Euphemism

[TestingTesting]

Euphemism

Sing, O goddess, my destructive hate,
For the war is here, the enemy at the gate,
Cries of agony, shouts of wrath animate.
And the bottomless pit, still empty as a prate.

The confined souls, once dormant now spry,
From the depths of Hades a roar they cry,
Unleashing the entity that fills the sky.
Comfort, content, and delight – good-bye!

And after the thunder cometh the rain,
But He sendeth it not; the unjust still restrain.
With every muscle contracted, I fire the final raid.
But all in vain, the enemy still presses against my gate.

Then I recall the old sage’s command: “In courage
Keep your heart, in strength lift up your hand”.
No easy hopes or lies shall bring me to my goal,
But iron sacrifice: a manual disimpaction of my **ool.



First post, yay!!

What do you guys think of this poem?

*Hint: look at the shape :yawnb:

[PrinceMyshkin]

The shape, alas, did nothing for me, but then I'm averse to concrete poetry, but the sentiment moved me, especially the line


Comfort, content, and delight – good-bye!

[MorpheusSandman]

Haha! I kept waiting for the "euphemism" and you finally delivered with that last line. That's a rather elaborately developed metaphor all for a scatological joke (but hey, Milton and Shakespeare wasn't above it; why should we be?). My only suggestion would be that if you're going to use end rhymes you have to familiarize yourself with rhythm and meter because end-rhymes create expectation and expectation is carried by meter and when the meter is this varied it throws the reader's attention off.

[TestingTesting]

Great advice mate, thanks.

Although, I didn't want to bother too much with form, especially meter (and since I'm new to composing, these things don't come naturally to me yet), since it is really just a pun... nothing serious... nothing that I would spend too much time on. But again, thanks.. I will keep that in mind when composing serious stuff.

Regarding the shape... doesn't it vaguely resemble a toilet??

[MorpheusSandman]

eh, I don't think I would ever see a toilet in the shape of the text. But you should really always pay attention to meter when using end-rhymes. You really can't get away with the latter without the former.