walk over to my dads grave, and I can smell the flowers as I put them down.''
CLOSE UP See him standing up and coming into shot as he does.
Miles ''I can hear the trees in the wind, and almost taste the air.''
CLOSE UP (Same shot) He closes his eyes then lowers his head.
Miles ''I close my eyes and as I look back the name on the headstone has changed.''
See the headstone changed with his name on it.
Miles ''I'm standing over my own grave.''
CLOSE UP of him again this time extreme of the eyes.
(3)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
ACTORS-Miles
See him lying on bed with head up on the pillows looking towards the end of bed. Light still illuminating his face.
Miles ''Then I realize''[TURNING LOOKING INTO CAMERA]... I'm dead [EYES DRIFT][PAUSE][LOOKS AWAY AGAIN]
... and for once I'm completely calm [QUIET LAUGH], I'm happy..I'm almost relieved,The quiet nothingness is bliss.[TURN TO CAMERA] but then,I wake up [NODS][LOOKS AWAY], and I'm scared [SPEAKS QUIETER], I'm frightened, I'm alone.''
[LEANS BACK INTO PILLOW]
(4)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Day
ACTORS-Miles,Teacher
See Miles sitting on stall playing the piano, you can't see he's hands just his upper body, the teacher is out of shot but can be heard throughout.(song Chopin op 28 no 4 e minor)
Teacher ''Stop.. stop,[MILES STOPS AND LOOKS TO HER] wrong. Start again just the intro please.''
Miles pauses as he looks back at the keys
Then plays intro, then finishes and pauses looking at the keys on the piano then turns to look at her.
Teacher quietly ''Better, much better.''
She gets up and walks behind him across the room. Walking passed Miles and across the room.
Teacher loudly ''Now onces more all the way through this time please''
Miles looking up listening. Then looks down and starts to play.
(5)
LOCATION-HOME
TIME-DAY
ACTORS-Miles
Outside on the driveway, see the teacher leaving the house, then walking to her car and getting in and starting the engine then driving away.
(6)
LOCATION-HOME
TIME-DAY
ACTORS-Miles
See Miles looking out the window [HEAR ENGINE NOISE ETC]
Then he slowly walks off.
(7)
LOCATION-CHURCH
TIME-DAY
ACTORS-Miles,Jack
See Miles sitting alone on a bench in the grave yard smoking.
Hear a bike approaching.
[JACK SITS DOWN.]
Miles ''What are you doing here ? Does mum know you've come here ?''
Jack ''I told her I was coming to see you. I brought your lunch.''
[JACK HANDS A BAG WITH SANDWICH IN.]
Miles ''Thank you.''
[PAUSE]
Jack ''..What do you think happens when you die ?''
[PAUSE]
Miles ''What'd you mean ?''
Jack ''Well what happens after your dead.''
[PAUSE]
Miles''Well...''
Miles ''Well, you don't die until your really old and wrinkled, and you've done everything you needed and wanted to do here. So you die.. and then get to be with everyone you've lost.''
[BITES INTO SANDWICH]
Jack ''But why do people who haven't done everything they needed to die.''
[PAUSE]
Miles ''I don't know.''
Jack ''Thats what happened to dad isn't it ?''
Miles ''I suppose so yeah.''
[PAUSE]
Jack ''Mum told me to tell you you've got to be back soon to rehearse.''
[GETS UP AND PULLS BIKE UP]
Jack ''Bye''
Miles ''Bye''
(8)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Day
See Miles playing the Piano, Mum out of shot.
Mum ''You need more lessons.''
Miles ''We can't afford any more, I just need to practice.''
Mum ''You'll never be good enough for the contest if you don't get more lessons.''
Miles ''Well maybe I shouldn't enter.''
[PAUSE]
Mum ''You know how much your father loved hearing you play, it'd mean so much to him. Your entering this year thats final.''
Miles ''I don't enjoy it anymore. I only enjoyed playing it then, because that was the only time he'd spend with me.''
Mum ''Miles stop being so self obsessed for once in your life. This isn't just about you, you know the prize money would help to pay for the extra lessons you've been having. And it'd mean so much to your father if you won.''
Miles ''His dead mum, and nothing will change that.''
[SHE SLAPS HIM SHARPLY IN THE FACE.]
[PAUSE]
Mum quietly ''Just keep playing.''
She gets up and walks to the door, turning and looking at Miles.
Then holding door handle.
Mum at door way ''Stay in here and practice... I'll call you for dinner when its done.''
She closes the door.
[PAUSE]
Miles sits there and then starts to play.
(9)
LOCATION-Home/Dinner table
TIME-Night
Scene is very quiet and every tap on the plates can be heard.
All talking very quietly.
All sitting around the table.
Mum ''Bless O Lord, this food to our use,
And us to thy loving service;
And make us ever mindful of the needs of others,
For Jesus' sake. Amen.''
