Yellow Rose

[TestingTesting]

Yellow Rose

The yellow rose, withered away,
No one came, to take it away.
It does not live, it’s not even nice.
It’s long dead, yet still by my side.

Long it was, since I viewed it fair,
Heeded it from frost, my lovely Eyre.
But now it’s over, yet, out of pride,
Or a lack of might, still, by my side.

Dear friend, please tell me why!
Why are we blind, why do we lie?
If it’s over, in which we believed,
Why brood, why feel so deceived?

I believe, I know now – yes.
Think about it, it’s not hard – oh, no.

Now she left, but the rose still here,
Yellow rose, of my sweet dream.
Old woe! Does not live, not even nice.
It’s long dead, yet still by my side.

The yellow rose, long withered away,
Shan’t a girl come, to take it away.
But I confess, that I have no might,
To grab the plant, and throw it out.

Dear friend, please tell me why!
Why are we blind, why do we lie?
If it’s over, in which we believed,
Why brood, why feel so deceived?

I believe, I know now – yes.
Think about it, it’s not hard – oh, no.





Anyone felt like this before? :banghead:

[Delta40]

Mmmm. I can't help but think that you're a talented composer but the rhyming thing...(not that I am expert) puts me off as it stunts the creative flow that you seem to be releasing

I hope this helps.

[TestingTesting]

I'm noticing that as I'm reading the topic in this forum, that people tend to avoid rhyming... and critics tend to disfavor it, as opposed to often structureless, meter-less, rhythm-less utterings... maybe we consider random, informal poems more profound, more artistic? Well... its certainly easier to write, since you dont have to worry about making your poem rhyme and have a meter/rhythm... certainly more unique and creative... or is it? Well I certainly don't have an answer...

But I agree with you Delta in one thing... something does stunt the creative flow; however I don't think it is the "rhyming thing," the poem simply is not very creative... replacing the rhyming words would solve nothing. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm noticing that as I'm reading the topic in this forum, that people tend to avoid rhyming... and critics tend to disfavor it, as opposed to often structureless, meter-less, rhythm-less utterings... maybe we consider random, informal poems more profound, more artistic? Well... its certainly easier to write, since you dont have to worry about making your poem rhyme and have a meter/rhythm... certainly more unique and creative... or is it? Well I certainly don't have an answer...

But I agree with you Delta in one thing... something does stunt the creative flow; however I don't think it is the "rhyming thing," the poem simply is not very creative... replacing the rhyming words would solve nothing. :)

Without trying to defend the free verse here or elsewhere - in which I almost invariably write - I would srgue that it's the "worrying" over meeting your chosen obligation to meter and end-rhyme that too often shows through and distracts one from the content. And need I add that old nugget about how in poetry, content and form ought to be one.

[MorpheusSandman]

There are some people around here who are definitely averse to end-rhyme couplets and definite, classical forms and meter and anarchisms but I'm not one of them. I find it a great challenge to compose in rhyme in classic form and still make them feel relevant; modern and classical at the same time. You can read any of my numerous sonnets around here or a piece like this (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?p=833286) which uses a free-tetrameter verse in loose, couplet form. But I'm with Delta in that this is a piece where the rhyme is distracting rather than enhancing. I also think this whole piece is a bit too archaic without offering anything that feels modern or fresh. While I think it's possible to compose in an entirely neo-classical diction I think it helps if you throw in some link to modernity if only to provide a contrast and make it feel somewhat fresh instead of feeling like someone's reading a lost poem from the by-gone centuries.

[blank|verse]

I agree with what's been said. With poetry, and particularly when you're using rhyme, you want to be in control of the poetry - here it's obvious that the poetry is controlling you as you fight to match the rhymes.

Try reading other poems that use the ballad form, some of which only rhyme lines 2 and 4, which gives you some freedom. You also might like Christina Rossetti's famous 'Goblin Market', which your poem reminded me of. I think it's always better to read poems in books, but here's a good website with the poem:

Goblin Market (http://http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/crossetti/gobmarket.html)

She uses a mix of cross-rhymes and couplets (paired rhyming lines) and there isn't a steady metre but the overall effect is very hypnotic.

As for free-verse, there are still 'rules' which govern writing in that form - it's just that often you have to make up the rules yourself, sometimes for each individual poem. In some ways, that makes it more difficult than writing to a set form, like a ballad.