Understand Me

[Cellar Door]

if I could commit myself to pages
my persona to story
myself to binding within a book
would you read it?
would you even crack the cover?

if I could paint my mind
on so many empty canvasses
my ideas contained by paints and oils
would you look?
would you even venture a glance?

if I could compel myself into song
my smiles and sighs a chorus
my expressions the melody
would you hear me?
would you press play?

But all I have are these poems
dry words on a page
breathing as I do
longing as I do
and you do not read them

you do not understand
and I have no words left
I am not a story
I am not a picture
I am not a song

I am only myself-
and you do not understand

[MorpheusSandman]

Odd how synchronicity works since I had this metaphor in mind the other day and wrote down some of the ideas and here you are posting a piece of very similar sentiments! I think it's quite poignant but I would do without those last two lines. You do need an ending but I think those last two become too cliched and maybe even a bit whiny. I really like everything up until then, though.

[Bar22do]

Odd how synchronicity works since I had this metaphor in mind the other day and wrote down some of the ideas and here you are posting a piece of very similar sentiments! I think it's quite poignant but I would do without those last two lines. You do need an ending but I think those last two become too cliched and maybe even a bit whiny. I really like everything up until then, though.

Thanks for your poem, Cellar, I enjoyed reading it. And -

if I could compel myself into song
my smiles and sighs a chorus
my expressions the melody
would you hear me?
would you press play?

yes, I would press play!

Morpheus - I myself am amazed at almost daily synchronicity occurring among us, I left unfinished several of my pieces just because, if I noticed, someone posted a poem with a similar idea, sometime with exactly the same image or metaphor! As if my little task was over, already expressed by another. I was wondering if it happened only to me, which I was sure it didn't, but now you prove it. It's nice to know!

[PrinceMyshkin]

Odd how synchronicity works since I had this metaphor in mind the other day and wrote down some of the ideas and here you are posting a piece of very similar sentiments! I think it's quite poignant but I would do without those last two lines. You do need an ending but I think those last two become too cliched and maybe even a bit whiny. I really like everything up until then, though.

How's about we split the difference because I too was going to propose dropping the last line, but only that one? True, "but I am only myself" has something of a self-pitying whimper to it, but I think we're prepared for that by all that went before it.

[~Sophia~]

Hi Cellar! I am in agreement that the last two lines were predictable and so, the poem ends rather weakly compared to the strong preceding verses. I would love the ending to be jarring but I'm not sure how you do that. Also, there is mixed punctuation and some opening lines are capitalized while others are not. You might want to edit that to make it consistent (whichever way you choose). Really enjoyable read - thanks!!

[Delta40]

This poem reminded me of an old song by Bread called 'If'. I think the last two lines pretty much speak throughout and you don't need to put them there as you have shown the sentiment as well as given thought to how another might feel toward you

[Cellar Door]

thanks everyone for the compliments and criticisms. i know it is one of my weaker poems, but it carries potential to be a strong one. perhaps a revision will be posted in the future...