ainjim
02-15-2010, 02:51 AM
The day he won
He started to move with the worry of stumbling filling his soul. He is in marred intermixture feelings of fear, confusion, anger and shyness .His bent looks on the ground were not searching for a place for his feet between the two rows of chairs where he was sitting, but they were meant to avoid the staring eyes that surrounded him from both sides like ghosts in a horror movie.
If it happens and he stumbled again, he will leave the hall immediately and perhaps the company and the whole city... He cannot bear the scornful looks and mockery smiles any longer, enough is enough. It will be impossible for him to bear more, and he has to put an end to the suffering endured since his childhood. If he does not do something to stop them now, in this occasion in particular, he will remain prisoner of his own weakness and would be impossible for him to confront others and defeat them. He will lose forever his self-confidence and his pride in his abilities and intelligence.
He reached the end of the row safely, and walked few steps towards the podium and paused. Then he turned his face towards the crowd slowly. He looked at the faces in front of him before taking the two small steps to the podium, and stands next to the manager.
The manager welcomed him taking him by hand and began to speak to the audience. He talked about him and his achievements since he started his job in the company. He talked about his diligence in creating ways to facilitate work and improve its quality. He talked about his ethics and his good dealing with his colleagues. Then he talked in figures about his role in the accomplishments of the company. The manager was talking eagerly… While he was looking at the faces that were gazing at him, his thoughts took him away from the speech. The voices faded slowly in his ears. And he began to see in the faces of those present, the same faces and expressions of contempt which he had accustomed and were confronting him. The faces he had lived with all his life. The same ridiculous smiles and anticipation of a fault, which gave rise to laughter outburst at him at any accidental slip he does, no matter how simple it is. Although such slips may occur with every single one of them a thousand times a day without causing such guffaws between them.
He felt fire inside his chest as he was looking in the eyes in front of him. A challenging voice was crying out deeply in his heart "Today is the final duel between you and me. You will be defeated, and I will win. I must win. Now it is my first and last chance. I will not shut up and swallow the insult, which was torturing me and slitting my throat from vein to vein any more. Anger eats me each time I do not react immediately. I could not find compelling answer at the right moment but after hours of sufferings. I was embarrassed and kept my anger inside my heart. This was what made you insult me boldly. This will not happen anymore"
The sharp challenge was radiating from his eyes. The provocation was boiling inside him, and a call of challenge was mocking his enemies "Who are you? And what are you comparing to me? I know you all one by one. I know your weaknesses, your failures, and your deficiencies. I know the level of your abilities which can never match mine, no matter what your allegations may be. I know that you are more competent than me in marketing yourselves… empty claims and false words… nothing real and sincere demonstrates the possibility of having any ability, education, knowledge or culture. "
I admit and acknowledge that you are more able to market yourselves. I do not praise myself and my capabilities and boast my potentials in front of my supervisors. I did not even talk about them .I preferred to let my qualifications prove their worth through work and in production as deeds are louder than words. I let others discover them and praise them. I do not claim potentials I do not posses, as you do. I used to be ashamed whenever I hear you bragging about your false potentials as if I am the one who deceives others and manipulated them the truth, as if I was the one who is deluding himself.
Many times I was wondering how you could face yourselves, when any one of you stands in front of a mirror, and sees his face, what he may tell himself? Does he congratulate himself because he succeeded in deceiving others? Or does he despise himself because he claimed what he does not posses. I do not think any one of you may ask oneself such questions”.
His feelings of contempt and disregard for those hatred envious faces in front of him pushed him to anger. He saw in those faces the features of his old class mates in school, and some of the students at the university who had long despised and envied him. The comparison which was now carried out inside him between them and himself pushed him to an acute sense that he is far better than them all. This comparison almost took him to feeling of self-esteem and even to arrogance.