They all start to eat when Jack looks at his mum.
Jack ''Why do we say a prayer to god before we eat ?''
Mum quietly ''Because he provided this meal for us, and we should be thankful to him for many things, like our good health.''
Jack ''But he killed dad, why do we have to thank him.''
Miles looks at his mum.
[PAUSE]
(10)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
Miles is lying on his bed looking towards camera.
You can hear his mum in the other room crying.
(11)
LOCATION-Garden
TIME-Morning
CLOSE UP See mum at washing line. Shes clipping white bedding on the line.
See Miles walk through pushing a sheet out of his way.
Miles ''Mum...''
[SHE STOPS AND TURNS TO HIM]
Miles ''I just wanted to tell you... I'll do it... I'll enter the contest, I'll do my best for dad.''
[SHE SMILES THEN CARRIES ON]
[PAUSE]
(12)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Day
Miles finishes playing a song.
[SEE JACK WALK IN AND SIT NEXT TO HIM.]
Miles ''Hey.''
Jack ''Why are you doing this ?''
Miles ''Because it makes mum happy.''
Jack ''But you don't like playing, you told me.''
Miles ''I know... But, mums having a tough time.''
Jack ''I don't think I believe in god anymore.''
Miles ''Me neither.''
[PAUSE]
[SMILES AT HIM.]
Miles ''Do you want to play ?''
[PLAYS SONG]
(13)
LOCATION-Graveyard
TIME-Day
Miles laying flowers down on dads grave. Same as in his dream,
then he walks on inside the church.
(14)
LOCATION-Church
TIME-Day
See him walk in then sit down at the front of the church.
[PAUSE]
Miles ''You used to bring me here... You always used to watch me when I was playing the piano for the choir [SMILES].... It feels strange being here again..... Mums trying to be strong but underneath it, shes just as weak as me or Jack...
She wants me to play at a concert for you, I don't want to though.. Its not the same without you teaching me, she hired this expensive teacher to take your place. Its not the same I can't learn without you... Nothings the same anymore...Why did you have to die [STARTS CRYING] You didn't do anything wrong..You were the kindest person I knew, but still that barstard toke you from us.. You always told us to believe in god.. But why did he do this to you.. To us...''
He stands up emotional. He walks into the aisle then spits on the floor.
Miles ''Well thats what I think of god.''
[WALKS OUT]
(15)
LOCATION-Home
TIME-Night
Completely dark only light from TV shining on mum.
Light from hallway lighting Miles.
Mum sleeping in arm chair with empty bottle of alcohol and photo to her chest.
See miles stand at doorway. He walks over to her quietly and gets a throw and puts it over her, She wakes up.
Mum smiling ''Thank you darling.''
Miles ''Its ok.'' [GETTING PILLOW]
Mum ''No...Your good to me.'' sadly but smiling
[KNEELING BY HER]
Mum ''I called your uncles and aunts today, they're all coming to see you play they're very excited.''
Miles ''That'll be nice.''
Mum ''Your going to win for your dad I know it.''
[PAUSE]
Miles ''I'll let you sleep mum.''
[MILES WALKS OUT.]
Mum asleep mutters ''I love you Miles.''
(16)
LOCATION-Piano room
TIME-Night
See Miles playing in the dark just the light from the doorway coming in.
(17)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
See Miles lying on bed. CLOSE UP Smoking a cigarette.
(18)
LOCATION-Garden
TIME-Morning
Sun incredibly bright.
Miles kneeling down by picket fence. Holding a hammer in his hand,
see him grabbing a nail from a box and hammering it in to the fence.
He stops and looks at his hand resting on the fence.
He carries on then holds hand out flat and slams the hammer into his finger.
(19)
LOCATION-Garden
TIME-Day
CLOSE UP See mum lying in deck chair. Miles walks over and casts a shadow on her.
[SLOWLY GETS UP]
Mum ''What happened ?''Shocked
Miles ''I was putting extra nails on the loose boards in the fence, the hammer slipped. I can't move or feel it.''
Mum ''Let me see.''
Miles ''It feels really weird.''
Mum ''We need to get you to a doctor.''
(20)
LOCATION-Bedroom
TIME-Night
Miles on bed with finger bandaged up.
Hear mum in other room talking.
'Lord Jesus Christ,
I ask today that you forgive me in my life.
I know that You will give me the strength to
forgive and I thank You for that, You love me more
than I love myself and you want my happiness more than
I desire it for myself.
Father, I forgive you for the times death has come into the family, hard times, [BREAKING DOWN.]
financial difficulties, or what I thought were punishments
sent by You and people said, "It’s God’s will," and I
become bitter and resentful toward You.
And for that I'm truly sorry.
Please forgive me and my family. Amen.''
(21)
LOCATION-Church
TIME-Day
[Same as dream]
See mum walking to a grave with flowers.