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[thinkingsam]

Hey all. Would love comments on the imagery and flow of thought in this piece. Enjoy!

Home (http://thinkingcities.blogspot.com/2010/02/home.html)
(Comes attached with a picture of high-rise apartments reaching for a uniformly bright and slightly gray sky.)

This incessant tug on the strings
of my heart pulses sanguine joys,
draws long notes and deep gazes,
and captivates my soul. I’m trapped,
bound within these walls, clouded
logic repressing certainty, imaginary
chains linking generations, and lineages
tied surely and silently; we know
why we don’t fly, don’t leave. Family
matters, dictating our culture, our lives
and our hearts. Deep within we know

no place like home: the crimson
links flow redder on this side;

shared moments are etched deep
in our memories. And I gaze within
often, finding multitudinous worlds –
a panorama of twinkling thought
in the darkness of my mind, a sea
of floating lights, gently waving,
beckoning; I am a moth to a fire
that burns in my mind. I bask
in the safety of self; I hide within
cities I built and forests I grew;
I live within my thoughts for there’s

no place like the home in
my created worlds. Withdrawing,

I feel alive. I taste, I touch, I see.
I sense possibilities and dreams
branching like the oldest trees, reaching
the sky. I find limits are meant
to be broken and hopes to be
realized; I want to know secrets
and mysteries: the colours beyond
the night lights and the planets’
conversations, the shape of sound
and how time passes in relentless
infinity. This world is endless:

there’s no place like home.

- Samuel Tan

[PeachesPieces]

i like it, it seems to be a theme in the poems that i have commented on today, this concept of internal struggle that can be voiced only in the quiet echoes of your soul. well played and i love the imagery of the "cities I built and forests I grew."

one comment, in the third verse i might find a image to build off of than the trees again. perhaps another reference to the city you are taking refuge in... i dunno, it doesn't really need to be changed but i think it might help.

[MorpheusSandman]

I like it; it's a very introverted, emotional piece with really good use of line breaks, punctuation, and enjambment. About the only criticism I have is that it's occasionally too prose-like and some of the cliches like "I'm trapped || bound within these walls", "etched deep || in our memories", and "in the darkness of my mind" ring a bit hollow/shallow. I generally recommend staying away from cliches unless you can utilize them in an interesting way. I think the fact that they fit in context makes them more palatable but in pieces that are really personal I think it behooves a poet to make it more personalized. I would also remove the last line because, again, it's another cliche and I don't think this is an instance of really making use of a cliche in a new or interesting way.

[Bar22do]

I love the quiet statement

"no place like the home in
my created worlds."

for is it not in our inner selves only that home is forever ours?
Lovely poem, Thinkingsam! thanks.