He continued to stare in their eyes one by one. At every fast pause he spent with any of them a glimpse of an incident crosses his mind. Sometimes, it is an ironical word that hurt his feelings and left him suffering from anger with the one who said it. Another one was a memory of mockery or disgraced look. The other one was an indifferent glance that inflamed him. Many eyes and more faces and many more incidents were coming across his mind. His eyes were moving from one to another quickly. What was queer about his countenance is a wry defiant smile on his face all the time. And a call repeats with his heart beatings "Today is the day of battle. Today is the final day. I'll show you who you are and who I am."
But in a moment the chain of his thoughts was interrupted. Among dozens of faces his staring eyes had passed over he stopped by certain eyes which had intrigued him. They were her astonishing wide black eyes.
When they met coincidently in the corridor on her first day in the company he was confused .He kept looking at her for a long time, stunned by her bright white face with a light red cheeks and rosy lips. Her eyes were shadowed with a light blue shed drown to the end of her eyelids. Her crescent-like large eyebrow extended to occupy its place in the most beautiful brow.
He did not realize what had happened to him, but unconsciously he found himself saying ’Hey, God.” He wanted to say “gracious the God”, but his throat had swallowed the words. For his good fortune they were alone.(What?) Her response was, but not without condemnation. He was not able to respond and left the room immediately. He had promised himself not to raise his eyes to her when they meet again. And he remained so for the last three months. He tried to convince himself that it was enough for him he kept her image in his heart. He had memorized the details of her beauty. But whenever he was alone in his office or at home, he was severely blaming himself for his passivity. But every time he promised himself that he will take steps towards her when he meets her on the following day, his fear and confusion baffled his intentions.
She had felt with her woman’s senses which do not make mistakes in such matters, how much he is interested in her, even when he was trying to avoid her. She also recognized his true personality. Her senses told her that although he seems an enclosed person, he is a man of strong personality and this will come out at any moment.
She is there now. He continued to look at her courageously not like before. Is this a part of the duel, which he will fight with everybody today? He wondered smiling to himself” what else?”
She was staring at him with grief and tenderness. Her beautiful face was showing her concern for him and fears that he makes a mistake in this delicate situation. But in spite of the shadow of sadness over her face, her beautiful lips were carrying a smile of encouragement.
He turned to the manager who had just finished his speech and was calling on him to say some words. When he moved to the microphone he paused awhile. His glance was surveying the crowed in front of him and he began to speak.
When he heard his own voice he was surprised. The voice that was calm and bold. It has a merry tune and not a tune of challenge and fury. It was not the voice of that shy, confused person, or that angry, furious man. As if there was another man who speaks in his tongue.
He thanked the manager and the company on its initiative to encourage employees. He then turned to the manager and said “what I wanted to emphasize here is that I am not the only one who deserve this reward and this honor. Actually, the people who deserve them are those sitting in front of you. This wonderful group, every one of them provided his full potentials for the success which had been achieved…without them nothing could have been achieved. The work is not based on one individual, and no one can claim it for himself. It is teamwork. I am here on behalf of my colleagues to receive the reward hoping that the prize would be used to hold a dinner party at a luxurious place for all our staff.
All of the audience was surprised. A heavy silence fell upon the hall for a minute and then a storm of applause exploded suddenly mixed with voices of praise were heard loud. Everyone was speaking at the same time.
In the middle of this confusion, his eyes were focusing on her. The joy on her face adds to her beauty and flushness of her cheeks. And among the voices of welcome and praise he heard her musical voice laughing and applauding.
When he was descending the stairs towards his seat, he was a different man. He was a man who is self-confident leaving the confused man behind as a new character has been born just then.
He knew that he had won the duel. He and the others knew that he had won the day. But he was alone who knew the reason of his victory. He knew that he had defeated them just because he had triumphed over himself at the first place. He won because he overcome his hatred for them and left his arrogance and selfishness behind.
