A story I need help with

[sc9108]

OK, I've started thinking about it but I just need some help.


Its based around a young man late teens, his starting to worry about death his own and the thought of losing others all terrifies him.

(I know this is a tricky subject, and I'm really thinking it over and over this is why I need help. I'm trying to make it as genuine as possible, I don't want it being over dramatic or under dramatic.)

It starts with this scene, I'm not sure where to go.

In a country side church a call pulls up and you see him get out of it holding a bunch of flowers. He walks up the path and past graves till he reaches one where he lays the flowers.

He starts to feel funny and the weather turns cold with a strong wind, he closes his eyes then opens them again and see the headstone engraving has his name on it.

Then he turns around and sees all the headstones have his name on it.
He wakes up breathing heavily and terrified.



Any ideas ?

[sc9108]

PS, I need as many opinions as possible. People who like this sort of dramatic thing and people who don't.

Just loads of replies please ! :)

[Nax]

Im a bit confused as to what your asking. Are you wanting us to fill in the bones for you? Or are you asking what we think of the incredibly brief scene you already have?

[sc9108]

Im a bit confused as to what your asking. Are you wanting us to fill in the bones for you? Or are you asking what we think of the incredibly brief scene you already have?

Just anything really. What do you think of the scene ? Do you think its a good opening ? What can you see happening from here ?

[chrismythoi]

the scene thus far is probably a little predictable, therefore, if you decide to keep it, i would make it short. try to build on any themes are ideas in the scene in the next one, such as the character himself who had the dream.
also i would wonder, as a reader, why someone who is not even twenty yet would be dreaming such a dream. is it a recurring dream maybe? maybe the character is something (a little cliched possibly) like a trainee undertaker...
if you want to write such a story though, my advice would be simply to write it. see where you get, and if it is good, and rework it where necessary.

[sc9108]

the scene thus far is probably a little predictable, therefore, if you decide to keep it, i would make it short. try to build on any themes are ideas in the scene in the next one, such as the character himself who had the dream.
also i would wonder, as a reader, why someone who is not even twenty yet would be dreaming such a dream. is it a recurring dream maybe? maybe the character is something (a little cliched possibly) like a trainee undertaker...
if you want to write such a story though, my advice would be simply to write it. see where you get, and if it is good, and rework it where necessary.


Hi,

Yeah I see what you mean. It is a recurring dream, its basically about him and what is the meaning of life ? and just what we ask ourselves everyday.

Theres a scene later on where his brother asks him what happens when you die, and its got loads of tricky scenes in it but there is no answer to the questions just more questions.

I want it to be something we can relate to.


As for this scene, it is a repeating dream. I'm thinking of having it very short, its going to be a short film I'll eventually do

I was thinking of breaking it up ? maybe show little bits and pieces here and there. Maybe have him narrate it and talk it through ? Explain his feelings, explain the scene. How the trees moved how the air tasted ?

I've got loads of ideas its just all a bit jumbled at the minute, I mean I'm only 18 and its a tricky subject for me ! But it's an all age subject it affects everyone, thats whats fascinating me about it.