Star Gazer

[Buh4Bee]

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[PrinceMyshkin]

Lovely conclusion to this after the anxieties of the first stanzas.

[MorpheusSandman]

It's a wonderful idea but I think I would've preferred to develop the birth-as-universe metaphor more and refrain from images like "to fall like a shot arrow" which seems to bring the imagery much more down to earth. There's also something lacking in the form and progression but I can't quite put my finger on it... I think maybe it would've been better to start small and really build up to the birth; maybe begin more abstract, mysterious, and then end with something that's more sober, tangible, dry, obvious, etc.

[Buh4Bee]

I can see what you are saying Morpheus. I think this is a bad example of posting something that is personal and the reader needs more background to understand. There were some questionable moments in the birthing process.

It was written quickly and I came to a point when I felt it was done. It's not meant to be published.

Morpheus and Prince, thanks for your replies.