Also he knew, from her smile and her eyes at him all the time that this victory made him won the Grand Prix.
ainjim
Iraqi journalist
The Arabic version in 1992
Amman 2010
He started to move with the worry of stumbling filling his soul. He is in marred intermixture feelings of fear, confusion, anger and shyness .His bent looks on the ground were not searching for a place for his feet between the two rows of chairs where he was sitting, but they were meant to avoid the staring eyes that surrounded him from both sides like ghosts in a horror movie.
If it happens and he stumbled again, he will leave the hall immediately and perhaps the company and the whole city... He cannot bear the scornful looks and mockery smiles any longer, enough is enough. It will be impossible for him to bear more, and he has to put an end to the suffering endured since his childhood. If he does not do something to stop them now, in this occasion in particular, he will remain prisoner of his own weakness and would be impossible for him to confront others and defeat them. He will lose forever his self-confidence and his pride in his abilities and intelligence.
He reached the end of the row safely, and walked few steps towards the podium and paused. Then he turned his face towards the crowd slowly. He looked at the faces in front of him before taking the two small steps to the podium, and stands next to the manager.
The manager welcomed him taking him by hand and began to speak to the audience. He talked about him and his achievements since he started his job in the company. He talked about his diligence in creating ways to facilitate work and improve its quality. He talked about his ethics and his good dealing with his colleagues. Then he talked in figures about his role in the accomplishments of the company. The manager was talking eagerly… While he was looking at the faces that were gazing at him, his thoughts took him away from the speech. The voices faded slowly in his ears. And he began to see in the faces of those present, the same faces and expressions of contempt which he had accustomed and were confronting him. The faces he had lived with all his life. The same ridiculous smiles and anticipation of a fault, which gave rise to laughter outburst at him at any accidental slip he does, no matter how simple it is. Although such slips may occur with every single one of them a thousand times a day without causing such guffaws between them.
He felt fire inside his chest as he was looking in the eyes in front of him. A challenging voice was crying out deeply in his heart "Today is the final duel between you and me. You will be defeated, and I will win. I must win. Now it is my first and last chance. I will not shut up and swallow the insult, which was torturing me and slitting my throat from vein to vein any more. Anger eats me each time I do not react immediately. I could not find compelling answer at the right moment but after hours of sufferings. I was embarrassed and kept my anger inside my heart. This was what made you insult me boldly. This will not happen anymore"
The sharp challenge was radiating from his eyes. The provocation was boiling inside him, and a call of challenge was mocking his enemies "Who are you? And what are you comparing to me? I know you all one by one. I know your weaknesses, your failures, and your deficiencies. I know the level of your abilities which can never match mine, no matter what your allegations may be. I know that you are more competent than me in marketing yourselves… empty claims and false words… nothing real and sincere demonstrates the possibility of having any ability, education, knowledge or culture. "
I admit and acknowledge that you are more able to market yourselves. I do not praise myself and my capabilities and boast my potentials in front of my supervisors. I did not even talk about them .I preferred to let my qualifications prove their worth through work and in production as deeds are louder than words. I let others discover them and praise them. I do not claim potentials I do not posses, as you do. I used to be ashamed whenever I hear you bragging about your false potentials as if I am the one who deceives others and manipulated them the truth, as if I was the one who is deluding himself.
Many times I was wondering how you could face yourselves, when any one of you stands in front of a mirror, and sees his face, what he may tell himself? Does he congratulate himself because he succeeded in deceiving others? Or does he despise himself because he claimed what he does not posses. I do not think any one of you may ask oneself such questions”.
His feelings of contempt and disregard for those hatred envious faces in front of him pushed him to anger. He saw in those faces the features of his old class mates in school, and some of the students at the university who had long despised and envied him. The comparison which was now carried out inside him between them and himself pushed him to an acute sense that he is far better than them all. This comparison almost took him to feeling of self-esteem and even to arrogance.
