Three Aphorisms

[PrinceMyshkin]

In the richness of the pause
all new projects have their seed;

in what we have lies our need
for more; from our bedroom, from our den,

we wander out, perhaps never to return again.

[Bashayer]

Great really >>>>>
Thank you so much >>>>>>>.

[Babbalanja]

I realize it messes up the rhyme, but "return again" is redundant.

Regards,

Istvan

[PrinceMyshkin]

I realize it messes up the rhyme, but "return again" is redundant.

Regards,

Istvan

Fair enough, but note that I write in rather colloquial diction and "again" is often used in speech as an intensifier after "return."

[MorpheusSandman]

I love them as aphorisms but not sure if/how they fit together as a piece. Though I do love how you connected them through language and rhyme. It's a typical near virtuosic, always insightful, subtle piece from you, Prince.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I love them as aphorisms but not sure if/how they fit together as a piece. Though I do love how you connected them through language and rhyme. It's a typical near virtuosic, always insightful, subtle piece from you, Prince.

Although the assembly of this piece took place in a back room behind closed doors and I wasn't privy to the negotiations, I can see a thematic coherence to it:

The "pause" of the 1st aphorism can be taken also as a detachment from the things we own, which so often own us, and demand aggrandizement; and also to a standing apart from our daily habits - the bedroom, the den - from which we might wander or be led into green pastures, where we might find the seed of a new project.

[firefangled]

In the richness of the pause
all new projects have their seed.

In what we have lies our need
for more. From our bedroom, from our den,

we wander out, perhaps never to return again.


I like the three points here. The more artistically presented for me are the last two because they can be taken separately or as a whole statement.

I think the punctuation can be revised to be pauses throughout rather than stops and that way the piece would have more coherence and more separation simultaneously; that would increase its complexity in my opinion.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I like the three points here. The more artistically presented for me are the last two because they can be taken separately or as a whole statement.

I think the punctuation can be revised to be pauses throughout rather than stops and that way the piece would have more coherence and more separation simultaneously; that would increase its complexity in my opinion.

I agree re the punctuation and am going to make those changes. Thanks.

[paperleaves]

I love it, I didn't see what it looked like before the revision, but it flows together beautifully! I don't believe "return again" is redundant in any sense, it brings the poem full circle!

love
Kate

[firefangled]

In the richness of the pause
all new projects have their seed;

in what we have lies our need
for more; from our bedroom, from our den,

we wander out, perhaps never to return again.


Yes. I like this better. The last two stanzas remind me of Rilke. It has the same tone:

Sometimes a man stands up during supper
and walks outdoors, and keeps on walking,
because of a church that stands somewhere in the East.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Yes. I like this better. The last two stanzas remind me of Rilke. It has the same tone:

Sometimes a man stands up during supper
and walks ourdoors, and keeps on walking,
because of a church that stands somewhere in the East.

Oh, Dude! It was worth writing my poem to get these wonderful lines by Rilke, about whom I will boast that I can recite from memory but in a rather approximate German the opening lines of the first Duino Elegies and also (in VERY proximate German):

Die konigen der welt zindt alt
Uhn wirden keine knabe haben

[MorpheusSandman]

The "pause" of the 1st aphorism can be taken also as a detachment from the things we own, which so often own us, and demand aggrandizement; and also to a standing apart from our daily habits - the bedroom, the den - from which we might wander or be led into green pastures, where we might find the seed of a new project.After rereading it with this in mind I can definitely see the connections now and with that small criticism remove that pretty much just leaves my praise. It's another real winner, Prince. I wish you'd publish a book of your work. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

After rereading it with this in mind I can definitely see the connections now and with that small criticism remove that pretty much just leaves my praise. It's another real winner, Prince. I wish you'd publish a book of your work. :)

Thanks. I would love to publish another book of my poems but the schlep of going cap in hand to one publisher after another exhausts me in advance.