He continued to stare in their eyes one by one. At every fast pause he spent with any of them a glimpse of an incident crosses his mind. Sometimes, it is an ironical word that hurt his feelings and left him suffering from anger with the one who said it. Another one was a memory of mockery or disgraced look. The other one was an indifferent glance that inflamed him. Many eyes and more faces and many more incidents were coming across his mind. His eyes were moving from one to another quickly. What was queer about his countenance is a wry defiant smile on his face all the time. And a call repeats with his heart beatings "Today is the day of battle. Today is the final day. I'll show you who you are and who I am."
But in a moment the chain of his thoughts was interrupted. Among dozens of faces his staring eyes had passed over he stopped by certain eyes which had intrigued him. They were her astonishing wide black eyes.
When they met coincidently in the corridor on her first day in the company he was confused .He kept looking at her for a long time, stunned by her bright white face with a light red cheeks and rosy lips. Her eyes were shadowed with a light blue shed drown to the end of her eyelids. Her crescent-like large eyebrow extended to occupy its place in the most beautiful brow.
He did not realize what had happened to him, but unconsciously he found himself saying ’Hey, God.” He wanted to say “gracious the God”, but his throat had swallowed the words. For his good fortune they were alone.(What?) Her response was, but not without condemnation. He was not able to respond and left the room immediately. He had promised himself not to raise his eyes to her when they meet again. And he remained so for the last three months. He tried to convince himself that it was enough for him he kept her image in his heart. He had memorized the details of her beauty. But whenever he was alone in his office or at home, he was severely blaming himself for his passivity. But every time he promised himself that he will take steps towards her when he meets her on the following day, his fear and confusion baffled his intentions.
She had felt with her woman’s senses which do not make mistakes in such matters, how much he is interested in her, even when he was trying to avoid her. She also recognized his true personality. Her senses told her that although he seems an enclosed person, he is a man of strong personality and this will come out at any moment.
She is there now. He continued to look at her courageously not like before. Is this a part of the duel, which he will fight with everybody today? He wondered smiling to himself” what else?”
She was staring at him with grief and tenderness. Her beautiful face was showing her concern for him and fears that he makes a mistake in this delicate situation. But in spite of the shadow of sadness over her face, her beautiful lips were carrying a smile of encouragement.
He turned to the manager who had just finished his speech and was calling on him to say some words. When he moved to the microphone he paused awhile. His glance was surveying the crowed in front of him and he began to speak.
When he heard his own voice he was surprised. The voice that was calm and bold. It has a merry tune and not a tune of challenge and fury. It was not the voice of that shy, confused person, or that angry, furious man. As if there was another man who speaks in his tongue.
He thanked the manager and the company on its initiative to encourage employees. He then turned to the manager and said “what I wanted to emphasize here is that I am not the only one who deserve this reward and this honor. Actually, the people who deserve them are those sitting in front of you. This wonderful group, every one of them provided his full potentials for the success which had been achieved…without them nothing could have been achieved. The work is not based on one individual, and no one can claim it for himself. It is teamwork. I am here on behalf of my colleagues to receive the reward hoping that the prize would be used to hold a dinner party at a luxurious place for all our staff.
All of the audience was surprised. A heavy silence fell upon the hall for a minute and then a storm of applause exploded suddenly mixed with voices of praise were heard loud. Everyone was speaking at the same time.
In the middle of this confusion, his eyes were focusing on her. The joy on her face adds to her beauty and flushness of her cheeks. And among the voices of welcome and praise he heard her musical voice laughing and applauding.
When he was descending the stairs towards his seat, he was a different man. He was a man who is self-confident leaving the confused man behind as a new character has been born just then.
He knew that he had won the duel. He and the others knew that he had won the day. But he was alone who knew the reason of his victory. He knew that he had defeated them just because he had triumphed over himself at the first place. He won because he overcome his hatred for them and left his arrogance and selfishness behind.
Also he knew, from her smile and her eyes at him all the time that this victory made him won the Grand Prix.
ainjim
Iraqi journalist
The Arabic version in 1992
Amman 2010